“Damn, babe, you should greet me like this every time.” He reached out and played with the hem of my sleep shorts. I could feel my face redden, realizing I was wearing my skimpiest shorts and a thin T-shirt. Jax nuzzled my neck and ran his nose up the side of my face with his warm breath, leaving a fiery trail behind it. He stepped back and smiled at my disgruntled protest. He held up a bag I’d been too distracted to notice. “I brought dessert.”
My mouth wobbled, but I smiled. “You’re an absolute saint.”
His brows pinched with concern, and his free hand reached up to my jaw. “What happened?”
“Nothing that matters now. Whatcha bring me?” I rubbed my hands together in excitement and pushed away all the achy feelings of earlier. I would have plenty of time for those later.
Jax took out two chocolate explosion cheesecakes and placed them on the coffee table, along with cutlery and napkins. My mouth fell open. “How did you know?” They were my favorite as a kid, but I hadn’t had one in years.
“Lucky guess.” His smirk was hiding something. Mia. She must have been texting him. Sneaky bitch. He’d brought me cheesecake, so I couldn’t complain. We sat on the couch, flipping on the TV while we mindlessly ate our dessert. Mouth filling with chocolate goodness, I sighed happily. I was wallowing in my loneliness, harping that being with him meant always being alone, only to have him show up with my favorite dessert, no less. I watched as he stuffed cake in his mouth, eyes on the TV, and an overwhelming warmth filled me. Hope.
A few minutes later, he got up, collected our garbage, and headed over to dump it in the trash. He grabbed a blanket on the way back, and a broad smile crossed his face when he looked at me.
“You got something here.” His chuckle rumbled through the room, but I stilled as his thumb swiped across my bottom lip, and he sucked it clean.
I grinned. “You can’t buy my heart with cheesecake. You need at least a full-course meal for that.”
We both smiled as he stroked his thumb over my cheek. “There’s the feistiness I know and love.”
He placed a quick kiss on the tip of my nose before sitting on the couch, tucking me into his side. I let all the air out of my lungs. Love.
Jax threw the blanket over both of us and tucked me closer. The woodsy smell of him felt like an old memory and a warm bed, like coming home. I settled into the normalcy of watching shows with my boyfriend. A regular couple doing ordinary things. No impending wall we were about to slam into, and I let my thoughts drift into daydreams about what it would be like to make this permanent. If I bent on my rules, would he always be like this? I didn’t know, but I was starting to think I was willing to find out.
THIRTY
SIDNEY
I folded and unfolded my napkin and trailed my fingers over my thin gold watch, checking it for the tenth time, then rolled my empty wineglass between my palms. I’d finished it in a few sips when I first got here to help with the jitters of seeing my dad. Not that it helped.
He was late. He was always late.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t coming. Right? How late was “didn’t show up” late? A sinking feeling started in my stomach and dropped through the floor.
How much longer could I sit here before I became truly pathetic? Pain tightened my chest, and my eyes burned. I would not cry. I should’ve expected this. I was just so desperate for crumbs that I grasped at the possibility of seeing him despite his words, “I’ll fit you in,” like I was a business appointment and not his daughter.
I didn’t realize how much I’d wanted to see him. To tell him all about my new internship and maybe even about Jax. I knew he’d have issues with it, but maybe after I explained how he was, he’d have some advice. Things were different. Instead, I sat here with a red face, and pitying glances turned my way. The part hitting me the hardest was I knew better. I let my heart soften to the idea of hanging with him, wanting to believe in a different reality.
I was sure my dad would have some reasonable excuse for not showing up. Something I wouldn’t be able to refute because it would be utterly rational. “Oh, sorry, kiddo. I couldn’t make it because my flight was delayed, and I didn’t have enough time between connections.” He always had a believable reason. That was, until you realized it was Every. Single. Time.
In reality, it all came down to the fact that I wasn’t important compared to his lifestyle. It was damn hard to compete with going on cruises, big celebrity parties, or playing giant arenas. You’d think he would have grown bored with that life enough to find some time to fit me in, but the opposite was true.
My dad spent barely enough time with me when I was a kid, but the longer he was a big-time coach, the more he believed his own excuses. And this right here was why I swore never to date a hockey player. It was a world complete unto itself, and it had a self-perpetuating feedback loop that made the world feel like it truly revolved around them. Asking someone to step out of that loop, to come back to earth and visit for a minute, felt like an imposition.
My hand pressed to my chest and tried to hold my heart together. Jax wasn’t like that, though. He was different, right?
I couldn’t picture him falling into his own feedback loop like my dad did. Jax was constantly thinking about how I felt and made sure I was happy. I was important to him. So why did a part of me feel like, no matter what, one day I’d end up right here again… but with Jax missing on the other side of the table?
Screw this. I refused to let my dad make me feel small. The heat of anger rose up my spine. I covered my bill, and I snatched up my phone, quickly ordering an Uber. It was time to smash some shit.
My heels crunched on the fine gravel as I stomped across the junkyard, making a beeline for the sofa. Everything was still where I wanted it, even though I hadn’t been here since the time with Jax. I dug in my clutch for a hair tie, snatching my hair up into a quick ponytail. I tossed my clutch on the sofa and dragged out my favorite bat and the safety glasses.
An hour later, my brow was slick with sweat, and my hands were shaking. I dropped the bat, knowing I’d probably made a callous on my thumb. I looked at my watch again. It was just under an hour until Lucas would get Piper. Flopping onto the sofa, I dug in my clutch for my phone and shot off a quick text.
Me: How’s it going? Everything in place?
Jax: What are you doing texting me? How’s your dad?
Me: I’m excited for them. It’s a big moment and I’m sad I’ll miss it.
Jax: Have your dad swing you around when he’s on his way back to the airport
Me: Well, that’s going to be a problem. My dad never made it.
Jax: WTF?
My phone immediately rang. I hesitated to pick it up when I saw Jax’s name scroll across the front. I took a calming breath, and I answered, “Hi.”
“Sid, is everything okay? Is your dad okay?” His voice was soft, questioning.
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine. He does this sometimes.” I swallowed down the lump in my throat.
“Does what? Leaves you hanging?”
“Pretty much. You know how it is. Important jobs come first.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Seriously, that’s fucked-up. When’s the last time you saw him?”