‘Yet I knew someone who might …
‘The wait was torture. Aaron and I bedded down in Barracks that night, and our fellow initiates all demanded a telling of the tale of the battle with the Forever King’s daughter. It was hours before the bastards drifted off to sleep. But at last, I slipped from the Barracks, across the monastery, and into the Great Library’s dark.
‘All was silence as I stole among the shelves. That great map of the empire was etched on the floorboards, and my eyes drifted to the Godsend range, the name of a different angel scribed on every peak. I pictured the legion of the Forever King, marching even now towards Avinbourg, belly thrilling at the thought of the battle to come.
‘But more, at the thought of her.
‘It’d been months since I’d seen her, and those last few minutes as I stole into the forbidden section were by far the longest. What if she weren’t here? What if she’d found a way out of this cage, just as she’d vowed? What if …
‘But I rounded the shelves, and there she was. Seated at the great oaken table, surrounded by books. Her hair had been set free from her coif, long, ink-black locks framing pale cheeks. One hand traced the text she read, the other clutched a red-stained kerchief to her nose. Sisternovice Chloe sat beside her, poring over a dusty tome. The scent of blood and dreamweed hung in the air. And strangely, I saw a wheellock rifle near Chloe’s hand.
‘“Fairdawning, mesdemoiselles.”
‘Chloe startled at my whisper. Astrid looked up from her book, dark eyes meeting mine. She smiled at me then. And God, the way she did so …’
Gabriel leaned back in his chair, looking at the ceiling of his cell with shining eyes.
‘That girl had a thousand smiles,’ he sighed. ‘A smile cruel as winter wind, that cut you down to shivering bone. A smile light as dove’s down, just the softest hint of it across her cheek to let you know she was listening as you spoke. A smile that could make you fear, and a smile that could make you cry, and a smile that made you feel like you were the only man alive. And the smile she gave me that night was the first time she’d ever done so, and I’ve not forgotten it, not through all the blood and fire, not through all the nights from that one to this. A smile that whispered, and made me smile in kind.’
‘What did it whisper?’ Jean-Fran?ois asked.
‘That she was happy. And the sight of me had made her so.
‘“Godmorrow, Gabriel,” she said.
‘“It’s good to see you both, Sisternovices. I pray God I find you well?”
‘“Well enough.” Astrid swabbed at her nose. “Minor blood loss aside.”
‘Chloe smiled, her green eyes shining. “I’m glad to see you returned safe, Initiate.”
‘“Safer than some, at least. What’s the rifle for?”
‘“Oh.” Astrid grimaced. “Don’t mind that, it’s Chloe’s.”
‘“… You stole a wheellock from the Armoury? Godsakes, why?”
‘“I didn’t steal it,” Chloe said, making the sign of the wheel. “Theft is a sin, Gabriel.”
‘“Abbot Khalid has been teaching us,” Astrid huffed. “The sisterhood have lessons every findi since Aoife was killed by that highblood. It’s fucking ghastly.”
‘Chloe stared at the girl beside her. “It was your idea, Azzie.”
‘“I merely suggested within the abbot’s earshot some of the girls might sleep easier if they knew how to defend themselves. I didn’t think they’d make it fucking mandatory.”
‘Chloe rolled her eyes at me. “She’s prevaricating now, bless her. She’s actually a splendid shot. But heaven forbid she appear to be enjoying herself.”
‘“You treacherous swamp donkey, how dare you? I’ll be miserable all I like. You’re the one who’s enjoying herself. And rather too much, some might say. You’re supposed to be betrothed to the Almighty, but you carry that thing about like you were bedding it.”
‘“Oh, stop.” Chloe blushed furiously and repeated the wheel. “I don’t like such talk.”
‘Stifling a smirk, Astrid threw me a sly glance. Taking Chloe’s hand, she kissed it, pressed it to her cheek. “I’m sorry, ma chérie. I’m only teasing.”
‘“Well, I think training is a grand idea,” I said, nodding to the rifle. “Aoife’s death aside, the night grows dark outside these walls. And nights ahead bode darker still.”
‘Chloe brushed a tight curl from her cheek, her voice growing hush. “We heard tales of your Hunt in Coste. It sounded a frightful affair.”
‘“I’ll not dream sweetly of it, sure and true.”
‘Astrid looked me over, head tilted. “Are you … well?”
‘I looked about our little sanctuary, then back to her eyes. “Better now.”
‘She smiled again, and I pulled up a chair. The metallic scent of Astrid’s blood was knife-bright in the air, goosebumps prickling my skin. I could feel the thirst, like a slow-spreading crack through the ice beneath my feet. Even with all the sanctus I’d smoked on the road, those cracks seemed to be growing deeper, as if feeding it each night were helping awaken it. And though it stood in check, prowling behind the bars rather than throwing itself against them, the reminder of that beast in my blood made me ill at ease.
‘Never once had I met him, but still, I was ever my father’s son …
‘“Well,” Astrid declared. “Chloe and I have news that may cheer you further still. Two pieces, actually. I’ll start with what I hope is the less dramatic one.”
‘She handed me a sheaf of parchment sealed with candle wax. As soon as I saw the handwriting, I knew who’d sent it. “Mama …”
‘“She wrote back almost immediately,” Astrid smiled. “I told you she’d miss you.”
‘The girls watched with curious eyes as I tore the letter and read, swift as I could.
‘My dearest son,
‘Your letter filled my soul with joy. The nature of our parting has been a stone about my neck, and I miss you as flowers miss the sun. Celene also misses you terribly, and assures you that she is misbehaving admirably to fill the hole of your absence. She also informs me you are deeply in arrears in regards to the letters she’s sent you.
‘I am glad you have found a home, my love. I am so grieved I did not tell you of your heritage. At first, I prayed God that your father did not pass his curse onto you. And when I could see you were destined to carry the weight of my sin, I was afeared of what you might think of me. I should have prepared you. I can only beg now you forgive me.
‘I was little more than a girl when I knew your father, Gabriel. And love will convince a girl almost any lie is truth. But know I did love him, and in his way, perhaps he loved me too. I will tell you more, but God forgive me, I cannot do so without looking you in the eye.
‘I pray you, seek leave from the abbot to come home for Firstmas. I will tell you all you wish to know. And then, I will beg you embrace me, and forgive me, and know I am your mother and love you more dear than you can imagine.