One step forward and half a step back. Every single time.
I don’t want to believe I’m setting myself up for a broken heart. Not when I can see so clearly that this shattered man doesn’t feel deserving of the love he so desperately wants.
I go straight to my apartment when I get home, not in the mood to talk to Van or Dillion, since this weekend started off great and went south fast. I expected it, but it still hurts. And I have to wonder if I’m fighting a losing battle when it comes to him.
I dig into work to take my mind off my woes. I have thirty new emails to weed through. And that was just in a twenty-four-hour period. Over a weekend.
I’m sitting in my chair with my laptop on my outstretched legs, eyes starting to droop since I took my sleep medication earlier than usual, when I’m startled by a knock at the door. I glance out the window, noting that the lights in the house are out, which makes sense since Dillion and Van both get up around six in the morning.
At first, I think I must be hearing things. Or that maybe there’s a bear outside. But the knock comes again, followed by the muffled sound of my name.
I set my laptop aside, pad over to the door, and throw it open to reveal a very disheveled-looking Aaron standing there.
“I’m sorry I was a donkey,” he blurts.
I smile at his phrasing. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, though.” He gives his head a shake. “I brought you to meet my family, and then I treated you like crap because I couldn’t handle the way I feel about you and the whole fucking situation.”
I step back and pull him inside, closing the door behind him. “It’s hard to let people in.” I take his hand and lead him to the couch.
“Why do you have to be so fucking perfect?”
“I am far from perfect, Aaron.”
“You’re patient and kind and giving and understanding. I don’t deserve you, and one day you’re going to figure that out, and then I’ll be right back where I started.” He knocks his hat off his head and runs his hands through his hair, gripping the back of his neck and resting his elbows on his knees. “It was so much easier when I could keep everything separated.”
I settle my hand on his back. I want to say so many things. I want to fix all his broken pieces. “I know you blame yourself for what happened to Devon, but at some point, you’re going to have to learn how to forgive yourself so you can move forward with your life. You deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be cared for, and I know that you don’t believe that right now, but I’m going to be here to keep telling you that until you do.”
He shakes his head, and I shift, sinking to the floor in front of him, taking his face between my hands, forcing him to meet my gaze. “I will love you even when you can’t love yourself. I’m not going anywhere, Aaron.”
His expression is pained and yet hopeful. “I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy.”
I stroke his cheek. “I know. I’ll be here to keep reminding you that you do, until you’re ready to accept it as truth.”
He kisses me, ending the conversation.
Because sometimes it’s easier to feel than it is to think.
Aaron doesn’t push me away again. Instead he lets me in, a piece at a time. He shares college stories about his brother. We stay up late some nights, lying in bed—his or mine—just talking. I love that he relies on me, that he trusts me, and that he comes to me when he needs me.
Over the weeks that follow, I take on more design projects for the Stitches and get ready for the first farmers’ market at the end of August. I manage to entice all my employers to participate in the market. Harry’s Hardware has a booth set up with small DIY woodworking projects; the diner has take-out lunch boxes; Bernie’s law office is participating because it’s National Make-a-Will Month, and they’re offering their services for free; and the Town Pub managed to get a liquor license and a beer tent set up with a cordoned-off area for the plus-twenty-one crowd. The majority of the local businesses are participating; even Tucker Patrick from the real estate office has a booth.
The farmers’ market falls on a Saturday, and I’m kept busy making sure things run smoothly by going booth to booth, ensuring everyone has what they need. I’m also handing out bottles of water because it’s a hot, sunny day.
I’ve just passed out water bottles to the Boones booth—I went into the shop with the intention of begging them to participate but didn’t need to, as they were more than willing—and when I turn around, I’m surprised when Van is standing right in front of me, with my dad and Danielle flanking him.
“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming for a visit!” I throw my arms around Dad’s waist and then hug Danielle as well.
Dad beams with pride. “Honey, this is amazing.”
“Thanks! I had so much fun organizing it. Come on, and I’ll introduce you to all of my bosses.” I thread my arm through his and take him on a tour, my cooler of water bottles emptying as we go.
We stop at the pub booth, and I grab an iced coffee while I introduce Dad to Louis. “You’ve got a wonderful daughter, Mr. Firestone. She’s a real bright light around here, and we’re happy to have her as part of the community.” He pumps my dad’s hand vigorously.
They chat for a few minutes before I take him over to Harry’s Hardware, where I introduce him to Harry and Aaron’s mom, Noreen, who are running the booth. “Your daughter is so talented. I can’t tell you how lucky we are to have her around here. Bee would be so darn proud of everything Teagan and Van have done to help this town.”
I can feel my cheeks heating up as Harry wraps an arm around Noreen’s shoulder and the two of them talk about the day I was hired and how lucky they were that someone called in sick.
My dad and Danielle have met the Stitches before, when Van and Dillion had their engagement party—it was a backyard barbecue. Aaron is helping out at the Footprint booth, and I’m unsurprised to see a group of teen girls wearing shorts and bathing suit tops talking to him.
His eyes flare when he sees me, silently begging me to help him. I offer him a bottle of water, and he grabs my wrist, pulling me into him and laying a very non-PG kiss on me. After which he introduces me as his girlfriend. And then I get to introduce him to my dad—although they’ve also met before, at Dillion and Van’s engagement party, just not as my boyfriend.
The event is a huge success, and by the end of the day I already have requests piling in for another event in the fall. It makes all the late nights and too-little sleep worth it.
And the icing on the cake comes after the event, when we’re all sitting on the dock later in the evening and my dad announces that he and Danielle are engaged. It feels like things are finally falling into place. So I don’t know why my anxiety seems to be worse, not better. But I push it down and tuck it away, chalking it up to the overwhelming day.
A few weeks after the event, Aaron is spending the night at my place. It’s the middle of the week, so he needs to go to bed at a reasonable hour—which often happens to be earlier than my bedtime. He passed out ten minutes ago, and I’m lying here, thinking about the fall farmers’ market. I have double the interest this time, and a bunch of the families from the McMansion side of the lake want to participate as well. I also have the support of the hockey wives, and those ladies love to get involved. Apparently they have a lot of experience with events and event hosting, so they’re fantastic to have on board, but they also seem to have a lot of time to devote to things like this, and when they’re in, they’re all in. So I’ve been getting a lot of texts and emails that I’m trying to stay on top of.