I don’t know what to do. I’m used to almost everything being within my control, but this… there’s nothing I can do about this.
Mom rises as soon as everyone’s done eating and disappears before I can even stop her. Every once in a while, we’ll play card games together, and I was hoping to convince her to do that today, but she slipped away before I even had a chance.
I’m restless as I walk back up the stairs, Elena right behind me. She follows me into our sitting room and takes a seat on her favorite chair, as worried and absentminded as I am.
I pour myself a glass of whiskey and tip it back before refilling my glass. “Do you want a drink?”
Elena shakes her head. She pulls her feet up on the chair, her arms wrapped around herself.
I sit down opposite her, the two of us facing each other the way we did when I proposed to her. I drink her in, her long hair falling down her waist, her beautiful face, those stunning eyes of hers. What would have happened if I hadn’t run into her that day? The thought of what she almost did tears me apart, but I can’t help but wonder whether I made the right choice by chaining her to me. Will she end up like my mother, eventually? She and my mother have the same heart. She’s a hopeless romantic. She tries to deny it, both to herself and me, but she can’t help herself. She isn’t like me. Elena cares about the little things, the way my mother does. She likes having dinner together, falling asleep together. If I’m not home for a couple of days, she gets restless. Elena cares . She cares about everything, about everyone around us.
I adore that about her, but it’s also something that’ll hurt her in the end. Our marriage… it’ll never be enough for her. She’ll always want more. I see it in her eyes. She wants things I can’t give her. She sees things that aren’t there.
Elena looks up at me and smiles. “She’ll be okay, you know? It’ll be difficult, but we’re here for her. In the end, she’ll be better off without your father. She’ll have a chance to live her life the way she wants to, without pretenses.”
I nod. “Without pretenses… yeah, I guess—except I’m not sure my mother even knows who she is anymore.”
Just like my mother, Elena is losing sight of who she is. I see her light dim every day. It’s not just everything that went down with her father. It’s more than that. It’s me. The way she looks at me… I see her heart break every time I kiss her.
Seeing my mother fall apart kills me. It kills me, and it terrifies me. I’m scared I’m pushing Elena down the same path my mother was on. I’m scared she’ll one day find her life empty, that she’ll realize she gave up too much for me. She’ll find herself unloved, alone, the way my mother did. The things she wants from me, I can never give her. I have no love left to give in this lifetime. And even if I did… I know love doesn’t last. It doesn’t, yet Elena won’t stop longing for it.
Chapter 54
E lena
I glance at Alec lying next to me. He’s fast asleep, his lashes fluttering ever so slightly. I lean in closer, wrapping my arm around him. He sighs and turns away, pushing against me in his sleep.
He’s been different lately. He hasn’t been himself since his mother asked for a divorce. There’s so much distance between us now, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I’ve never seen Alec in this much anguish—seeing his mother fall apart, seeing her hounded by the press… he’s hurting right along with her, and it’s made him pull away from me more and more.
I run a finger over his arm, eliciting a slight shiver from him. I miss him. He’s right here, but I miss him. He doesn’t look at me the same anymore. When he smiles at me, it’s like I’m just another girl. He hasn’t even touched me in weeks now.
I move closer to him, pressing myself against him. I need his skin against mine. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be like my mother, like Sofia, but I want to be all he sees. Even against my better judgement, he’s all I want. I’m fighting my feelings so hard, but I’m at my heart’s mercy. He’ll kiss me, and all reason escapes me.
Alec sighs, his lashes fluttering. He blinks slowly, his eyes finding mine.
“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice raspy.
I tighten my grip on him and press a kiss to his forehead. Alec throws his arms around me and pulls me closer, my head on his chest. He buries his hand in my hair, gripping tightly.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers, and I shake my head.
“It’s nothing. Just can’t sleep.”
Alec pulls away to look at me, his gaze searching. “Worried about your mom? She’s been recovering just fine. The way she’s handling Rousseau Corporation is astounding.”
I nod. I am partially worried about my mother, but it’s more than that. “Yes, I’m worried about my mom, but also yours. The media has been all over her divorce. It’s been so hard on her, and we can’t protect her. I’m worried.”
Alec nods. “I know, but she’s got us. She isn’t alone. Your mother has proven to be a pillar of strength, too. Just having her around has made it so much easier on Mom. Those two… they’ve both been hurt in many of the same ways.”
I sigh. “I’m just tired, Alec. I’m tired of all the pain that surrounds us, all the heartache.”
“I know, Buttercup.” He cups my cheek and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. “But that’s just life. Both our mothers chose love, and they paid the price. That’s the risk of giving someone your heart—you have to trust that they won’t break it, that they won’t break you . And this world that we live in… it’s shallow, it’s opportunistic, and it’s vain.” He brushes my hair behind my ear and sighs. “The past cannot be undone, but we can learn from it.”
I nod. He’s right. I know he is. But can I harden my heart the way he has? Despite everything that’s happened to my mother, to Sofia, my heart still craves what I know I can’t have. A small part of me still longs for the things I’ve never known—a loving family of my own. It’s foolish, and I know it, but I can’t control my heart.
“Do you really think it’s possible to live without love?”
Alec nods as he plays with my hair. “We’ve been doing it just fine, haven’t we?”
His words hurt, yet I smile through the pain. He has no idea that I fall a little further every day.
“Do you love me, Alec? Even just a little?”
He stares at me wide-eyed and sits up; the sheets bunching up around his waist. Alec runs a hand through his hair and inhales deeply.
“Elena, why are you asking me this?”
I sit up on my knees and look into his eyes. “Alec… I just… you and I… we’re not like our parents. You know I’d never betray you, and I don’t think you’d ever cheat on me either. We’re not like them.”
He nods, his expression wary. “We aren’t, because we have agreements in place. Because our marriage is transactional. You and I don’t need to rely on love to keep us together. We have so much more than that.”
“I understand,” I tell him. “I do, Alec. But why does that need to be all we have?”