“I know you have your own thoughts and opinions on how I should react to this,” she said evenly. “But it’s a lot easier to know what to do when it’s another person’s life you’re judging.”
“It seems pretty black and white to me.”
“That’s because you’re young.” She smiled. “The whole world isn’t black and white, Aoife. There’s a whole lot of grey in the middle.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t get how you can stay with him when he’s proven that he can’t be trusted.” I shook my head and pointed to her. “Look at how ridey you are, Mam.”
“Ridey?”
“It means desirable,” I explained. “Beautiful, gorgeous, fuckable —“
“Okay,” Mam laughed softly. “Thank you for compliment, but that’s enough of the bad language.”
“Well, it’s true. You are stunning, Mam,” I pushed. “Kev thinks his weirdo buddies are coming downstairs to see me, when half of the time it’s to sneak a peek at you.”
“Aoife,” she chuckled.
Sighing, I asked, “Why do you put up with it, Mam?”
“I love him,” she replied. “I have invested more than twenty years of my life into the man and had my children with him. And believe it or not, he loves me, too.”
“Then maybe he needs to love you better,” I told her. “Because his words and his actions aren’t exactly aligning, Mam.”
“No marriage is perfect.”
“No,” I agreed. “But not all wives are cheated on, either.”
“What about Paul?” Mam asked, steering the conversation towards me, tone defensive. “You love him, don’t you? Imagine having spent most of your life raising a family together and then having to—”
“No.”
Mam blinked in surprise. “No?”
“No,” I confirmed, with a shake of my head. “I don’t love Paul, and I have no plans on that status changing.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have no intention of giving a boy that kind of power over me,” I replied simply. “From my viewpoint, men let you down – even the good ones like dad can’t be trusted. So, why would I ever expose myself to that kind of pain? It would be emotional suicide.”
Mam looked flabbergasted as she let out a small laugh. “Aoife, if you don’t have feelings for the poor boy, then why in God’s name have you been going out with him for the past year and a half?”
“Because I choose to,” I explained. “Not because I need to.”
“And what about Paul?” she demanded. “Have you spared a thought for his feelings?”
“I never said I didn’t care about him, Mam, of course I care.” Shrugging, I added, “I’m fond of him – obviously. I just don’t have those crazy deep feelings that cloud common sense.”
She arched a brow. “Fond?”
I shrugged. “What’s wrong with fond?”
“Fond isn’t a word a girl normally uses to describe her feelings towards her boyfriend.”
“Well, that’s all I have, Mam.”
“But —“
“And if you think that Paul Rice is in love with me, then you’re wrong,” I was quick to point out. “His feelings are as replaceable to him as I am. If we broke up in the morning, I could guarantee you that it wouldn’t take him more than a week, two tops, to move on to someone else.”
“Aoife,” Mam gasped.
“What? It’s true.” Laughing, I waved a hand idly in the air. “That’s how fleeting boys’ feelings are – and I don’t just mean Paul, either. That’s all boys. Sure, he might be pride-hurt, but he would forget about me pretty quickly.”
“But—“
“Come on, Mam, it’s like you’ve just said; you’ve been married to Dad for twenty years, and that hasn’t stopped him from forgetting about you every time he strays.”
“So, this way of thinking is because of our marriage?”
“Maybe?” I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I hope not.”
“But even if it is, I’m glad because it prepared me for the inevitable. Don’t catch feelings and you won’t get hurt.” I smiled. “Simple.”
“So, you’re saying that you never want to fall in love and get married?”
“It’s not like I’m one hundred million percent opposed to the idea of marriage and motherhood. If the right guy came along and proved me wrong, then sure, I could do it,” I admitted. “But I could never cope with the crap you’ve had to deal with. I could never do that, Mam. And certainly not with your grace. If I loved a man, and I mean truly, madly, deeply loved him, then I could never handle knowing that he was with another woman. It would destroy me. I would go insane. I could never forgive that level of betrayal. Hence why taking that chance seems too risky to me. So yeah, I’m probably going remain ring-free for the foreseeable forty plus years.”
“So, you wouldn’t care if say Paul went off with another girl?” Mam questioned. “You know, since you don’t love him and all?”
“Honestly, I’d probably be pissed off, but mostly relieved.”
Mam gaped. “Relieved?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Because he would have proven what I’ve known all along; that no man can be trusted.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Aoife, love,” Mam said, worrying her lip. “That’s an awfully cynical way of thinking.”
“Practical.” I winked. “It’s a practical way of thinking – and clearly the right way of thinking, considering the rumors I’ve heard.”
Mam gave me a disconcerting look. “What kind of rumors?”
I arched a brow and gave her a what do you think look.
“He cheated on you?” she demanded, immediately catching my drift. “Then what are you doing with him?”
“Ha!” I folded my arms across my chest. “Pot, meet kettle.”
She sighed heavily. “Aoife, love, you don’t have to put up with that sort of thing.”
“I know that I don’t,” I agreed. “And don’t worry, I’ve confronted Paul about the rumors.”
“And?”
I shrugged. “He says it’s all a pack of lies.”
“But you don’t believe him?”
“Would you?”
Mam gave me a sympathetic look.
“I don’t believe a single word that comes out of a single boy’s mouth,” I told her.
That’s not technically true.
You believe one boy.
“And how long have these rumors been circling?”
Longer than I cared to admit to my mother. “A while.”
“Do you know for sure that he hasn’t cheated on you?”
“Can anyone know that for sure?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“Exactly.”
“Then why would you stay with him, Aoife?”
“Why do you stay with Dad?”