“But?”
“I don’t want you to hurt Kirill.”
“Fuck, Sasha. You’re falling into the same trap all over again.”
“No, I’m not. Kirill never planned to marry another woman or kill me. Besides, I don’t believe he’s involved with our family’s death.”
“So you trust him now?”
“On that front, yes.” I just don’t trust that he might use me as a pawn in his upcoming manipulation games.
“You were always loyal to a fault.” He sighs. “Whether to the family, the men you served with and especially Kirill. Now I get why Papa wanted to preserve your sickeningly na?ve nature and why Mama babied and fawned all over you. They didn’t want you exposed to the real world.”
“I’m thankful, but I don’t think it did me any good afterwards.”
“Believe me, it did. At least you didn’t turn into a monster.”
“You’re not a monster either, Tosha.”
He grumbles a reply then exhales deeply. “You’re at a crossroad now.”
“Well, aren’t you, too?”
“That’s…different.”
“Yeah, right. I’m not even sure if you’re lying to me or yourself at this point. There’s no black or white in this world. It’s just impossible to keep to the extremes.”
“What are you suggesting then?”
“Can’t…can’t we rectify this situation and also have something for ourselves? Just once?”
“I’m not sure if that’s possible.”
“But why?” My voice breaks and my lips tremble.
It’s Anton who squeezes my shoulder this time. “People like us don’t deserve happiness, Sasha. The concept was ripped from us that day, never to return.”
I shake my head.
I refuse to believe that we have no life after this.
Anton might have already chosen the path he’ll go down, but I haven’t.
I still have time to figure out what to do and how to end this ill fate once and for all.
For the sake of my child.
For my sake.
21
KIRILL
Something is wrong.
I know it, feel it, and can smell it in the fucking air.
Things haven’t been the same since we returned from the cabin three weeks ago.
Sasha has been subtly keeping her distance. It’s not as blatant as when she came back and chose to spend her time with anyone but me. This time, it’s more in the little details.
Like how she stopped the morning training, no longer waits up for me, doesn’t have drinks with me, and she prefers to go visit her brother in Viktor’s company instead of mine.
I can’t really do anything about the last one since I’m overwhelmed by all the shit in the Bratva, namely, keeping Damien’s killing spree in check.
While the above changes are noticeable, they could be viewed as fleeting compared to everything else.
For one, she’s not talking about leaving me in a few weeks anymore.
She’s not using every chance she gets to remind me that she’s my wife only temporarily.
And, most importantly, she holds the same level of fucked-up desire for me as I do for her. I’ve been trying to wake her up with my mouth on her cunt, but lately, she’s been reversing the roles, so I’m the one who wakes up in heaven with her lips around my cock.
The biggest red flag, though, is that she’s been spending more time with the ex-robot Kristina, much to my and my brother’s dismay.
I snatch a champagne glass from a passing waiter and stand beside said brother. We’re holding a gathering at the house to celebrate the brotherhood’s alliance with the Yakuza. The brotherhood leaders and the heads of other factions have shown up, too.
The reason for the strengthening of this relationship—Damien—has fucked off to God knows where. I haven’t seen his fiancée, either, since her father introduced her earlier.
The downside of being Pakhan is the obligation to conduct private meetings and indulge in stupid small talk, but that’s the last thing on my mind.
I haven’t been able to find an explanation for the feeling that’s been plaguing my insides these last couple of days.
The simple definition would be unease and dread of the unknown where Sasha’s concerned. The first reaction my brain came up with was to suffocate her further, lock her the fuck up if need be, so there won’t be a way out no matter how much she tries.
But that would mean completely eradicating whatever semblance of peace we’ve been having.
She’d hate it and me.
Besides, it’s not that she’s trying to leave.
Or maybe that’s what she’s doing, but discreetly so I won’t be able to thwart her plans.
“They’re surprisingly close,” my brother says from beside me, his attention on the two women.
They’re standing with the annoying Rai and Adrian’s wife, Lia, as if this is some sort of a sorority.
Sasha is wearing a loose black dress that stops right above her knees. Her shiny blonde hair is loose, now reaching the middle of her back. She hasn’t cut it once since she went back to being a woman.
Although her heels aren’t as high as the others’， she’s still the tallest of the bunch. The most beautiful, too. Just saying.
“More like, your wife is surprisingly clingy.” I direct my malicious glare at my brother. “Keep her away from my wife.”
He raises a brow. “Not sure that’s how it works.”
“Find a solution that works, then.”
He smiles, and it’s surprisingly mischievous. “Is it so bad that she’s making women friends? At least they’re not the guards you strongly oppose of.”
“I don’t like anyone who’s prone to steal her time from me.”
“You need help.”
“Yes. Yours. In the form of stopping Kristina from taking away my wife to fuck knows where.”
Even Karina has been getting annoyed at not being able to spend as much time as possible with Sasha. My sister is hiding in her room as we speak. She may have started to leave the house at times, but crowds still freak her out.
“Ever thought she might actually need a social circle outside of yourself?” Konstantin asks like an idiot.
“No.”
“I would say I’m surprised, but that would be a lie…” he trails off when our mother—correction, his mother—appears at the bottom of the stairs with her brother, Yakov.
He’s on the board of the family bank and has always disregarded me, unlike the rest of her siblings, who have supported me since day one. Including my eldest uncle, who’s the head of the family and the bank.
Yulia has always gotten along with Yakov. He’s the only sibling she’s visited over the years, but he rarely came here in the past because he and Roman hated each other with passion.
He only started showing his face in our family home after his death.
My attention slides back to Konstantin, who’s gripping his flute so tight, I’m surprised it doesn’t break into pieces.
It’s no secret that he and Yulia have a strained relationship since he indirectly picked Kristina over her and married a woman his mother doesn’t approve of.