I was shocked silent, but inside, I felt the volcano whistling and searing and roaring to life. Each word he said spawned it on more, the taste of ash on my tongue as it simmered and stirred.
“Damn it, woman,” he said, shaking his head.
My chest was on fire. My breaths were hot steam.
“I’m mad about you!” Leo gripped his hair again before his hands stretched out toward me. “Can’t you see that?”
“You were once before and you don’t even remember!”
There it was.
The eruption.
My eyes brimmed with tears, nose stinging as I lifted my gaze to meet his. My breaths were so haggard now that I pressed a hand against my aching ribcage as if I could soothe it, as if I could tame the molten lava burning me from the inside.
There was no going back now.
Leo just tilted his head to the side, frowning, confusion washing over him. “What?”
I shook my head, turning it to the side to focus on a random car instead of the stupid boy standing in front of me. The motion set two fat tears cascading down my cheeks, and I swiped them away, folding my arms over my chest.
“Two weeks ago, in my room…” Leo breathed the words slowly. “You… you said you wish I remembered…”
I closed my eyes again, tears burning behind my lids where I refused to set them free.
It felt like an eternity passed, but when I chanced looking at Leo again, he was ashen.
Every line in his face had softened, his eyes wide, jaw slack. He stared at me, but it was like he wasn’t seeing me at all.
It was as if he was in another place, another time altogether.
“You…” he croaked, and then shook his head, deftly blinking before his eyes found mine. “Stig?”
The nickname was just above a whisper when it left him, but it felt like a knife to my chest.
I swallowed.
I nodded.
And then I let out a gasp of a sob as he charged me and swept me into his arms.
Leo
An entire city crumbled inside of me, burying my aching chest and stammering heart in the rubble as I reached for Mary and pulled her into me.
My next breath burned even more than the last as I crushed her to my chest, but I held her only a moment before I was pulling back to look at her. I swept one hand through her silky hair, cupping the back of her head as my eyes searched every curve and line of her face. I took in her freckles, her glossy wintergreen eyes, her trembling lips.
My other hand ran along the line of her neck, her skin hot to the touch as I traced her collarbone and then up to her jaw. My heart was in my throat as I smoothed my thumb over the apple of her cheeks, memorizing the bridge of her nose as I traced it, committing her plump lips to memory when my thumb found them next. Her breath was as shallow as mine, the warmth of it ghosting over my fingertips as I took her in.
I choked on the first clean breath I’d taken since I lost her.
Wrapping her tightly in my arms again, my hands went from her hair to her back, over her arms, up to frame her neck and hold her even closer so I could feel that she was real, that she was here.
It was a dream and a nightmare all at once.
“How?” I whispered, not sure if the question was to her or myself or the universe. I pulled her back, framing her arms with my hands and letting my eyes wash over her before I crushed her to me again. “How?”
I never wanted to let her go.
I never would let her go.
I’d already decided, my arms tightening around her, chest swelling with that possession that had built before I even knew who she was.
How did I not know who she was?
My mind raced with memories of that summer, of how she left me with no explanation, of the pain I thought I’d never escape. How could she be here?
And if she knew it was me… why didn’t she say anything before?
I frowned as I thought through the last year and a half, from the comments she slung at me when she lived with Julep to every waking moment she’d lived at The Pit. My brain hurt as I tried to piece it all together.
I wish you remembered…
Her words echoed in my soul, but I couldn’t make sense of any of it.
I didn’t realize Mary was crying until she sniffed, pressing her hands into my chest and putting space between us. She folded her arms over her middle again, like she wanted to shield her most vulnerable places from me.
“I… I don’t understand,” I finally managed, aching to pull her into me again, but I refrained. “Mary, you knew it was me all along?”
“Of course, I did.”
Shock slammed into me, my jaw hinging open. “I… why didn’t you say something? Why…” I swallowed, and then the questions I had buried for so long tumbled out unbidden. “What happened? Where did you go? Why did you ghost me?”
It was her turn to look confused. “Ghost you?”
“Right after school started,” I reminded her. “I logged on and saw your username but then you just… disappeared. I called you, but you didn’t answer. My texts wouldn’t go through. I…”
Mary blinked at me, anger simmering in her green eyes. “Are you playing some sort of fucking game right now?”
The way she looked at me, like I was some sort of villain…
It killed me and confused the ever-living hell out of me, too.
“What? No,” I started, but she cut me off.
“You rejected me,” she spat, and I didn’t miss how tears welled in her eyes again, but she didn’t let them fall. “I told you who I was. I gave you the drawings you asked me to make for you. I… I put everything on the line, and you took one look at me and decided I wasn’t enough.”
I was so desperate to hold her I couldn’t fight it anymore.
“Mary, I would never—”
But she yanked away from me before I could touch her.
“You did,” she seethed, but her anger was snuffed out by pain. “You did, Leo. Do you seriously not remember?”
I shook my head, so confused I couldn’t do anything but blink at her.
“Pimple-faced porn freak?” She lifted her brows, waiting.
I frowned, tracking through my memories, because something she said did trigger a distant something. I closed my eyes, reaching for it. Whatever it was was so foggy, so minuscule in my filing cabinet of memories that it was like searching for a crumpled-up receipt lodged somewhere between thousands of pieces of paper.
My head ached from how hard I tried to reach for it.
And then, I remembered.
It was hazy, a day I hadn’t thought twice about even when I was younger. But I vaguely remembered a girl giving me a notebook at school after practice. I had no idea who she was. I couldn’t recall a thing about what she looked like — the color of her hair, what she was wearing — nothing. And I definitely didn’t know her name — not even then.
All I remembered was feeling uncomfortable, just wanting to walk away before any of the douchebag guys on my team could make it any worse for either of us.
The reality of what it really was hit me so hard I stumbled backward.
“Oh, God,” I managed, shaking my head. I lifted my gaze to Mary’s. “That was… you?”
“Fuck you, Leo,” she said, spinning on her heel. She stormed away from me, but I chased after her, rounding her and blocking her from going anywhere else.