Would her plans for the future match up with mine?
If they didn’t, could we make it work?
Would she want to?
Would I?
I had wanted her since I was twelve years old, and now that I finally had her, I quickly realized that I would never stop wanting her.
I used to feel like an insect trapped in the unyielding web of lies my parents had spun around my life, but I now knew that the web my parents spun never held a flame to the one Molloy had weaved around my heart.
I was also achingly aware of the fact that there was a baby coming early in the summer.
Another Shannon.
Another Tadhg.
Another Ollie.
Another Sean.
And as much as I despised myself for it, I knew deep down that I couldn’t do it again.
I couldn’t raise another one of his children.
I wanted a life of my own.
More than that, I wanted a life with the girl in my bed.
She joked about rings, and weddings, and babies, but I didn’t know if she was serious – or if it was something I was capable of giving her.
I didn’t want marriage or babies, but the thought of her having those things with someone who wasn’t me made me want to die.
The thought of her, years into the future, with another man’s ring on her finger, or worse, another man’s child in her stomach, made me want to burst into flames.
Deep down inside, I knew that it all came down to what I could and couldn’t live with.
So, could I live with marriage and babies if that was what her future consisted of?
Could I live with it?
All I knew was that I couldn’t live without her.
It wasn’t an option.
Jesus, I was so fucking snared by this girl.
When the song ended, and Mazzy Star’s Fade Into You drifted from my stereo, I felt her stir against my chest.
"Mm. I love this song." Snuggling in close, she draped an arm around my stomach and pressed a kiss to my bare skin. “I love you.”
Wondering how the fuck I had managed to get this girl in the first place, let alone keep her around, I tilted my head to study her.
Naked as the day she was born, and with an aura of contentment floating from her in waves, Molloy didn’t move to cover herself up.
Confident in her skin, and in my feelings for her, she arched her back like a kitten stretching and let out a sexy, moaning yawn.
Her blonde hair was splayed over our bodies, and I twisted a strand around my finger aimlessly, as I pondered my next move.
She made it for me when she declared, “My stomach is growling like crazy.”
“Is that your way of telling me to get my ass out of bed and go to the shop for you?”
“Yep,” she agreed, nuzzling my chest with her cheek. “You know what I would love, Joe?”
“What would you love, Molloy?”
“A Loop the Loop ice pop, and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps.”
I reached for my phone and unlocked the screen. “It’s half ten.”
“Centra on main street is open until eleven.”
“And there’s nothing I can tempt you with from the kitchen?”
“Does the kitchen have Loop the Loop ice pops and salt and vinegar crisps?”
I sighed in resignation. “Fine, let me up.”
“You’re the best.” Grinning victoriously, she rolled onto her back and sighed in contentment. “You can take my car.”
“You can bet your ass I’m taking your car,” I replied, pulling on my clothes and reaching for her keys. “Is there anything else the queen would like?”
“No, I think that’s all, my noble steed,” she shot back, without missing a beat.
“I’m not a horse, Molloy.”
“Maybe not in real life, but metaphorically speaking, you’re an absolute stallion in the sheets.”
“Fuck off.”
“Sure thing, stud.” She waggled her brows. “See what I did there.”
“Hilarious.” I shook my head and pocketed my wallet. “Lock the door behind me. I’ll be back in half an hour.”
“Will do. Oh, and go ask Shan if she wants something,” she called out as I closed the door behind me.
I knocked on the door next to mine.
“Come in,” my sister called out, and I pushed her door inwards to find her sitting cross-legged on her bed, with her schoolbooks laid out in front of her. “What’s up, Joe?”
“I’m going to the shop. Do you want anything?”
“You are?” She offered me a small smile. “Where’s Aoife?”
“In my room.”
Sticking her pencil behind her ear, she flicked through the pages of her textbook.
“Is she staying over?”
“Yeah,” I replied, impatient. “Do you want something from the shop or not? It’s closing soon.”
“Why are you going to the shop so late?” She eyed me curiously. “What do you need that’s so important?”
Deciding it would be more fun to fuck with her than admit my girlfriend had sent me out on a food run, I grinned and said, “do you honestly want me to answer that?”
“No,” she groaned, thoroughly sickened with me. “Go away.”
Laughing, I closed the door behind me. “Night, Shan.”
“Be safe!” she called after me. “I’m too young to be an auntie.”
“No fear of that happening,” I grumbled, repressing a shiver.
“Tampons!” My bedroom door flew inwards, and Molloy’s head popped out. “Get me a box of tampons, too, Joe, will you? I’m really bloated, and I’m due on any day now. I didn’t pack any in my bag, and your mam doesn’t have any in the bathroom.”
“Wouldn’t Shannon have—”
“No, I’ve asked her before. She’s not there yet.”
“Fine.” There went my plans for the next week. “Do you want the sticks or the pads?”
“Sticks?”
I shrugged. “You know what I mean. The blue box of sticks. Is that what you need, or is it the ones with the sticky stuff on the back?”
“Whatever you can find is fine, Joe,” she replied with a laugh. “You’re the best.”
I was a fool for her, that’s what I was.
Jesus, the old man was right; I was pussy-whipped.
I’M ALWAYS CAREFUL
AOIFE
“We need to talk,” Casey announced on Monday morning, as she stood in the middle of the empty girls changing room at school and glared at me.
We had a double class of P.E and I was sitting on the wooden bench, last as usual, attempting to tie the laces of my football boots and catch up with the rest of my class.
Meanwhile, Casey was fully kitted out in her training gear which consisted of a jersey, white GAA shorts, socks and boots.
She had her hurley in one hand and her pink helmet –something I hadn’t realized they sold in that color – in the other.
“I’ve tried to keep my nose out,” she added, planting her hands on her hips. “Really, I have. I figured that you’d tell me when you were ready, but it’s starting to get obvious now.”
“I’m a little lost here, Case,” I admitted, adjusting my football socks before reaching for my hurling helmet – a staple item in every school-going Irish person’s cupboard across the country.