“Can we watch a movie tonight?” Cami asks in the middle of dinner.
“Sure,” I say absentmindedly as I twirl my pasta around my fork with no intention of actually eating it. My appetite dwindles with every reminder of Cal.
The empty placemat beside me.
The sink full of dishes that he would have volunteered to clean without me asking while I helped Cami wash her hair.
Merlin curled up underneath the table, right beside my feet, keeping me constant company.
“I miss Cal.” Cami sighs.
My heart tears in two. “You do?”
She nods. “He told me he would be back.”
My fork clatters against the plate. “He did?” The words come out like a wheeze. I only heard Cami asking him for a pinky promise, so I have no idea what Cal said to Cami while he was in her room.
She perks up. “Yup. After he gets better.”
The tightness in my throat doesn’t ease no matter how many deep breaths I take. “What else did he say?”
“He asked me to take care of Merlin for him.” Her eyes brighten. “And you.”
My lips press together to suppress the sob threatening to escape.
“Do you think he will come back soon, Mommy?”
“I’m not too sure.” I crack at the end of my sentence.
“Do you love love him?”
My brows tug together. “Why are you asking?”
“Because he told me he love loves you.”
A sharp stab of pain shoots through my chest. “I know.”
“Will he be my new daddy?”
“I don’t know.” The air whooshes out of me like a balloon losing all its helium.
Her smile wobbles. “I told him I wished he was.”
I blink. “You did? When?”
“On my birthday.”
Oh, Camila. I pull her into a tight hug. “Is that what you want?”
She nods against my chest.
I knew Cami would love Cal. It’s impossible not to, but hearing her admit she wanted him to be her dad cuts through me, especially when I’m not sure that will ever happen.
Cal might return, but how long will it take for him to fall back into destructive patterns? I refuse to let Cami be affected by him—no matter how much I wish the three of us could be together. If he chose to get sober for an inheritance, it will never stick. That much I know.
And I’m not going to wait around this time and watch the person I love most hurt himself again, even if I lose a bit of myself in the process once I let him go forever.
It’s not until Cami goes to sleep for the night that Cal leaving truly hits me. His memory lingers in every corner of the house, reminding me of the happiness we shared together before he blew it all up.
Even Merlin seems sad about his owner’s absence. He sits on the couch in the same spot Cal always occupied during movie nights. I try to relax on the other side and watch something, but my mind continues to drift back to everything about Cal.
Is he feeling bad about everything that happened?
Did he mean what he said about going to rehab because he wanted to rather than doing it for his inheritance?
Will he come back sober and willing to do whatever it takes to get me back or will he give up the moment I show a bit of resistance?
Questions run through my head, making it impossible to concentrate on anything happening on the screen in front of me.
With a groan, I shut the TV off and abandon my spot on the couch. Walking toward my room, I pause outside the door and turn toward the closed one across the hall.
Don’t even think about it.
Except I’m not thinking as I enter the empty room Cal once occupied. He went out of his way to make the bed, which is something he never did unless I asked him.
I’m so quick to move on from the bed, I nearly miss the white rectangle that doesn’t quite match the eggshell-colored comforter. The dull discomfort in my chest morphs into a sharp ache as I pick it up and read the message written across the back in Cal’s messy handwriting.
I dare you to wait for me.
The real me.
The sober me.
The best me who wants to spend the rest of his days getting drunk on life with you.
He draws out a scoreboard that matches the plank we had, except there is an added tally to my side that wasn’t there before.
I flip the photo. My vision blurs as I take in the three of us at Dreamland. Cami and I face the camera with beaming smiles, but it’s Cal who steals the show with his smile. He looks sober. Alive. Happy.
I lose the battle with gravity and fall against the mattress, holding the photo to my chest like a life raft in the middle of an ocean. One edge creases from my carelessness, so I’m quick to place it on the nightstand.
Everything smells like him. The bed. The sheets. The pillow I end up cradling against my chest as I curl into a ball.
I dare you to wait for me.
Seven words steal my breath and fuel my tears. They fall down my cheeks before soaking the pillow beneath me. I’m not sure why I’m crying. Is it out of sadness? Hope? Fear that what he says might not be true?
Maybe a mix of all three if I’m being honest.
I make a promise to myself to leave in a minute. Except a minute comes and goes, and I still find myself unable to move from his bed.
At some point, Merlin curls up against me. The fact that Cal left him here tells me one thing.
He really does plan on coming back whether I want him to or not.
And a part of me wants him to do just that.
50
CAL
The trip from Lake Wisteria was a blur. I don’t stop driving until I park outside Iris and Declan’s house on the edge of the suburbs.
“Cal?” Iris blinks up at me. “What are you doing here?”
“I fly out tomorrow,” I blurt out.
“I thought you were leaving Friday?” Her brows furrow.
I shake my head. “I moved up my flight.”
“Why?”
“Because Lana kicked me out of the guesthouse.”
“Oh, shit. Come inside.” Iris shuffles me into the house before shutting the door behind me. I follow her into the barren living room.
I look around. “Where is everything?”
“We’re moving into the new house next week.”
“Already?”
She laughs. “It’s been months already.”
“Wow.” A sigh slips out of me as I settle on to the airbed Iris has set up in front of the TV as a makeshift couch.
“What happened?” She sits on the other side of the air mattress.
“Lana knows about the will.”
Iris’s brows rise. “How?”
“She overheard Rowan, Declan, and me talking about it.”
Her wide eyes only add to the growing anxiety building inside of me. “Shit. That’s explains why she looked like a deer caught in headlights.”
“I fucked up.”
“What did you say exactly?”
I explain what Lana overheard.
Iris frowns. “Did she at least hear you out?”
“For the most part, but that doesn’t change anything. She was already on thin ice with trusting me, and now…”
“She has no reason to trust you at all,” Iris finishes for me.
My eyes drop. “No.” She might not trust me, but I’ll find a way to earn it back and not risk my inheritance.
Iris asks me for more information, so I share everything that happened over the last few days ever since the dinner.