They抮e not our favorites . . . but they sure are nice to be around.
揑 didn抰 realize there was a crappy fabric softener, Bray.?
Brayden is my easy kid. It抯 unusual for a middle child, but no less awesome. He picks up the ice cubes when they fall on the floor instead of kicking them under the fridge, he抯 always liked vegetables, he does his own laundry梐nd occupies himself so well, most of the time I don抰 even know if he抯 in the house.
揋ood fabric softeners have names,?he explains, looking at me with his mother抯 eyes. 揇owny, Snuggle, if it just says 慺abric softener,?it抯 the crappy kind.?
A smile tugs at my mouth. 揋ot it.?
揜osie, come iiiinnnnn!?Spencer bellows from the backdoor. Then he bellows at me, 揇aaaad, Rosie抯 chasing the squirrels again!?
揓ust leave the back door open梥he抣l come in when she抯 ready,?I call back, before quietly adding, 揂nd hopefully alone.?
Because our German Shepherd is the unholy terror of the backyard woodland animals?lives. She doesn抰 mean to be. She just wants to play with them; she thinks they抮e her friends. But it never ends well.
揥e should put in a doggie door,?Aaron says as Spencer slides into the seat next to him and starts tapping away on his Nintendo Switch. 揥ith a bell, you know . . . to warn them she抯 coming.?
揥e抣l do it this weekend.?I nod. 揂nd speaking of this weekend, I need you to stay home Friday night.?
Aaron抯 head snaps up from his phone.
揑抦 supposed to go over to Mia抯。？
Mia is the girl Aaron抯 been dating the last few months. They抮e not true-love serious like Garrett and Callie were, but she抯 nice and they抮e going to prom together next month.
揥ell, have Mia come here.?
揑t blows when we hang out here! Brayden and Spencer won抰 leave us alone.?
Aaron is not my easy kid.
揃e that as it may,?I tell him reasonably, 揑抣l be out, so I need you to keep an eye on your brothers.?
揟hey抮e old enough to stay home by themselves! You baby them so frigging much.?
Brayden抯 fine on his own during the day and he抯 responsible enough to make sure Spencer doesn抰 jump off the roof or destroy the furniture. But he gets spooked at night梕ither from covertly downloading the latest Saw movie or reading one too many articles about real-life horror stories on the internet.
揑t is what it is, Aaron. Friday night, you抮e home梕nd of discussion.?
But for a seventeen-year-old, the discussion never ends. It just goes on, and on, and on . . .
揝o I have to change my plans because you抮e going out to get laid??
I toss my napkin on the table.
揂梜nock it off. Now. B桰 have a D.U.H. meeting on Friday and then I抦 going fishing for Dean抯 bachelor party with your uncles.?
Garrett抯 best friend, Dean Walker, is like a fourth brother to me and he抯 getting married in a few weeks. Dean had more than his share of wild, stripper-filled evenings梐nd days梑efore he met his bride-to-be, Lainey. So he opted for a guy抯 night out of fishing and beer on a party boat instead.
揑 need you here because I抦 going to be out on a boat and I don抰 want your grandparents having to drive over in the dark if the boys get scared. C梬hen you抮e paying for my car and my car insurance, then I抣l change my plans for you. Until that happens, it抯 the other way around.?
This wouldn抰 be an issue if Stacey and I were still married, because two is better than one and she抎 be home with them. But while living out the Brady Bunch song梖our men living all alone梬asn抰 what I pictured for them when we had them, I still think we抮e doing okay. Better than okay.
Aaron lowers his head, giving in, but not happy about it.
揟he worst part about this divorce is I got stuck being the nanny.?
Spencer gives his brother a lip-curled sneer. 揥e don抰 like you either.?
Spence is my sweet kid. He has a gentle soul梐s far as insults go, that抯 about as vicious as it gets.
Brayden picks up the slack.
揧eah梔ick for brains.?
揇ouche-canoe,?Aaron shoots back.
揋uys!?I snap. 揟hat抯 enough.?
A begrudging silence descends, but Aaron gets in one last grumble, because he just can抰 resist.
揝till blows.?
And a part of me feels for him梩he part that didn抰 think my brothers following me around all over town was such a great time either when I was his age. That抯 the circle of life.
揑抦 sure it does. But you抣l live.?
*
揂nd then Paul told me he just wasn抰 attracted to me anymore. That forty pounds and fifteen years had turned me into someone he didn抰 want to be married to.?The woman sitting in the wooden folding chair covers her face with a tissue, sobbing. 揂nd the worst part is he抯 right! I have let myself go. It抯 all my fault.?
Her name is Karen, the newest member of the Divorced, Unattached, and Happy support group梐lso known as D.U.H. or 揹uh.?
They really didn抰 think the acronym all the way through.
We meet in the rec hall basement the first Friday and third Sunday of every month. We used to meet on Wednesdays after Sex Addicts Anonymous, but that wasn抰 the best mix. The sex addicts kept falling off the wagon with the divorc閑s.
揟here, there, boo-boo. You go right ahead and let it out.?
Delilah梐 deeply religious, curvy redhead who separated from her husband last fall after twenty unappreciated years because, and I quote, 揾er field of fucks was barren and she had not a single one left to give敆puts her arm around Karen抯 shoulder and pulls her in for a side hug.
揃ut while you do, know that Paul is unworthy to drink from the chalice of your inner beauty. I know it doesn抰 seem like it now, but the day will come when you will believe that, I promise you.?
Some may think group therapy for long-term relationships that have met their maker would be depressing . . . the sob stories, the loneliness, the heartbreak, the betrayal.
But it抯 kind of a riot. Uplifting.
Mostly because every person sitting in this circle is a character and a half. They抮e honest, unique, determined, and funny梐nd that抯 when they抮e sober. Get a few drinks in them and group therapy turns into toga night at the frat house.
揚aul deserves a smackdown with extreme prejudice.?Lou says.
Lou抯 in his sixties and originally from North Jersey. I抦 pretty sure he抯 in the mob.
He and his wife used to own and operate a bowling alley, but after their three kids moved out of the house and they sold the business to retire, she came to the realization that they had nothing left in common.
Carl the dentist and Maria the dog groomer nod their agreement.
揤iolence is never the answer,?Dr. Laura Balish, the blond, bespeckled therapist who runs this group of misfit toys, admonishes gently.
揥ell, sometimes it is,?Lou insists with a shrug. 揘ever say never, amiright??
Laura gives Lou a disappointed third-grade teacher look that would cow a lesser man, then addresses the group.
揟hank you for sharing, Karen. Remember, we can抰 control the feelings of others. We can only control our reactions and focus on finding happiness with ourselves.?
Dr. Laura was Aaron, Brayden, and Spencer抯 therapist in the months after the divorce, because I wanted to make sure they were handling the transition all right.
揥ould anyone else like to share??Laura asks. 揌ow about you, Connor? Where have your thoughts been lately??
The 搒haring with the group?thing was weird at first. Exposing. Once I realized that no one in this room actually knows what the hell they抮e doing梩hat we抮e all just winging it and hoping for the best梚t got easier.