“Stop shouting at me, asshole.”
“I’m not shouting at you,” I shouted, throwing my hands up. “I’m having a panic attack.”
“Then calm down, Joey.”
“I am calm. This is about the calmest a fella can get when he discovers that he’s the last to find out that his girlfriend is having his baby,” I practically roared.
“I’m sorry, okay. I was trying to protect you,” she shouted back hoarsely. “That’s all I was trying to do.”
“That wasn’t your call to make,” I shot back, trembling. “I had a right to know what was going on.”
“Yeah, well, I thought that I was doing the right thing,” she bit out stubbornly. “Besides, it’s my body this is happening to.”
“It’s my baby,” I countered doggedly, and then reeled when I registered what I’d just said. “Oh Jesus,” I wheezed, feeling my heart constrict so tight, I thought I might be having a heart attack. “It’s my baby.” Pressing a hand to my chest, I heaved out a breath, and tried to get the gasps under control. “Oh fuck.”
“I’m so sorry, Joe.” Throwing her hands up, Molloy spun on her heels and bolted away from me. “Please don’t hate me.”
I knew that I needed to go after her, but I couldn’t get my feet to cooperate.
Managing to make it two steps in the direction she went, I collapsed in a heap on my ass, completely fucking reeling.
Pregnant.
She was pregnant.
With a baby.
With my baby.
Get the fuck up and take care of her.
Stop thinking about yourself, you fucking pussy.
Don’t even think about pretending that you don’t care.
It’s yours and you care.
She’s yours and you care.
It does matter and you do care.
PART FIVE
THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY
“Mam!” I screamed, throwing the front door open, and barreling into my house on Thursday afternoon. How I had managed to drive home from school without crashing, I could only put down to my desperation to get to safety. To get to my mother. “Mam!”
“Aoife?” With a tea towel in her hands, and a startled look on her face, my mother appeared in the kitchen doorway. “What’s wrong?”
“Mam!” I cried, moving straight for her. “He lied.”
“Who lied?” she demanded, sweeping me up in her arms, as I collapsed against her. “What happened, Aoife? Who lied, pet?”
“Kev.” Crying hard and ugly, I wrapped my arms around my mother’s neck and clung to her for all I was worth. “He told Paul, Mam. He told everyone at school.”
“He did what?”
“Joey knows – he found out in class,” I cried, tightening my hold on her, as my entire body racked and heaved with sobs. “I didn’t even get a chance to tell him myself.”
“Oh Jesus. How did he take it?”
“How do you think?” I cried. “Horribly. He’s furious with me for keeping it from him.”
“Oh, Aoife.”
“He didn’t deserve that, Mam,” I sobbed. “To be told like that in front of everyone.” I shivered violently at the memory. “It was so wrong.”
“I can only imagine.”
A few moments later, the front door swung inwards, and my brother appeared, looking red-faced and flustered.
“Aoif.” Holding his hands up, Kev approached with caution. “Before you say anything else, just know that I didn’t know that Paul was going to—”
“You bastard!” Not giving him a chance to finish speaking, I swung around and lunged for my brother, scratching and clawing at his face, as I stooped to a level of despair I had never felt before in my life. “How could you do this to me?”
“You did this to yourself,” Kev roared back, snatching my wrists up and pinning my arms to my sides. “Keep your goddamn hands to yourself, Aoife.”
“I hate you,” I screamed, ripping my hands free only to shove him in the chest. “Do you hear me? I fucking hate you, Kevin.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not too crazy about you, either.”
“Stop it, you two,” Mam snapped, coming to stand between us. “That’s enough.”
“She’s the one throwing slaps.”
“Because he told our entire school that I’m pregnant.”
“I didn’t tell the entire school. I told a few close friends.”
“Since when is my ex your close friend?”
“Since always,” my brother roared back.
“Bullshit,” I strangled out. “Paul was only ever nice to you because he was with me.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
“Because it’s true.”
“You don’t have authority over who I’m friends with, Aoife,” Kev sneered. “And if you took your head out of your ass long enough to see what’s happening around you, then you’d know that I’ve been friends with Ricey since first year. We actually got a lot closer this past year.”
“I wonder why?” I rolled my eyes. “You are such an idiot.”
“Not everything is about you, Aoife,” Kev snapped. “He actually gives me the time of day – unlike that asshole you’ve attached yourself to who can barely muster up the energy to acknowledge my existence.”
“Why should Joey acknowledge you?” I demanded. “It’s not like you’re even remotely friendly towards him to begin with. You never have been. Every time he comes over you act all superior around him, all the time, and it’s disgusting. Seriously, you talk about me having my head in my ass, when you’re the one with your nose cocked in the air, walking around thinking you’re better than everyone else.”
“I am better than him.”
“Because you’re school smart, and he’s not? Because you’re going to university, and he isn’t? Because you’ve been given the luxury of concentrating on your studies, while he’s had to work since he was twelve? You think that makes you better than him?”
“See, you’re trying to insult me, when all you’re really doing is listing off positive characteristic traits.”
Ugh.
“Kevin, Aoife,” Mam tried to interject. “Let’s just back up a second and breathe.”
“Newsflash, asshole, there’s a whole big world out there that won’t give a crap about how many points you get in the leaving cert, or how high you rank in your class,” I shouted, ignoring our mother’s request. “And if you keep this holier than thou attitude up, I guarantee you won’t last a week in the real world. So, you can go on thinking that you’re better than my boyfriend, but the truth is you couldn’t hold a candle to him,” I spat. “You’re a spoilt, pampered, little boy and Joey is a real man. You could try your whole life and never come close to being on his level!”
“If not being on his level means not having to slog it out under the bonnet of a car for the rest of my life, with permanently oil-stained hands, for a shitty wage at the end of the week, that won’t secure a decent mortgage, then you won’t hear me complaining.”