His face crumples like a crushed soda can, matching how my heart feels.
I turn away and take the long way back to the guesthouse. Despite every cell in my body begging me to stop, I hold my head high and march into the house like a soldier, ignoring the ache in my chest from where Cal ripped my heart out.
It’s not until I crawl into bed that I give in to the tears. I cover my face with a pillow that smells like Cal, which only makes me sob harder. For Cami. For me. And for everything and everyone who has taken advantage of us and the love we are so willing to share.
The only person I can count on to make our dreams come true is myself, and it’s time I learned that lesson once and for all.
48
CAL
I fight everything in me not to take off after Lana. My hands twitch and my legs shake with the urge to grab her and force her to hear me out. To prove that I love her enough to fight for us and our happy ending.
Unfortunately, I know our situation can’t be fixed with words when she thinks I’m a liar.
That’s because you are.
No. I never lied outright, although weaving a story of half-truths doesn’t make me any better. If anything, I feel shittier, knowing regardless of my intentions, the result is still the same.
I hurt her.
When you leave Lake Wisteria this time, don’t bother returning. It’s not like you have any reason to come back anyway. Her voice, strong and fearless despite the tremble of her chin, replays in my head.
Lana couldn’t be more wrong, even if she has every reason to believe she is right. So long as she and Cami are here, I have every reason to return and fight for the people I love. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to prove to her that my inheritance has nothing to do with the way I feel about her and my reason for getting sober.
But how?
I run my hands through my hair, tugging at the strands to center myself. The bite of pain grounds me for a moment and eases the panic building in my chest. However, the relief is temporary as I come to grips with one of the last things she said.
I want you gone from the guesthouse before I wake up in the morning.
I don’t want to go, but sticking around and upsetting Lana any more isn’t an option. It will kill me to leave, knowing she most likely thinks the worst of me, but I can’t think of a better punishment for hurting her.
It’s what you deserve.
I sleep like absolute shit. My mind doesn’t stop running, and I end up tossing and turning for a majority of the evening. By the time five a.m. rolls around, I call it a night and wake up. My head pounds, so I swallow a few pain relievers and get to work packing up my belongings before Lana wakes up. I focus on the task until it is complete, and my luggage looks about ready to pop.
My room appears the same way it did when I first arrived—empty and lacking any life. The only thing that sticks out is the photo I left behind on the bed.
Before I exit the bedroom, I check the drawers and closet for anything I might have missed. I nearly forgot the folded piece of yellow construction paper that I kept on top of my nightstand. With a shaky hand, I open Cami’s card one more time.
Get better, Cow-L.
I trace the curve of the wonky heart before tucking it away in my backpack. The door across from mine remains closed, so I shut mine softly behind me and take off toward Cami’s room on the other side of the house. There is no way I can’t say goodbye to her.
Lana might not like it, but I can’t go off to rehab letting her kid think I abandoned her. The thought of her thinking I disappeared without caring enough to say goodbye is a punishment I can’t bear taking.
Cami is curled into a ball underneath her covers, clutching her stuffed lamb to her chest. She looks so at peace compared to her usual wild self when she is awake.
The ache in my chest that hasn’t gone away since yesterday returns, stronger than ever before. Missing Cami will be inevitable. The kid has grown on me, and it feels like I’m leaving a piece of my heart behind with her.
You’ll be back.
I swallow past the thick lump in my throat and shake Cami awake. Merlin jumps off the bed with a hiss before darting underneath it.
“Cow-l?” she rasps. Her hair resembles an eighties’ hairspray commercial with the strands forming a helmet around her head.
“Hey.” My smile is weak at best, but I try my hardest to stay strong for her.
She blinks a few more times to rid the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I wanted to say bye.”
Her frown is instant. “Bye? Why?”
“I’m going away for a bit.”
“Where?”
I reach for my backpack and pull out the card. “Remember when I told you I was sick?”
She nods.
“I’m going to go see a doctor so that way I’m not sick anymore.”
Her small lips form a small O.
I take her small hand in mine and give it a squeeze. “When I’m feeling better, I’ll come back for you and your mom.”
“How long will you be gone?” Her glassy eyes shred whatever last bit of dignity I have.
You can’t help hurting everyone you love.
It’s a curse I plan on breaking, but a curse nonetheless.
“I’m not sure how long I’ll be away.” It depends on a lot of different things, all of which have to do with me.
She shocks me as she launches herself into my arms and wraps hers around my neck with a tight squeeze. “I don’t want you to go.”
Between her and Lana, I’m not sure if my heart will make it through this week without being ripped to shreds.
I rub her back. “I know.”
She sniffles, making my chest tighten.
“I’m going to miss you.” Her voice shakes.
God, if I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to end up not leaving at all. “I’m going to miss you too.”
“You promise to come back?” She peeks up at me with tear-soaked lashes.
I swipe away the tears, erasing the evidence of her sadness. “I promise.”
She releases a heavy sigh, and the tension in her shoulders deflates.
“I have a favor to ask you though.” I tuck her card back into my backpack before zipping it up.
Her eyes widen. “Me?”
“Yup.”
“What is it?”
I put on a serious face, like my very life depends on her. “Will you take care of Merlin for me?”
She gasps. “You’re leaving him here?”
My throat feels all scratchy. “Yup. I can’t take him with me, so I need you to be in charge.” And that way, I have a valid reason to return, whether Lana wants me to or not.
Am I using my cat to convince Lana to see me again? Absolutely.
Do I feel bad about it? Not in the slightest, although I’ll be sure to have food and supplies delivered to the house while I’m gone so she doesn’t have to pay for a thing.
She stands tall and salutes me. “I’ll take cares of him.”
“And be sure to take care of your mom for me too.”
Her head tilts, the tiny frown lines in her face making her look older than six years old. “Do you love love Mommy?”
“I love love your mommy more than anything. That’s why I’m going to go get help.”
Her whole face lights up from whatever idea is brewing within that busy head of hers. “What if we go with you?”