“I know you do.” I clenched my eyes shut and gripped the phone tighter. “I know, Joe.”
“I’m so sorry.” His voice was slurred and held the hint of sleepiness. “I want you to be okay. You and the baby.”
“We are okay,” I tried to reassure him. “But we need you.”
“Nobody needs me.”
“That’s not true,” I argued, heart disintegrating in my chest. “Come back to me.”
“I just need to sleep,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m so fucking tired all the time and my eyes just hurt so fucking bad. It’s hard to stay awake.”
“Is Shannon with you?” I pressed my hand to my forehead and fought back my anxiety. “At Johnny’s place? Did she bring you there?”
“I think so,” he replied uncertainly. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Joey, listen.” Sniffling, I cleared my throat and tried to be the voice of reason for him. “Yeah, you fucked up, okay? You screwed the hell up. You can’t go back, but you can go forward. You don’t have to stay in this headspace, baby. I can help you. We can get you some help.”
There was a long pause before his sleep-deprived voice slurred, “What kind of help?”
“The professional kind,” I offered. “They have rehabs for teens in your position. They have to. I’ll find one for you, okay? We’ll get you the help you need to beat this thing, but you need to come back to me. Just come back to me, baby, and I’ll help you…”
“No one can help me, Molloy.”
“That’s not true,” I argued vehemently. “You've got a beautiful mind, Joey Lynch, and a wonderful heart. You can beat this. You just have to want to. It's half the battle. You can still fix this. You have time. You can get better. Just try, Joe. That's all you have to do. Just try, baby. I love you so much. Watching you self-destruct like this is killing me.”
“I only want you.”
“And I only want you,” I choked out. “But I need you healthy. I won’t let you destroy yourself. We have a baby on the way, Joey. I won’t let you throw in the towel now.”
“It’s too fucking late for me, Molloy.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t say that.”
“I’m fucked in the head.”
“I’m coming to get you,” I declared, searching my room for my car keys. “Just wait there and I’ll be over.”
“No, fuck, don’t come here,” he groaned. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Joey, I’m coming.”
“If you come here, I’m out.”
“Joey!”
“No, don’t come here, okay?” He groaned down the line before adding, “Just let me get straightened out and I’ll come to you.”
Dragging my hands through my hair, I resisted the urge to pull on the ends and exhaled a strangled breath.
I couldn’t just leave him there.
Not when I finally knew where he was.
He had put me through hell the past eight days.
I knew he was high.
I knew he was self-destructing.
I knew I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop him, but I still wanted to.
I still wanted to dive headfirst into the world he was drowning in and pull him to safety – or at the very least, keep his head above water.
“Stay on the line,” he whispered, voice drifting in and out. “I love you.”
“Promise me you’ll stay at Johnny’s house.”
“I promise.”
“And you’ll come see me first thing tomorrow.”
“First thing.”
“Joe, I mean it. Promise me.”
“I promise, I promise. I’m just…so tired.”
“Where are you now?”
“His room. Big bed.”
“Okay.” Exhaling a ragged breath, I tried to wrangle my emotions into check, while I listened to the sound of him breathing down the line. Taking comfort in the knowledge that his heart was still beating. “I want you to curl up on that big old bed and get some sleep. Can you do that for me, Joe?”
“Mm.”
“Hey, Joe?”
“Hm?”
“Can you roll on your side for me, so that I know you won’t choke if you get sick?”
“Mm-mm.”
“Good job, stud.”
“Don’t go, queen.”
“I won’t.”
“Stay with me.”
“Always.”
With my heart thundering in my chest, I walked up the private driveway towards a familiar front door.
Knowing that I was clutching at straws by coming here, but having little else to cling to, I pressed my finger against the fancy doorbell and held my breath.
A few moments ticked by before the door swung inwards, and I was greeted by a middle-aged woman in hospital scrubs. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, yeah.” Blowing out a breath, I offered her a small smile. “So, I know he doesn’t live here, but I’m looking for, ah, for Gibsie?”
Recognition immediately flickered in the woman’s brown eyes, and she smiled warmly at me. “Usually, you would find Gerard here, but for once, he’s raiding his own fridge.” With her hand outstretched, she pointed to yet another impressive looking three-story house on the opposite side of the street. “He lives at number nine, sweetheart.”
“Thanks so much,” I replied, feeling myself sag with relief, as I quickly spun on my heels and moved to cross the quiet, cul-de-sac road.
“If you happen to see his curly-haired sidekick in your travels, please tell her that her mother said she’s grounded,” Mrs. Biggs called after me.
“Yeah, sure, no problem.” Too frazzled to take in a word of what she was saying, I hurried up to the front door and knocked repeatedly until the hall light came on.
This time, when the door opened, I was greeted by a surprised looking Gibsie. “Well, hey there, Mrs. Joey the hurler.”
“I need your help.”
“Okay…” Brows furrowing, he stepped aside for me, but I stayed where I was. “But if it’s advice you need help with, then I must warn you that I am a terrible choice of candidate.”
“I don’t want your advice, Gibsie.”
“That’s a relief,” he chuckled. “Because I’m bad at it. And when I say bad, I mean terrible. Ask anyone on this road. I am the very last person you should come to in a crisis—”
“Oh my god, stop talking and start listening.”
“Shutting up now.”
“I need directions to your friend Johnny Kavanagh’s house,” I stated, feeling my anxiety rise with every minute that passed. “I’ve been there before, but I can’t remember the way, and I need to get there.”
“Shit.” Concern flicked in his grey eyes. “You’re looking for Joey.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You’ve seen him?”
He nodded.
“When?”
“Today.”
“How was he?”
He winced but didn’t reply.
That was enough to tell me what I already knew.
“Oh Jesus.” Feeling like my lungs had been severed, I pressed a hand to my chest and choked out a labored breath. “I need you to help me.”