I’d wait my whole life to find out.
“He’s protective of me,” I lie. Though … it’s not really a lie, is it? Protective might be a strong word, but Payne has my back a lot.
“I think he has feelings for you.”
I almost laugh because Lee doesn’t need to worry about that. And not only because I don’t have feelings for Lee, but if Payne wanted anything with me, he already knows it’s on the table. “Payne’s my roommate. That’s it.”
“Well, I won’t pretend that’s not a relief.” He tries for a smile again, but I’m not feeling it. I’m not feeling any of this. I should be. I should be focused on him and not picking at the things I don’t like, but looking for the things I do like instead.
So, Lee has some outdated thoughts when it comes to publishing—that’s not a big thing. All it would take is a quick Google search to show him where he’s mistaken. And the food thing? Next time I’ll tell him I don’t like hot things.
I remind myself I need to make an effort, but I can’t stop thinking of Payne. Is he actually waiting up? What’s he doing right now? If I was at home, would I be cuddled up next to him, his heavy arm resting in my lap as I draw over his skin? Before I can stop myself, I find myself asking Lee the same question I asked Payne the other day.
“So, hypothetical. If a twenty-five-hundred-pound dragon jumped from the top of my apartment building, would it have enough time to unfurl its wings and take flight, or would it crash to the ground, creating a massive crater?”
Lee opens his mouth, then snaps it closed again. “Umm, Beau? Weren’t we talking about Payne?”
“Oh, I thought we were done with that.”
He gives me a pitying look. “I’d like to continue with it, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure, but dragon question first.”
“Why? Is it important?” And then he gives me the look. The look that clearly says he worries about my sanity. The look I get at least once over the course of a date and is usually the sign I take that it’s time for us to take off, hook up, and call it a night. But I don’t want to hook up with Lee.
“I, umm, need to piss.” I drop my fork onto my almost full plate and head for the bathrooms. I need any excuse to get out of here, so when I reach the hall for the bathrooms, I pass them and turn another corner, where I pause to pull out my phone.
My first instinct is to call Marty, but Lee is his friend, and he’ll only encourage me to give him more of a chance. So instead, I hit Call on Payne’s number.
“’Lo?”
“Payne?”
“Ohh … it’s Bo-Bo …”
Jesus fuck. “Are you drunk?”
“Bit tipsy, yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll buy you another bottle of scotch.”
That’s not the part I’m worried about. “Do you have someone over? Or are you drinking alone?”
“Alone. But why are you alone? Where’s Liam?”
My lips twitch. “Lee?”
“Is that his name?”
“You really expect me to believe you forgot it?”
“I didn’t forget. I just don’t care enough to remember.”
“Of course.” I tilt my smile toward the floor.
“Wait. Why are you calling? Where is he? Did he do something?”
“Do something? Like what?”
“I dunno. Upset you or something? Because you don’t need to change for him. You shouldn’t be changing or improving for anyone, especially a douche like him.” Payne hiccups a laugh. “Did you see the gold clip on his blazer? Who does he think he is, a fucking sea caption?”
Caption? Payne is way more than tipsy. It’s sort of adorable. “Can I tell you why I called now?”
“If the sea captain hurt you—”
“He didn’t,” I assure him before he can go off on another rant. “But the date blows. Can you call in like five minutes with an emergency?”
Payne snorts. “Why can’t you tell him you’re not interested and leave?”
“You must underestimate the number of awkward situations I’ve sat through.”
“You need to learn to be more assertive.”
“Sure. Of course. But tonight, can you?”
“Call?”
“Yes.”
“With an emergency?”
“Exactly.”
“There’s no way he’ll believe that.” Payne burps loudly, and it’s in this exact moment I have to question my taste in men.
“Yeah, but it’s not like he can call me on it, can he?” And with any luck, he’ll think it’s Payne being overbearing again.
“Yeah, not doing it. I promised I wouldn’t interfere again.”
“Come on, Payne, please?” I inject a little flirtiness into my tone, feeling bolder since he’s been drinking. “I’ll thank you later.”
His hum is gravelly and reminds me of what he sounds like when he comes. “How exactly?”
“Make the call and find out.”
There’s silence for a moment, and I’m so worried Payne has passed out.
“Maybe.”
“Uh, what?” I laugh, because this isn’t a “maybe” type scenario.
“I will maybe call you.”
“Can’t you just give me a yes or no? Preferably a yes?”
“If I call, you get your excuse and can blame someone else instead of telling poor Lucas—”
“Lee.”
“—the truth, and then, what? Continue to string him on for the rest of your lives? Or I give you the opportunity to be assertive and tell him you’re leaving.”
“You give me way too much credit.”
“Nope. I give you the exact right amount of credit, which is a shit load more than you give yourself.”
“I can’t do it.” I inhale deeply and confess, “I didn’t even want to come on this date at all, but I couldn’t say no when he asked.”
“Wow. Can’t wait to be there for your wedding day.”
“Payne … I can’t. I really can’t.”
“Fine. Then I guess you just have to hope I’m a nice guy.”
I smile. “I know you are.”
“Someone’s about to be sorely disappointed, then.” He hangs up before I can respond, and I’m left staring at my phone. Does that mean … is he not going to call?
Fuck, I’ve been gone too long to call him back, so I fire off a text on my way back to the table.
Me: Please don’t let me down.
DMC GROUP CHAT
Payne: He’s not home yet.
Art: Beau?
Payne: Yes. Beau. Beau’s not home. Why isn’t he home?
Orson: Ohhhh boy.
Payne: What? What’s oh boy?
Griffin: To be fair, we warned you.
Orson: I don’t think he needs “I told you so” right now.
Payne: WHY ISNT HE BACK?!
Art: Do we really need to explain to you what’s happening when a date goes late?
Payne: Duck off Beau’s not like that.
Payne: Suck.
Payne: FUXK.
Payne: I give up.
Orson: Have you been drinking?
Payne: Just a little.
Orson: A little what?