A lot had happened in my absence.
“My queen?” Tanaka asked.
“I am not quite ready,” I said, not looking at the old man.
“But it is cold,” he said.
I did not mind the cold. It, at least, allowed me to feel something beyond the strange, distant numbness that had consumed my body since my father’s death.
“If you are uncomfortable, you may return to the palace,” I replied.
He huffed out a breath and tried once more. “Adrian will be very cross with me if you were to catch a cold.”
“Then I will be sure to protect you from his wrath,” I said, though my reply felt distant, even to my ears. I was distracted, but by nothing in particular, truly unable to focus on one line of thinking. It was as if my mind were a puzzle, and since the bloodletting and betrayal, I had been trying to piece together a picture of my world—its truths and its lies.
I lingered on the tower wall for a few minutes longer. Tanaka did not try to convince me to return to the palace again, and he did not leave my side. I wondered why he stayed. Was it out of true loyalty to Adrian or a ruse?
“Winter is upon us,” said Tanaka, his voice quiet, almost as if he were speaking to himself.
I glanced at him, and he nodded toward the eastern sky where clouds gathered, thick and heavy, full of a coming storm.
“It will be snowing by sundown.”
I frowned. Winters in Revekka were harsh, and while I doubted it would affect Adrian, I worried for those outside our city.
“Is Revekka prepared?”
The blood mist was still a threat, and with fewer noblesse, could the others survive?
“We will do the best we can,” he replied.
“What is your best?” I asked, and when I looked at Tanaka, he had frozen, mouth ajar as if his answer was stuck in his throat, or perhaps he did not have one at all. After a moment, he composed himself.
“These are winter folk, my queen. They know how to survive.”
As much as I desired to remain outside awaiting Adrian’s return, I was queen of Revekka, and while my husband hunted, I would plan.
This world thought they knew a conqueror when Adrian had been born, but they had yet to feel my wrath.
“I must speak with Gavriel,” I said, determined to gather information about Lara. Unfortunately for Adrian, I had no intention of resting. “Summon him to the garden.”
With a final look at the horizon, I left the wall.
Two
Isolde
I returned to my quarters, parting ways with Tanaka at the base of the stairs. I was chilled to my core, my skin so cold it felt tight over my bones and my long hair tangled after spending so much time in the wind, but with each step, my body thawed and I continued to plan.
I would have to return to Lara eventually, along with Killian, and preferably before news of my father’s death spread. I had little faith that I would be welcomed by my people and even less faith that the Nine Houses—or what remained of them—would allow my coronation to take place. And while I knew Adrian could force anything I desired, I did not wish to conquer that way.
Becoming the first queen of Lara mattered. It was how I had always imagined my life, and even though it was unfolding differently, I wanted it no less. And it was not only Lara I wished to possess. I wanted Vela. I wanted to watch the life drain from King Gheorghe’s face as I conquered his kingdom, reclaimed my mother’s homeland, and freed her people—my people. As badly as I would have liked to leave tomorrow, I knew the consequences would be disastrous. Things had to settle in Revekka, and I hoped in that time I would learn Ravena’s intentions with The Book of Dis.
By the time I crested the steps that led to my private room, my heart was filled with fire and vengeance.
As I approached, I heard Violeta and Vesna, my ladies-in-waiting. I paused for a moment, trying to catch pieces of their conversation, but their voices filtered through my closed door, a low murmur of unintelligible words. There was a part of me that felt guilty that I would seek to spy, and yet my trust in others had been crushed and I no longer felt confident in my ability to discern friend from enemy, no matter their role or age.
So I listened a while longer and only caught a few words.
Mother. Jasenka. Kseniya.
Vesna was talking about her family, likely that they were making the move from their small village in Jovea to Cel Ceredi this week. Adrian had appointed Tanaka to find them a small space to rent after I had asked to relocate them. I had many reasons for the request—I did not like seeing Vesna so sad and preferred that she was able to return home to her sisters nightly, and perhaps I felt just the slightest bit of guilt given that I was the reason they were fatherless, but I had not thought beyond the knife in my hand when the man had come to my court, offering his daughter to my husband as a concubine in exchange for immortality.
So I’d taken Vesna and offered him the opposite.
While I knew how Vesna was handling the situation, I was not so certain about her mother or her two younger sisters. I had taken a husband and a father, and despite his abusive nature, emotions always complicated truths.
Would they see me as their liberator or a murderer?
And did it even matter? I was their queen.
I pushed those thoughts aside and entered my chambers. Violeta and Vesna stopped speaking and stood immediately. I could not help the suspicion that clawed at my stomach with their sudden silence.
“My queen,” they said in unison, dipping into curtsies.
“I have much to attend to today,” I said, crossing to my armoire to choose a dress. I had no intention of languidly preparing for the day. I felt as though that luxury was gone, suitable only for a queen who did not intend to rule.
“Of course,” Violeta said. “Will you not eat first, my queen?”
“No,” I said. Even at the mention of food, my stomach twisted. Everything I had consumed since my father’s death tasted burnt, but I offered no explanation.
I had no doubt that the two were attempting to abide by orders Adrian had given, but little could be done when I refused.
I chose a dress—light blue with gold threading. The neckline was scooped, the skirt, though tulle, was sleek, and the sleeves were long, which would keep me warm enough within the castle walls as the storm moved in.
Once I was changed, I smoothed my hair in the mirror. Normally, Violeta would attempt some sort of braid or twist, but I only needed it tame enough to wear my mother’s pearl tiara. It seemed fitting, on the heels of my father’s betrayal, to honor her memory instead. Though it did not feel sufficient, I had little else. My attachment to her and her people was an ache I felt deep in my bones. It was part of my soul that had fractured at birth and would never heal.
I would always mourn what could have been had my mother survived, had she taught me the ways of her world. I knew even if I managed to free the Nalani, I would always be different—never one of them but other. That was how it was when I had been princess of Lara, and it was the same now as queen of Revekka.
And even if I managed to free them, would I be seen as just another conqueror, or would they see me as one of them?
Violeta brought over my tiara. I’d last worn it the day my kingdom had fallen under Adrian’s rule, the day he had asked to marry me. It was a simple piece, a silver band set with fresh pearls. Of the items left from my mother, this was my favorite. It was the crown she had worn in her wedding portrait.