I nodded, appreciating the fact that he didn’t try to bullshit me or fob me off with empty promises.
The shrill sound of a mobile phone piercing filled the air and John quickly stood. “That’ll be the school,” he said, moving for the hallway. “Please excuse me.”
“When did it happen?” Edel asked once her husband had left the room.
“When did what happen?”
"When did you lose yourself?"
"The day I was born."
Sadness filled her eyes. “And the drugs?”
I stiffened.
“I’m not blind, love,” she said in a gentle tone, inclining her head to where I had my sleeve rolled up to my elbows. “I’m don’t come from a sheltered home, either, which means that I know track marks when I see them.”
Ashamed, I pushed my sleeves down and stared at the counter.
“How long has it been since you last shot up?”
I remained silent, knowing there was no right answer to this question.
“A day? Two at the most?” Her voice was gentle and full of understanding when she asked, “Does your skin itch so bad you want to tear yourself open? Has the cold gotten into your bones so deep you feel like you’ll never be warm again? What about the cold sweats and the nausea? Have you reached the stage where you would rather die than go without?”
“I have it under control.”
“Do you?” she sighed heavily. “Or does it have control of you?”
“You don’t know me.”
“What did it start with, love? Cannabis? Prescription medication? Benzos? Uppers? Hmm? How long did those keep you sated until you moved onto something stronger like coke or fentanyl? When did you take the plunge?”
“What fucking difference does it make to you?” I spat, feeling my hackles rise, as I tried to defend the inexcusable. “I’m not hurting anyone.”
“Joey love, you deserve a good life, too,” she pushed. “Everything I want for your Shannon and your brothers, I want for you as well.”
“I’m eighteen.”
“Love, it wouldn’t matter to me if you were eighty,” she said. “We would still want that for you.”
“Well, I don’t want that for me,” I argued. “I don’t want to be mothered, and I don’t need a father figure. I’m too old for that shit.”
“You’re never too old to be loved, Joey.”
“My childhood ended a long time ago.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that.“
“It’s too late for me.”
“It’s never too late, Joey.”
“Aoife’s pregnant,” I decided to throw out there, deciding I had nothing to lose. “I’m about three and half months away from becoming a father myself, so I appreciate the offer, but the only family I’m interested in being a part of is the one I’ve made with her.”
“Pregnant?” Edel’s eyes widened. “You don’t do things by halves, do you, Joey love?”
I shrugged in response because, in all fairness, what the fuck else could I do?
“And where does this little habit of yours fit in with your girlfriend and baby?”
“It clearly doesn’t,” I bit out, hating that she hit the nail on the head. “I’ll fix it.”
“Look at you,” she said, with tears filling her eyes. “Look at how articulated you are. How smart. How brave.” She smiled sadly. “You know that this is too big for you, love.” She reached across the counter and covered my hand with hers. “Let me help you.”
“No.” Jaw clenched, I shook my head. “I don’t need your help.”
“Joey, love—”
“No,” I repeated, yanking my hand away. “Don’t talk about this, okay? It’s a hard fucking limit for me.”
“Because you know you’re in trouble, love.”
“Because it doesn’t matter to you,” I snapped. “It doesn’t matter, okay? So just drop it.”
“I think is does matter, Joey, and I think you matter, too.”
“You’re wrong,” I bit out, needing this woman to just back off. “So, just give up.”
“You’ve been traveling down a very long road, love. Maybe it’s time to rest those feet and let someone else carry the load for you?” She implored me with her eyes to listen. “Let me help you. Let me save you, Joey.”
“You can’t.” What part of that didn’t she get? “There’s nothing left to save, Mrs. Kavanagh, so please just stop.”
When her son strode into the kitchen a moment later, I could have kissed the fucking ground at his feet.
“Oh, love, you’re home.” Springing to her feet, Edel rushed for her son, thankfully taking her hugs and cuddles with her. “How was training?”
“Grand,” Kavanagh replied, accepting his mother’s kiss on the cheek. “What’s going on?”
“Are you hungry, Johnny? I’ve made roast beef with pepper sauce.”
“Jesus.” Sinking down on the stool his father had vacated, he let out a whistle and pointed to my face. “Cormac got you good.”
No, my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s father got me good.
“Yeah, and I got you good,” I said instead, feeling like a piece of shit for clocking him earlier. “Sorry about that,” I offered with a shrug. “Poor communication skills.” Understatement of the century.
“So, what’s happening now?”
“I’m in a fair bit of shit,” I deadpanned. “That’s what’s happening now.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much,” he replied evenly, sounding eerily similar to his father in this moment. “Are you being charged?”
“He’s not going to be charged with anything,” his mother answered for me as she fussed at him and ruffled his hair. “Your father has made sure of that.”
Kavanagh’s brows shot up. “You’re off the hook?”
“Apparently.” I shrugged again. “According to your parents.”
“Where’s your ma?” Jesus Christ, he was as nosey as his mother. “Did she go down to the station for you?”
Did she fuck.
“She’s working,” I deadpanned, knowing that a fella with parents like his could never in a million years understand my situation. He could try. He could sympathize. He could listen to all of my sister’s tales of woe. But he could never truly get it. No one could. Not unless they lived through it. “Couldn’t get through to her phone.”
“That was principal Twomey,” John announced, returning to the kitchen, phone in hand. “The school board held an emergency meeting tonight.”
“And?”
“And Bella will not be returning to Tommen to finish out the school year.”
“Thank Christ for that,” I muttered, thankful that at least something good had come from a very unproductive day. One of my sister’s bullies was gone. Permanently. I considered that to be worth the hassle. Knowing that Shannon would have one less tormentor made the whole ordeal worthwhile.