“Oh, you’ll care, you spiteful little shit,” I growled, backing up the garden path towards our gate. “And you’ll be sorry.”
“What are you going to do?” he called after me. “Set your guard dog on me? Again?”
“I pulled him off you the last time,” came my heated reply. “Don’t think I’ll make that mistake twice.”
“And I let him off the hook the last time,” my brother reminded me. “Don’t think I’ll make that mistake twice.”
“No, Kev, I won’t set my boyfriend on you,” I hissed, shoving the gate open. “Because, unlike you, I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’ve never fought your own battles a day in your damn life,” I practically screamed. “You’re too busy hiding behind Mam’s skirt.”
“Bullshit.”
“Oh, you think you’ve just sailed through secondary school based on your stellar personality alone?” I demanded. “No, asshole, you’ve been wrapped in bubble wrap for six years, because I’ve had your back the entire time.”
“I never asked you to do that for me.”
“You didn’t have to ask me,” I bit out. “That’s what family does. They look out for each other. They protect each other. They have each other’s backs.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Or at least, that’s what I thought we were, but clearly, I was wrong.”
“You’re overreacting here,” he muttered, rubbing his jaw.
“No, you’re underestimating the damage you’ve done to our relationship,” I corrected, pointing a finger at him. “I’m done having your back, Kev. I’m done being your sister. It ends today. And good luck getting Mam back on side now that she’s finally seen you for what you truly are – a fucking brat!”
“I was upset,” he tried to defend himself, throwing his hands up. “You and Mam were keeping secrets, and spending so much time together—”
“And poor little Kev spat the dummy because he wasn’t getting his mammy’s undivided attention like he’s used to getting every second of the day since we were born,” I filled in, tone laced with sarcasm. “Well, boo-fucking-hoo, you sap. So, Mam gave me a sliver of attention for once after you’ve spent eighteen years monopolizing her time. Get the hell over yourself!”
“Like your boyfriend has done with our father?”
“If you have a problem with Dad’s relationship with Joey, then take it up with Dad,” I shot back, wholly enraged. “Don’t ruin my life because you want to put a wedge between them.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do.”
“That’s exactly what you were trying to do,” I snapped. “And yeah, you might have achieved it, but you also lost yourself a sister in the process.”
“Aoife, come on,” he called after me. “I’m sorry, okay?”
“Don’t come too close, Kev,” I called over my shoulder, as I stormed down the footpath away from my brother. “You wouldn’t want the neighbors seeing you associating with the family slut.”
“What did you say to her, ya little bollox?” Rushing into the garden, with Mam hot on his heels, Dad called after me, “Aoife, get back here in your condition.”
“Don’t go running off like this,” Mam added. “Come back inside, love. Your father’s not going to shout at you.”
“Leave me alone!” I screamed, breaking into a run, as I raced down the footpath, needing to get as far away from my family as possible.
Because I couldn’t do this.
It was too much.
I couldn’t handle the emotions rushing through me.
I was too close to my breaking point to take another hit.
However, when I rounded the corner at the end of my street, and smacked into a hard chest, that’s exactly what happened.
“Holy shit.” A familiar pair of hands came around me, moving to grip my shoulders and steady me. “Molloy.” Joey was breathing hard and fast, clearly having sprinted all the way over here from school. “The fuck are you running off to?”
I couldn’t answer him because I had no idea where I had intended to go.
I only knew that he was exactly where I needed him to be.
“Joe.” Unable to shoulder this crippling weight by myself for a second longer, I slumped against him, needing to feel his arms around me in this moment more than I needed my next breath. “Joe.”
“It’s okay.” His arms came around me, tight and full of comfort, as he pulled me into his embrace. “Shh. It’s okay.”
Burying my face in the front of his school jumper, I clutched the fabric at his back, and let him take my weight, taking every ounce of support he was offering me. Because I needed his support. I needed him.
“I’ve got you, Molloy.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner,” I cried. “For you having to find out like you did.“
“Listen to me.” With his hands on my cheeks, and his fingers tangled in my hair, he forced me to look up at him. “Don’t apologize. I get it, okay?”
“You get it?”
“I get it.” He nodded slowly. “Why you didn’t tell me. What you were trying to do. I don’t like it, but I get it.” He exhaled a shaky breath. “I’m just so fucking sorry for being the kind of person that you felt you needed to protect, when it should have been the other way around.”
Unable to tear my eyes away, I watched as Joey absorbed the brunt of the metaphorical axe that I had just swung down on his neck – on his entire world.
I could see it all in his eyes.
Everything he wanted to say, everything I wanted to say, but never would.
All of the fear.
The regret.
The hurt.
The guilt.
Expelling a pained breath, Joey lowered his face to mine and gently rested his brow against mine. “I’m so sorry, Molloy.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks, and my breath came in short puffs, as I reached up and covered his hands with mine. “I’m sorry, too, Joe.”
“I don’t know what to say here,” he admitted in a hoarse tone. “I’m scared to fucking death right now, so I can only imagine how you’ve been feeling. But I’m here, okay?” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I’m here and I’m going nowhere.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly, eyes locked on mine. “I won’t run.”
“You swear?”
“I swear,” Joey replied, tone laced with sincerity. “I won’t leave you alone in this.”
“Then that’s all you need to say,” I sobbed, nuzzling his cheek with mine. “Because that’s all I need to know.”
I’LL BE THERE
JOEY
Having had a grand total of seventy-three minutes to get my head around the fact that my girlfriend was housing an atomic fucking bomb inside her belly, with fifty percent of my genes, I held her in my arms, and tried to comfort her, while my brain freewheeled into overdrive.