“Push, Aoife. We need you to push.”
“I’m right here,” I whispered in her ear, holding onto her head to stop us both from watching. “Just stay with me, Aoif. Stay with me, okay?”
Crying out in agony when they pushed on her stomach, she clung to my shoulders. “Make it stop!”
I wanted to.
More than anything I’d ever wanted in my life.
“Push, Aoife. Harder. Come on, baby needs to be delivered.”
“Ahhhh.” Her face was white to the point of grey, as she clung to me and pushed with all her might, panting and shaking violently. “I’m scared.”
Me, too.
“Don’t be,” I tried to soothe, leaning in close so that she was only focusing on my face, and not what was happening around us. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Ahhhh,” she screamed again, face contorting in pain before suddenly growing limp in my arms.
Moment later, the sound of a baby screaming filled the room.
“You did it, Aoif,” I choked out, trembling just as badly as she was, as the sound of our child filled the room. “You did it, baby.”
“Yeah,” she strangled out, nodding weakly, as her eyes rolled. “Oh, god…”
“Hey, hey hey.” Leaning over the bed, I caught ahold of her face between my hands and tried to keep her focused, while the doctors continued to work on her. “You’re okay.” I pressed a kiss to her head. “Come on, Molloy, stay with me. Can you hear the baby?”
“Yeah.” She was trembling and so was I.
I could hear the screaming baby in the background, I didn’t even know what we had, but I didn’t dare move from her side, as I focused on her face and ignored the way they were working on her body. “You’re okay. Shh, shh, baby, you’re okay.”
“Joe…”
“Step aside, Dad,” one of the nurses instructed. “Mom needs a little help right now.”
I’d never seen so much blood.
But I wasn’t about to tell her that.
“No, no, no,” she slurred, pushing weakly at the oxygen mask they were placing over her mouth and nose. “Joe…”
They were all so calm when I felt like my world was slipping away from me. I was watching her body bleed out while, she was still conscious.
It was beyond terrifying.
Freaking the fuck out, a nurse led me over to where the baby was, as they worked on stemming the bleeding.
She’s hemorrhaging.
She’s bleeding out.
You killed her.
She’s going to die.
Feeling faint, my gaze flicked between the operating table my girlfriend was lying on, and the baby in the incubator in front of me.
I didn’t even know what it was.
I was too fucking panic stricken.
“Mom is fine,” the nurse continued to coax. “Don’t worry. She’s in the best hands. She’s going to be just fine. Now, come and meet your son.”
“Son,” I repeated, numb, as my attention flicked back to Molloy. “Aoif?”
I couldn’t see her anymore.
Too many people in scrubs had taken up position around her for me to see.
“Molloy?” My heart gunned in my check. “Aoife!”
“Here you go, Dad.”
Moments later, the screaming bundle was thrust into my arms.
“Congratulations, Dad. He’s a beauty.”
Struck fucking dumb, I stared down the baby in my arms.
He was roaring like a bull, with his tiny hands balled into fists, as he squirmed and stretched in my arms.
“Jesus,” I breathed, cradling him in my arms, as my emotions got the better of me. “You’re here.”
And then he opened his eyes and looked at me.
And I was done.
My heart no longer beat for me.
For the rest of my days, it would beat entirely for the child in my arms.
Fuck.
Still draped in a blue gown and hair net, I was removed from theatre, while my girlfriend and baby remained inside.
My heart was hammering.
My mind was reeling.
Breathing hard and fast, I sagged against the wall in a nearby corridor, feeling my heart thunder wildly in my chest.
What the fuck just happened?
It was all so fast.
My phone was ringing in my pocket, and I had to get a handle on myself and force myself to answer.
“Joey.” That was Trish. “What’s happening? Is she okay? Did she have the baby?”
“I, ah, yeah, she’s okay,” I croaked out, still completely reeling from the way it had all gone down. “The baby got stuck. They had to bring her down to theatre to deliver.”
“She had a caesarean?”
“No.” I shook my head, feeling rattled. “They got him out before that.”
But the things they had to do to her.
The blood.
The pain on her face.
I flinched at the memory.
“Him?” Trish’s voice hitched. “It’s a boy?”
“Yeah.” I exhaled a ragged breath, head nodding vigorously, as I tried to get my head around the life changing events that had just taken place. “He’s huge, Trish. They told me he was 56 centimeters long and he weighs like 4.4 kilos.”
“What’s that in pounds and ounces?”
“9lbs 12oz according to the midwife.”
“Oh, Jesus, the poor girl.”
“Yeah, I know.” I flinched again. “What time is it?”
“It’s half past three in the morning,” she replied. “What time was the baby born?”
“A little over an hour ago,” I replied. “Just after twenty-past two.”
“Where are you now? Are you with Aoife? Can you put her on the phone?”
“No, I ah…” I swallowed deeply and pressed the heel of my hand to my head, fighting down the panic trying to claw its way out of me. “She was, ah, she was hemorrhaging, and they couldn’t find the source of the bleeding. I heard them say something about a possible uterine rupture.” Blowing out a pained breath, I strangled out, “She’s still in theatre.”
“No.” The cry that tore from my girlfriend’s mother’s throat put the fear of God inside of me. “Oh Jesus no. She’s in there alone?”
“They wouldn’t let me stay,” I strangled out, chest heaving, as the realization of how serious this was hit home. “I tried, Trish, but they put me out. Said I couldn’t be in there when she was under general anesthetic.”
“Oh, Joey love, don’t panic,” she choked out. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“Yeah.” I blinked back my tears. “Me, too.”
PART TWELVE
MAMMY’S A FIGHTER
JOEY
After being put through the wringer, Molloy was wheeled into the recovery room ninety minutes later, hooked up to more wires and drips than I’d ever seen in my life.
When I was taken in to be with her, I felt faint.
She was grey in color.
Fucking grey.
All completely normal, I was continuously reassured of by the nurses and doctors still gathered around her, monitoring her vitals, as I remained by her side. My attention flicked between the girl asleep on the bed, and the baby that had been returned to me with his mother.