“I think you should come inside,” he replied, still holding the door open for me.
“Please.” Tears burned my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away. “I need you to take me to him.”
“I don’t know.” Scratching his broad chest, Gibsie looked around aimlessly. “I, ah, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“A good idea?” I glared at him. “I don’t give a shit what you think, Gibbers, I need to get to my boyfriend, and I’m asking you to help me.”
“I hear you,” he tried to coax, holding his hands up. “And I want to help you. I swear, I do. But—”
“Eight days,” I choked out, not bothering to lie or hide my emotions. If Gibsie saw Joey today, then he knew what I was dealing with. “I haven’t seen him in eight damn days.”
“He’s safe,” he replied, tone taking on a sincere tone. “I promise, okay? Kav’s got this. Your boy is sleeping it off at his gaff. Shannon’s there with him. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“You don’t get it,” I bit out, repressing the urge to scream. “I need to see him.”
“I’m not going to lie to you. Your lad is in a real bad fucking way,” Gibsie came right out and told me. “But he’s safe. If you go over there and wake him up, fuck knows what he’ll do or where he’ll go.” He shook his head and gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m not trying to get in your business here, but I really really think you should let him sleep it—”
“Hi,” a familiar voice interrupted, moments before a blonde head of curls peeked out from under Gibsie’s arm. “It’s Aoife, right? From our 90’s party?” Clad in an oversized rugby jersey and a pair of fluffy pink pajamas bottoms and matching bunny slippers, she beamed at me. “You remember me, don’t you? I’m Claire Biggs.”
“Yeah, hi, I remem—“ Before I had a chance to finish, she snaked her hand out and caught ahold of mine.
“Come on inside before you freeze to death on the doorstep.” She slapped her pal’s chest. “Honestly, Gerard,” she scolded as she pulled me inside and led me down the hallway, through a dimly lit kitchen, and into a spacious conservatory. “Where are your manners? You don’t leave girls on the doorstep at night.”
“I didn’t,” Gibsie was quick to protest as he ambled along behind us. “I was holding the door for her like a gentleman.”
“Are you hungry?” Claire continued, leading me over to a cardboard box on the glass coffee table in the center of the room. “Thirsty?”
“No, I’m fine,” I replied, prying my hand free. “I just really need to…what the hell is that?” My mouth fell open and I watched as she dropped to her knees in front of the table, awing and cooing at the contents of the box. “Is that a rat?”
“What? No,” Claire replied, retrieving the gardening glove next to the box and pulling it on before reaching inside and retrieving the prickly creature. “We found him in the middle of the road on the way back from Johnny’s place. He was all alone in the dark, and we couldn’t leave him there in case he got driven over, so we brought him home.” Smiling dotingly at the ‘thing’ in her hand, she cooed, “Isn’t he the most adorable ball of cuteness you’ve ever seen?”
“I, ah…” Shaking my head, I tried to come up with something logical to say when it felt like I had entered the twilight zone. “Guys, that’s a hedgehog.”
“His name is Reginald Gibson-Biggs,” Gibsie corrected, sitting cross-legged on the plush rug next to his gal-pal. “Come on, Claire-Bear. Don’t be greedy. It’s my turn.” Setting a pillow on his lap, he patted it and cooed, “Come to Daddy, Reggie.”
“Careful, Gerard, he’s really skinny.”
“I know what I’m doing, Claire-Bear.”
“I know you do, but he’s just so itty-bitty.”
“That’s because he’s just come out of hibernation. Poor baby is starving.”
“Should we get him some worms?”
“Do hedgehogs eat worms?” His brows furrowed. “I thought they ate grass.”
“I think I remember learning about a hedgehog’s diet in nature class.”
“Shit, I didn’t take nature class.”
“Everyone in Ireland takes nature class in primary school, Gerard.”
“Well, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“When?”
“Remember being taken out on long walks with your teacher and class?”
“Yeah?”
“Those were nature walks,” she explained. “For nature class.”
“Well shit,” he chuckled. “I thought they were movement breaks.”
Morbidly curious, I tilted my head to one side, watching as they took turns mothering a wild animal. “Should you be touching that thing?”
“Reggie.”
“Reggie,” I corrected, shuddering when Gibsie tickled its little underbelly. “Animals in the wild can carry diseases, you know.”
“Look at him,” Claire cooed, holding the prickly creature up for me to pet. “How can you even think that about something so precious?”
“Yeah, so… precious.” Achingly aware that I, too, was mothering something equally as precious to me in my womb, I took a safe step back and shrugged. “Listen, all I need is directions to Johnny’s house and I’ll be on my way.” Grimacing, I added, “And you guys can have all of the quality time you want with, uh, little Reggie.”
FLYING HIGH, FALLING LOW
JOEY
Blood on the walls.
Blood on the floor.
Vacant blue eyes.
Terrified brown eyes.
Disappointed green eyes.
Faces of loved ones I continued to let down flashed in front of my eyes in the darkness, sending my anxiety to levels I couldn’t cope with me.
Trembling from head to toe, I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling, feeling the cold seep so deep into my bones that I briefly pondered if I was on the brink of death. I could hear my heart still thundering in my chest, but I was numb, and my limbs felt lifeless.
Cloaked in darkness, I scratched and tore at my arms, desperate to rid myself of the unbearable itching sensation just beneath the surface of my skin. Knowing that the hunger threatening to eat me from the inside out had little to do with food, I twisted onto my side and swallowed down a mouthful of bile.
Get the fuck up.
No, just lie down.
Don’t you dare stay down.
Go into the bathroom, find a razor, slit your goddamn wrists, and be done with this nightmare.
Don’t worry, Peter Pan. I’ll be your Wendy.
Think of the baby.
“Molloy.” Licking my cracked lips, I forced myself to twist onto my side, and then, when the movement didn’t cause me to spew my guts up, I pressed on and slowly pulled myself into a sitting position at the edge of the bed.
Pain.
It was everywhere.
In my arms.
In my eyes.
In my ribs.
In my heart.
There wasn’t an inch of me that didn’t ache anymore.