What I could do, right here and now, was to get in the truck. I got into his truck. Cruz wasn’t my current biggest headache, and he’d been right that I’d been the one doing exactly what both of us didn’t want. Still. The image of that girl was etched in my memory.
“I keep seeing that girl, and I keep seeing her all over you.”
“Mara.” He sat back in his seat.
“Not a fan of hers.”
“I shoved her off.”
I turned my head to hide my sneer. My stomach was still in a knot, but that girl was only part of it. A small part of it.
We drove the rest of the way in silence until he parked, pulling up behind Darren’s Jeep. He cut the engine and hit the lights. We both sat, neither one moving to leave. “I’m going to ask because, well, I am so deal with it. Are you okay? Someone sent you something and I saw your face before you lit out of there.”
“Honestly? It’s par for the course.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
I sighed, relenting a little. “I think that’s for the best.” I looked back at him, seeing the anger still simmering under his surface. Anger at me because of what I said to him, but it was warring with concern. Normally, I’d panic at that look, but I didn’t have it in me. Not tonight.
I was suddenly so extremely exhausted.
Then I swore, remembering my roommates.
To Miles: I got a ride home, sorry to bail.
To Zoe: Sorry. I bailed. I’m home. I hope you guys have a great night.
Zoe: Hi! Yes. Are you okay, though? I know you don’t do personal, but I still need to ask. It’s my thing. I care about my friends.
I stared at her text for a minute. Friends.
Jesus.
When had that happened?
To Zoe: I’m fine. All good. Promise.
To Skylar: Happy birthday! I hope you have a great rest of the night. Have lots of fun.
Zoe: Okay, but we’re here if you need anything. I mean it.
I hit the number from those unknown texts and blocked it. Again. Just like all the others.
I asked Cruz, “You’re still pissed at me?”
“Fuck yes.”
“Want to come up?”
He stared at me, “What do you think? Also, that was sarcasm if you needed it spelled out for you.”
A short laugh escaped me, but I was opening the door. He joined me, and we went up.
We went one round. He left after, and the week was a repeat from earlier.
Every night, he came over after dinner. He left when we were done.
There were no lingering touches, no cuddling, nothing soft but we were almost frenzied. Every time.
We ignored each other in class, and if we saw each other on campus. It was like we were strangers.
That continued for two weeks, until Friday night when he had his next home game.
I went to the hockey game.
23
CRUZ
“Hey, sweetie. Are you excited for the game?”
I was suited up and ready to head out for the pregame warm-up when my mom called. Coach gave me special permission for this call. “Yeah. Are you guys here?”
“We are! Titi can’t contain herself. And Dawn is with us too. She’s helping with the traveling. Sorry we couldn’t get here earlier to see you more. It’ll be a long night, but it’ll be worth it. Titi has wanted to go to one of your games for so long.”
“I know. I’m just happy you guys are here.”
Coach came through the locker room, saw me, and pointed at me. “Styles! Get on the ice.”
“It’s that call I talked to you about earlier.”
He frowned but looked at his watch and began shaking his head. “Wrap it up. I need you warming up. Put it all aside.”
“It’s okay. We’ll see you afterwards. I’ll let you go. Win, baby!”
My chest was bursting with warmth. My mom said to win, so I’d make sure we won. “Thanks, Mom.” I was getting choked up.
She was too. “Love you, Cruz. See you after the game.”
I headed to the ice after that.
“Remember. Go out there. Keep your lines. Be smart. Play hard, but also, there’s a Make-a-Wish kid in the front row, section C. Sweet girl. In a wheelchair. Here with her mom and her worker. Go over, knock on the glass with your stick, give her some attention. And then after that, WIN!”
A cheer went up.
Sticks were hitting the floor, and everyone stood up, putting their gloves in the middle.
A prayer was said, and Labrowski led us in a chant. It was our time to win. So, win we would.
After that, we headed out.
First skate around, Labrowski went first, but I moved to the back. I wanted to be last.
Each of us went over, knocking our stick against the plexiglass in front of the little girl.
I was last, and I circled around, facing her fully.
She was so tiny, tinier than she should’ve been, but she was cheering and her face was flushed from all the smiling and yelling. She saw me and tried to get out of the wheelchair. Her handler rushed to her side, helping her push up from the chair. She held her up, tipping her forward until she was staring right at me, right through the plexiglass.
She got all serious. All blonde curls and rosy cheeks and tiny hands. She held out her palm, touching the barrier between us, and I took my glove off, touching it with mine on the other side.
Then her eyes opened wide, and the smile was going to break her face, it was so wide.
I looked her right in the eye and mouthed, “I love you, Titi.”
She was beaming so much. “LOVE YOU, CRUZZIE!”
I laughed, looking at my mom beside her, who was smiling and wiping away the tears.
I put my glove back on, and hit the plexiglass with my stick. “Love you, Mom.”
She couldn’t say anything back. She was crying and smiling too much, but she reached out, touching the glass with her hand before I took off.
I joined the team at our bench, and sensing the looks, I said, “The Make-a-Wish kid is my sister.”
My coach blinked a few times. He hadn’t known that part. “The one that was in the hospital?”
I nodded.
“What’s her name?”
“Titi.”
He gave a nod before addressing the team, “Win it for Titi.”
“FOR TITI!”
Labrowski skated over. “You want the face-off?”
I glanced at Coach, who shrugged. I said, “Oh, fuck yes.”
We went hard. Pushing, pushing, pushing.
The other team was good. They were aggressive but we matched ’em at every turn. I did and my team backed me up. Labrowski was our captain, but tonight, he was sharing it with me.
My mom was here. Titi.
This was for them.
We scored. They scored.
We scored. Them.
It went back and forth until the third period.
Enough.
Coach yelled for line change, and it was first line again. We dropped onto the ice.
I was on with Labrowski and Keys. We went back and forth until I saw an opening, and I went for it, zipping around my guy, the next guy. There was a hole. I pretended to shoot it in, but faked, used my skate to push it forward, just past the goalie on his right and I tapped it in.
Goal!
We were ahead, and now we had to hold them off.
Nah.
I was always taught the best defense was an aggressive offense, so when I hit the ice again, I took it right back to the goal. Their goalie hated me. He saw me swinging his way and I could see him get ready. Good. Fucking good. I wanted in this guy’s head.