Suddenly I realize, I can’t do this. I can’t be here when it happens, knowing there’s nothing I can do to change it.
I have to get out of here.
Chapter Sixty
ROSE
Everything was loud that morning.
Veronica came over early, Millie in tow, to squeeze in some last-minute debate prep with Diane. The two babies took over the living room floor, surrounded by a wall of pillows, while their mothers sipped coffee on the couch and ran through talking points again and again.
Rose’s dad bustled around the kitchen, clattering breakfast dishes. He’d baked up a storm the day before, preparing cinnamon rolls, monkey bread, and buttermilk biscuits, along with a breakfast casserole that was still in the oven. After all this stress baking, they wouldn’t have to cook for weeks, provided they didn’t mind living almost entirely on bread.
Lisa sat across from Rose at the kitchen table, both of them still in their pajamas. Other than exchanging murmured good-mornings over glasses of orange juice, neither of them said much. Lisa had been in bed by the time Rose arrived home from talking to Noah the night before, so she’d never learned what it was Lisa wanted to discuss.
Not that Rose had any energy to worry about that right now. Her mind was heavy with the weight of the day. Would Justin still try to do something to stop the fire? He ran so hot and cold all the time that it seemed just as likely that he’d stay in bed all day as show up to fight the fire with his bare hands.
Neither of which would be any help to her.
“Just a minute, Diane. I’ll be right back,” Veronica called from the living room. She rushed by the entrance to the kitchen, and a second later, Rose heard the bathroom door close, followed by the sound of retching.
Veronica must be nervous about the debate. Rose’s stomach clenched. If Justin was right about what would happen tonight, Veronica would never even set foot at the debate. She’d be dead before it started.
But that wouldn’t happen, Rose assured herself. She had Noah, who was ten times more reliable than Justin had ever been. Together, they could do this. They could change the future.
Chapter Sixty-One
LISA
Lisa sat at the kitchen table, drumming her electric-blue nails on its surface as she listened to water rush through the pipes in the ceiling. Rose had left to shower after breakfast, leaving her alone at the table. Lisa went through two cups of tea waiting for her to finish, hoping to settle her nerves, but if anything, she was more worked up now than she had been when she first woke up.
Today was going to be the day. Yesterday hadn’t worked out, but today, she was determined to make it happen.
In front of her lay the newspaper, which she’d flipped over as soon as her stepfather had left the room. Today’s front-page headline again lamented the dangers of the AIDS crisis, and she couldn’t read it without feeling a little queasy.
Her heart jumped and strained against the walls of her chest like an anxious dog on a leash. She was scared, but also a little excited. Shawn had understood. Maybe Rose would, too. And once Rose knew, all the most important people in Lisa’s life—well, except her mom, but that was a bridge Lisa wasn’t ready to cross yet—would know who she really was. No more hiding and pretending, at least with a couple of people.
Lisa imagined holding Charlene’s hand in a place where people could actually see them, and butterflies took flight in her stomach.
She heard the shower turn off, and sprang up from the table. Rushing past her mom and Veronica and the two squirming babies in the living room—“Careful!” her mom called out when Lisa skipped over a crawling Emmie—Lisa met Rose as she emerged from the bathroom at the top of the stairs, her hair wrapped in a purple towel. “Can we talk?” Lisa asked breathlessly.
“Oh,” Rose said, seeming a little taken aback. “I was actually going to—”
“It’s important,” Lisa said. She was determined not to let another chance pass them by. “Please?”
Rose bit her lip, then nodded. After taking a minute to throw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, she walked into Lisa’s room and closed the door. They perched facing one another on the edge of her bed, each with one leg pulled up and the other dangling toward the floor, like they had so many times over the years, even before they were living down the hall from each other.
Lisa took a deep breath, then told her everything. It was easier the second time, especially considering how well Shawn had taken it. The first time, it’d been terrifying, but also freeing. This time, that free feeling came earlier, outweighing the terror.
As she spoke, she watched Rose closely, trying to gauge her reaction. Was she surprised? Confused? Disgusted? The words came easier this time, but the heart-pounding anticipation was the same.
It didn’t help that she couldn’t read her sister’s face. Rose sat motionless and expressionless, wet hair dripping onto her shirt.
When Lisa finished, she held her breath. For long seconds, no one spoke. “So,” Lisa said hesitantly, “what do you think?”
“Do you care?” Rose’s tone was icy.
“What?” Lisa blinked, confused. “Of course I do. That’s why I told you. You’re my sister.”
“Yeah. I’m your sister. We always said we could tell each other anything. I always tell you everything. But you’ve been lying about this to me for how long? Months? Years?”
“That’s not fair,” Lisa said, heat creeping up her neck. Her fingers curled so her nails dug into her palms. She had just shown Rose the most vulnerable part of herself, a part practically no one else had ever seen, and this was her response? “You know this isn’t like your crush on Noah or stealing earrings from the mall. I had to figure out a lot of stuff for myself first. And once I was ready, you’re one of the first people I told. And one of the only people I plan on telling, at least for now. Which, I’ll point out, is a lot more than you’ve been sharing with me lately.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Lisa shook her head, her jaw hanging open incredulously. Was Rose even listening to herself right now? “Have any other pen pals that’ll be dropping by this semester?”
“That is completely different.”
“How? The way I see it, you don’t get to be mad at me for not telling you absolutely everything going on in my life when you’ve had this whole secret boyfriend—”
“He is not my boyfriend.”
“Does he know that? Guys don’t typically just write letters or drop in for surprise visits to see girls they aren’t into.”
“Trust me, it’s not like that.”
Lisa stood, throwing up her hands. “Trust you? Rose, you’ve barely spoken to me all week. You never said one word about this guy to me until he was suddenly here. And yet you have the nerve to accuse me of keeping things from you?”
“It’s not the same thing!”
Lisa was starting to get angry now. “Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me? How lonely? How scary? I have agonized over this for months, over what it meant for me and my life and my future. And I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it, except Charlene. You’re allowed to have crushes that you obsess about and analyze to death and talk about all the time. I’m not. I can’t say anything to anyone without risking everything. I didn’t talk to you about it because I was scared. I didn’t know how you’d react.” She crossed her arms. “I guess I was right. You don’t get it.”