Not knowing what else to do, she followed him to the faded red blanket that they had once used to construct elaborate forts in his basement, now spread out near the fire. Steph sat in the middle of it with her arms hugging her knees, her eyes searching the crowd. When she spotted them, she waved excitedly.
“Rose, Noah, over here!” Steph called happily, scooting her legs over to make room.
Part of Rose wanted to shove Steph off the blanket, tell her that it was theirs, hers and Noah’s, and that Steph had no place in their memories.
Instead, she waved back.
Steph Sanchez had been a surprise that summer. They’d met her at a car wash Rose had helped Noah organize for Mrs. Hanley in July, shortly after Steph’s family moved to Stone Lake from Philadelphia. She’d brought her mom’s car to be washed, but when she asked what they were raising money for, she wound up staying to help out. A week later, she and Noah were dating.
Rose still couldn’t believe it had happened that fast. Not when she’d spent months working up the nerve to tell Noah how she felt, only to have the fire ruin all her plans.
What made it worse was that, try as she might, Rose couldn’t bring herself to hate Steph. She even thought they might’ve been friends, if things were different.
Rose tucked her legs underneath her, trying to make herself as small as possible as she perched stiffly at the edge of the blanket. Despite being surrounded by half the school, sitting beside them on their date felt like she was intruding on something private, like she’d stormed into Noah’s bedroom without knocking.
The thought conjured an image of Noah and Steph in bed together, so sudden and vivid that Rose found herself squeezing her eyelids shut to try to block it out, and had to make a conscious effort to drag them back open again.
“—so sorry about that,” Steph was saying. “I definitely want to join you guys next time.”
“Next . . . what?” Rose blinked, realizing she’d zoned out of the conversation.
“Earth to Rose.” Noah laughed. “Next time we fundraise. If there is a next time. We didn’t exactly rake in a fortune.”
His arm was around Steph’s shoulders, his thumb moving slowly up and down against the skin of her neck. Rose folded her hands tightly in her lap to keep them from drifting to her own neck, wondering what his touch must feel like.
She swallowed, forcing a smile to her face. “Next time we’ll just have to have Shawn with us from the beginning.”
“That guy.” Noah shook his head in amazement. “I’d be such a jerk if I were him.”
“You would not,” Steph said, laughing.
“Sure, I would. Look at those cheekbones. Dude could stab me, and I’d probably thank him.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.” Steph tilted her head to smile up at him, her lips only inches from his. “Your cheekbones aren’t so bad.”
“You think?” Noah gazed back at Steph, and there wasn’t a doubt in Rose’s mind that if she weren’t sitting there, watching them, he’d have kissed her.
“I just remembered,” Rose said, scrambling to her feet. “I agreed to watch Emmie tonight.”
“Really?” Noah looked up in surprise.
“Yeah, I’ve gotta get back home.” She didn’t meet his eyes. If she did, she knew he’d be able to tell she was lying.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Noah offered, disentangling himself from Steph.
“No. You stay.”
“You sure?” he said, already in a crouch, ready to spring to his feet.
Rose nodded, her throat thick. “Totally. Talk to you later?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Rose thought she heard a note of disappointment in his voice, but it was probably wishful thinking.
She hurried away as fast as she could without breaking into a run, trying to will away the burning that prickled the backs of her eyes. Why was she doing this to herself? He wasn’t hers. They were friends; that’s all they’d ever been. He didn’t owe her anything, even if she’d once thought . . .
She shook her head. She needed to get over this stupid crush on Noah. He clearly didn’t feel the same way about her, and if she couldn’t figure out a way to be around him and Steph without bursting into tears, she was going to lose him entirely.
So what if he liked Steph and not her? He was still one of her best friends, ever since they were in elementary school. Just because he had a girlfriend now didn’t change that. And it’s not like Steph was terrible or anything. She was actually great. Exactly the type of girl Rose would’ve picked for Noah, if she were in the business of picking girls for him who were not herself.
When she reached her car, she risked a glance back at them—and wished she hadn’t. He hadn’t even waited until Rose was gone to kiss her.
Once Rose had seen them, though, she found she couldn’t look away. For a few long seconds, she just watched them, imagining it was her lips pressed softly against Noah’s, her hair twined through his fingers.
Her chest tightened until she struggled to breathe, her heart thudding painfully against walls that were too thin, too fragile.
Blinking away tears, she climbed into her car and drove away.
Chapter Sixteen
SHAWN
No one seemed to notice his plastic smile as he moved through the throngs of people, slapping shoulders and shaking hands on autopilot. Everyone kept congratulating him on the citizenship award—classmates, teachers, parents—and he kept up a steady stream of warm gratitude, despite the cold hollowness inside him. Like the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.
Thank you so much; it was a real honor.
There were so many good candidates!
I just feel really fortunate to live in such a generous town.
Oh, absolutely, my dad is just thrilled.
He imagined rapping his knuckles against his chest and could almost hear the dull clang of echoing metal.
Still, this was part of what had won him the award in the first place, this ability to work a crowd, to turn on charm like a faucet, to make friends with everyone. He scanned the faces at the bonfire, searching for Lisa, whom he’d lost in the crowd shortly after they’d arrived.
In the car on the way over, he’d told her what his dad had said that morning.
“That’s ridiculous,” Lisa had responded. “First of all, you definitely told him about the brunch. You told me that you told him.”
“Yeah, but I should’ve reminded him,” Shawn said, still kicking himself that he hadn’t.
“Why? You’re not his babysitter. He forgot, big deal. Suck it up and move on.”
Shawn laughed, trying to picture his father’s face if anyone ever told him to “suck it up and move on.” Would he shoot fire out of his ears, or simply explode?
“Second of all,” Lisa continued, “it’s your life. Not his. He had a kid, not a clone. He can’t expect you to just do everything exactly the way he did.”
“He has worked really hard, though,” Shawn argued, not entirely sure why he was defending his dad. “He built his business from nothing, and it is really generous to offer to share it with a kid just out of high school—”
“You’re not just some kid, Shawn. You’re his son. He’s not being generous; he’s being controlling. Has he ever even asked you what you want?”