“You seem like that upsets you.”
A breath of a laugh left his chest as he looked at me. “Wouldn’t it upset you?”
“Yes, but my sole purpose in life isn’t to make people think I’m some cocky playboy with thick skin.”
“I do have thick skin,” he said, almost defensively. “And yeah, I have confidence in who I am, in what I can do. But…”
He scrubbed his jaw.
“But what?” I asked.
He just shook his head. “Nothing.”
I pivoted to face him on the couch, resting my elbows on my knees as I leaned closer. “But you don’t want to play this role for life?”
Leo stilled, and then he frowned, pinning me with his accusatory gaze. “Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because I see right through you.”
“Oh, yeah? And what is it that you see?”
If he’d have asked me this question a month ago, I would have smiled in victory as I spat out every nasty thought I’d had about him for the past seven years.
But tonight, I saw a glimpse of the boy he used to be, the one who confessed his fears to me in a hushed voice at two in the morning so he wouldn’t wake his parents. I saw the same eyes I watched from across the cafeteria, the ones that glittered with every joke he said but then glossed over when no one was looking at him anymore, when he didn’t have everyone’s attention — which was rare.
“I see a man who wants to be taken seriously, but doesn’t know how to do that without feeling vulnerable or weak.”
Leo blinked, his nostrils flaring as his eyes searched mine. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”
“See? I can surprise people, too.”
“It’s almost like you might not detest me anymore.”
I scoffed, leaning back. “You wish.”
“Come on, admit it,” Leo said with a playful smirk. “You kind of like me.”
“About as much as I like getting pricked with a needle.”
His brow shot up, and then his eyes were washing over every inch of my skin. “Considering how much ink you have, I’d say you like getting pricked with needles quite a bit.”
I laughed — genuinely laughed, because I had not thought of that before I threw my little quip at him. I shoved him away, tucking my hair behind one ear. “Shut up.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. You can still pretend to hate me.”
I rolled my eyes, but then I found his gaze again.
And the way he stared at me, the way the silence of the house fell down around us, the way he wore that little smirk…
It was like pouring water over hot rocks in a sauna, the heat too much to bear.
I flushed, looking down at my hands in my lap. I was about to tell him I should go upstairs and get ready for work when he said, “It’s cool that you game.”
Relief washed over me at the change in subject.
“I’ve only known one other girl who did,” he added.
Something about his expression changed then, his eyes almost… sad.
My heart picked up its pace in my chest. “A lot of girls game.”
“I’m sure they do,” he said. “I’ve just avoided them since high school.”
Another loud thump of my heart echoed in my chest. “Why?”
Leo opened his mouth, shut it again, and then the muscles of his jaw were working under the skin as that silence fell over us once more.
“It’s a long story that I don’t want to get into,” he finally said softly.
All of his little comments over the last few weeks started clicking into place, like puzzle pieces that had been lost under a couch cushion.
Was he talking about me?
I wanted to shake my head as soon as I thought it, because obviously it wasn’t me. He was disgusted when he met me in person. He made fun of me. He let his friends make fun of me for the rest of our fucking high school tenure. It was clear that he didn’t recognize me now — thanks to braces, my skin being clearer, and my baby fat turning into feminine curves I loved to show off.
He didn’t know I was that girl he hurt all those years ago, but he damn sure knew that girl was Octostigma.
My stomach soured at the memory.
And yet, the way Leo looked right now…
Who else could he be talking about?
Did he meet someone after me?
And if it was me who made him look like that, that made him feel like that… why?
A thought I’d refused to let myself believe whipped through my head like a rush of wind.
Maybe he really didn’t realize it was you that day.
Maybe…
“Tell me what happened,” I said before thinking better.
I had to know.
Leo frowned, looking up at me before his eyes showed how surprised he was that I actually wanted to know.
For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me.
But then the front door burst open and our roommates stumbled in.
I jumped back, not realizing how close I’d been to Leo until we weren’t alone anymore. Leo didn’t move, his eyes still on me, even when Kyle flopped down backward over the top of the couch and landed between us with a goofy smile.
“Well, if it isn’t the party pooper and our hot new roommate.”
Leo flicked his nose, which made Kyle yelp before he let out another peal of drunken laughter.
“What are you two doing sitting in the dark?” Braden asked, leaning his palms on the back of the couch as he peered over us questioningly. I could tell he was a little buzzed, too, because he smiled wickedly in the next moment. “Or do we wanna know?”
I hadn’t even realized how dark the house was, how we hadn’t moved to turn on any sort of light other than the TV. I didn’t chance a look at Leo before I scoffed and stood up, unfastening my hair from the messy bun I had it tied up in.
“I was just kicking Leo’s ass at Madden,” I said as I pulled my hair up again, desperate to keep my hands busy so no one could see how they were shaking.
Braden and Kyle erupted in a chorus of oooohs. Then, Kyle did a somersault off the couch and grabbed one of the Xbox controllers. “Me next, me next!”
“You want to get your ass handed to you, too?” Braden teased.
“If it’s by her?” Kyle said, his eyes raking over me and fixating on where I knew my nipple piercings were visible under my shirt. “Gladly.”
“You’re a pig,” I said, hitting him upside the head with a pillow. I couldn’t help the smile that curled on my lips, though. “And I have to get ready for work.”
“Boooo, call out of work!” Braden begged, his hands clasped together.
I just ruffled his hair like he was my kid brother. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Not fair,” Braden said with a pout, plopping down where I had just been on the couch. “Leo gets to have all the fun.”
The boys keyed up a new game on the screen, the two of them yakking away about some girls they’d apparently been trying to talk to at the bar.
I paused when I was at the bottom of the stairs, everything in me pulling like a magnet toward Leo. I wanted to look back, to confirm what I felt, but I didn’t have to.
Because he hadn’t said a word since they came home.