Cruz cursed under his breath but moved, scooping me up off the couch. He held me to him. I burrowed into his shoulder and neck. He was moving. I closed my eyes, letting myself be carried this time.
I heard the door being locked. The lights went off. He bent, and bent again, and then we were in my bedroom. He moved onto the bed, settling back against the bed’s headboard. One of his arms reached over. I heard a small clinking sound. His arm came back under me, and hoisted me higher in his arms, turning me.
I sank down, straddling him. I clambered up, holding him back like a koala.
His whole body shuddered, right before he rested his head next to mine, his cheek to mine. He murmured, “I don’t know if this is something you need to hear, but just because she’s the mom you got, that doesn’t mean she’s the mother you deserve.”
I inhaled and froze.
Was that what I thought?
Yes. Maybe.
I sat back, looking at him.
He reached up, and ran a hand down the side of my face, to my chin, my lips, and down to my throat. “You deserve everything in the world, Mara. That’s what I think.”
Things were moving inside me, a wall was opening. Cruz was already inside me, but he was creating a bigger opening, and a bunch of fear began to rush up. I clamped that down because he was right. I, at the very least, deserved some healing.
I’d accept that much, for now. But it was a start.
I whispered, “This, you and me, it’s scary as shit to me.”
He started to nod.
I stopped him. “I don’t let myself get close to anyone. But you, you changed the game. I don’t really know what all I’m saying here, but I’m just trying to say thank you and also warning you I’m a mess, but–”
He started smiling during my impromptu speech but leaned in, his mouth touched mine. “Shut up, and same.”
I laughed, my mouth still to his. Nothing else mattered that night.
It was all, just, perfect.
For the moment.
Unknown number: I’m going to kill your mom if you don’t give her what she needs.
Unknown number: Ur a horrible daughter.
Unknown number: U should doe.
Unknown number: Die.
Unknown number: I’ll do your mom and then I’ll come do you.
Blocked calls （21）
43
MARA
I was in a vehicle, with people.
Tasmin, her boyfriend, Miles, Skylar, Zoe, and I were all squished in Tasmin’s SUV.
Friends. Laughing.
I was in the twilight zone.
We were on a road trip heading to Cain. The hockey teams were playing. And since Cain was almost ground zero for Tasmin’s entire family, well; we were going for the weekend.
I was also hiding in the back.
But still. Twilight zone.
“So, are you and Cruz officially out?” Tasmin asked from the driver’s seat, looking at me in the rearview mirror.
I gave her a look. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh my God!” Skylar erupted while Zoe dissolved in laughter. They were in the back seat. Skylar added, “He slept over last night. By the way, you and he are not that quiet.”
“What?” I was mortified.
Zoe couldn’t stop laughing, and she shook her head at the same time, waving her hand in the air. “We’ve known for a while, but we didn’t say anything because you’ve made it clear you wanted to keep it quiet.”
Skylar snorted. “Until this morning. I was going for a run this morning and saw the two of you seriously making out next to his truck.”
Oh. God. I’d gone down with him to say goodbye. We were going to either hop into his truck or go back upstairs. His coach calling him stopped us.
I slouched down in my seat, ignoring Miles laughing next to me. “You and Cruzzie. You two a thingie.”
“Finally!” Zoe was grinning from ear to ear. “Also, that’s his sweatshirt, right? You wear it all the time.”
I glanced down. She was right. It was one of his hoodies, I’d forgotten it was his. “I didn’t know you could tell it’s his.”
“It has his number on the back.”
Oh. My cheeks got hot because I’d really forgotten about that.
I was just shaking my head because there wasn’t anything I could say. Look at me, and how I’ve progressed. Tasmin, in a car with my roommates, and they’re all teasing me about my boyfriend… Or I was assuming he was my boyfriend? We’d not had that actual talk, but no, we were. He said he wanted to be my man. I was his woman. The officialness of this all was new to me.
“Just shut up, you guys.”
They all howled after that.
“You’re making me regret acknowledging you as friends.”
“Never!” Tasmin was beaming at me via the rearview mirror. “Consider me locked on like a zebra mussel. Where you go, I go and you’re never getting rid of me.”
“Look at you, knowing your different types of mussels.” That was Miles.
Tasmin just gave him a smile.
My phone buzzed, and I tensed.
But it was Skylar.
Skylar: Are you freaking out? You can be honest. No judgment from my end.
Me: I’m just not used to people knowing my shit, telling me they know my shit, and me not cutting them off. I got trust issues.
Skylar: You’re in good hands. For real. Everyone is happy for you, even Wade.
Wade, who still hadn’t heard from Angela, and I was the only one who knew why besides the hockey house. I shifted in my seat, feeling a little constricted.
Me: Thanks. I mean it and I’m working on accepting it.
Skylar: GOOD!!!!!!
Zoe: The hoodie looks adorbs on you. I never said anything before, but now I can and you are the cutest hockey girlfriend.
Me: Omg! Thank you.
I laughed, giving her a look over my shoulder, then switching to Skylar.
“Wait. Are you two texting too?” Zoe grabbed Skylar’s hand, pulling it down so she could read her screen.
“What, what, what? Who’s texting and not sharing?” Tasmin wanted to know.
Skylar was fast, but not fast enough. Zoe plucked her phone out of her girlfriend’s hands and read through, then sighed. “Oh. It’s nothing. They’re talking about where they want to eat tonight.”
She handed the phone back to Skylar, the two squeezing each other’s hands before Zoe mouthed to me, “So sorry.”
I texted back.
It’s okay.
Skylar showed her, and Zoe’s smile softened. Zoe shared her screen, and Skylar pumped her head up and down at me, agreeing.
Having friends felt nice, but I double-checked my seatbelt was secured.
Just in case.
Another text came through. Unknown number.
I didn’t let myself read it. I just blocked it, and yeah.
Friends.
All was good.
Blocked calls （38）
44
MARA
“Daniels!”
We’d walked into a restaurant/pub eatery that Tasmin recommended. It was close to the Cain University campus, and we were greeted with that yell as soon as we walked inside. I froze, for a second, until Zeke Allen came walking from a back section. He was wearing all Grant West clothes, and on the front the words embroidered read, “Cruz Styles’ #1 Fan.” He came over, saw I was reading his shirt and wiggled his eyebrows. “Nice, huh?” He gestured to the back with his thumb. “Get a load of this.” He turned around and the words embroidered there were, 'Mara Daniels’ Boyfriend’s Fan Club, Charter Captain.’