“Quiet. You don’t want anyone to hear you.”
His words set me on fire. The chance of anyone seeing us was slim to none, but it didn’t stop the thrill of what we were doing. He slid his rough hand down my stomach. His fingers stopped just below my waistband, where he drew small circles with his thumb.
“Please.” I tried to swallow it down, but it came out in a plea.
He popped the button on my jeans, and I moaned when he cupped me over my panties. The sound encouraged him, and he moved the fabric to the side, gliding his fingers through my folds. He growled in my ear, “You’re so fucking wet. Is all this for me?”
I moved my hips, chasing his fingers. “Yes. Only you.”
His teeth grazed my shoulder, and he sank two fingers into me without warning.
“Fuck.” I screamed the word with the intensity of his touch.
He nipped my ear. “You like the idea of being caught, don’t you?”
Lust pulsed to my core, soaking his hand. “Yes.”
His laugh rumbled against my back. “I want to get caught. I want them to see you fucking yourself on my fingers so everyone knows you’re mine.”
That should be the last thing I wanted, but right now, I didn’t care. “Please.”
“You’re going to come when I tell you to,” he demanded. His hand tightened on my neck, and I struggled to take a breath.
Shit. My arousal pooled between my legs, and I soaked his hand.
“That’s my girl.” He bit my shoulder and swirled his fingers around my clit before thrusting into me, repeating the motion in a steady rhythm, building tension until I was hovering on the edge of an orgasm.
“That’s it. Take what you need. Fuck my fingers.”
I moved with his encouragement and dropped my head back onto his shoulder, my fingers clenching into his thighs. Emotions filled me, stretching my skin until I could explode from within. I wanted all of this, but I wanted more. I wanted everything he could give me.
“Now, Sidney. Come for me.” His low command had me coming apart as the tension broke over me in waves, as my orgasm threatened to pull me under. My knees went weak, and he held me up with an arm banded around my middle.
“Fuck, Sid, the things you do to me.”
Hearing him say my name was like having an ice-cold bucket of water dumped on my head, snapping my dreamlike state. The reality of my feelings separated me from him. I didn’t just want him to make me come. I wanted things I couldn’t have.
I couldn’t separate my feelings from what was happening, and he was leaving. Not to mention he was in some kind of weird PR relationship with a tennis star. I turned in his arms to face him. His eyes were dark with lust, and I had to force myself to shift away. I didn’t get far—instead of letting me go, his arms tightened around my back, and he took deep jagged breaths, dropping his forehead to mine, trying to regain control. His hands cupped my jaw, fingers trembling against me. “Stay.”
“I can’t, Jax…” My voice broke around his name. “I can’t.”
Jaw clenching, he nodded, loosening his grip, and I slipped out, leaving him there, even though my entire being wanted to go back. I glanced at him through the crowded dance floor. He looked at the ceiling, his muscles clenched like he was holding himself back from following me.
What the hell had we done?
TWENTY-TWO
SIDNEY
I knocked on Jax’s door and pulled my jacket closer against the chilly night air. The look on his face when I’d walked away from him was all I could think about. I should’ve stayed; I should’ve done so many things. Instead, I ran. Truth was, I was terrified. Terrified of what was happening between us. Terrified that my dad was right, and this really was hopeless. Terrified that if we started this, like really started, I wouldn’t survive Jaxton Ryder.
My dad’s words rang in my head over and over again.
“Every rookie is a jackass, and hockey will always come first.”
“I’ve got it under control.”
“You better, Sidney. I promise you this. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
It was a lie. I’d never been more out of control than I was right now.
The door swung open, revealing a pissed-off Jax. My eyes caught on his low-slung joggers and socked feet. He stilled and crossed his arms over his chest. His normally open face closed, and pain lanced through my chest at his cold tone. “Why are you here, Sidney?”
“I… I just… I just wanted to apologize for tonight. I shouldn’t have left.”
He rocked back and gave me the same look he gave all the other girls. “Of course you should have. You got what you needed from me.” Hurt flashed behind his eyes before closing off again.
No. No. No. I went to put my hand on his chest, but he flinched under my touch. My eyes burned, and my voice came out broken. “I’m sorry. I freaked out. I wasn’t supposed to like you so much. It wasn’t supposed to get this far.”
He stared at me for several moments before the wall dropped from behind his eyes. He blew out a deep breath, and his hands cupped my face, sending relief crashing over me. “You’re overthinking this, Sid. Let go for a bit.”
Let go for a bit? How was I supposed to do that? How could I possibly let him go once I let him in?
Jax’s knuckles tipped my face to look at him, and I traced the line of his jaw. His head leaned into my hand, turning to kiss my open palm while his hands skated down my arms. He tightened them around my wrists and brought them both behind me, slowly backing me up into the door, pinning them there.
Dipping his head, Jax gently nipped at my bottom lip.
“What’s holding you back, Sidney?”
Self-preservation came to mind.
I forced a laugh. “What do you think Selena would think about this conversation?”
“I haven’t seen her since the day you brought it up. She was never important.” He gestured between us. “This is important.”
His words sent warmth down my spine, but what could I say to that?
He lowered his gaze to mine, chest expanding against my chest as he breathed me in. “Are you afraid that I’ll just take off on you? I’m not. I want to see where this goes.”
My heart skipped at his words. “You are leaving.”
Jax’s fingers grazed my skin as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We don’t have to be over just because I’m going to Boston.”
He would be literally a country away. My eyes burned, and I fought back tears, wishing I didn’t know exactly how that story ends. I swallowed hard and pushed my words out. “I don’t want to make this into something that it can’t be. I want to be friends.”
Jax lowered his mouth to my neck. “We both know that’s not true.”
His dark voice sent a shiver down my spine. This time, he noticed the shiver that ran through me and gently grazed his fingertips up my bare arms. “I know you, Sid. I know you don’t want to walk away. Say it.”
He leaned back, searching my eyes, and waited for my answer.
The dangerous part was he was right. This fire was threatening to consume me. I stepped into him and nodded, not quite ready to speak. He grabbed my coat and held out his free hand, guiding me to his room. He held the door open at the top, forcing me to duck under his arm, and it reminded me of when we first met, racing through the halls, opening every door we could. He smiled, tapped under my chin with his knuckle, and stepped inside.