“So,” the flirtatious bastard himself said when he rejoined me at our station. “What’s your party trick?”
Deciding it was safer to remain quiet than to explode in front of everyone, I refocused on the pot of chili con carne that I had been attempting to stir, and forced out a clipped, “Hm?”
“Your party trick,” Joey repeated, coming to stand beside me. “And don’t say puking on demand, because I will go out in sympathy with you.”
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I strived for calm and managed to strangle out a blasé, “I don’t have one.”
Reaching around me, he grabbed the salt and sprinkled a pinch into the pot. “I don’t believe that for a second.” His chest brushed against my back as he spoke and the smell of grass, and lynx, flooded my senses. He always smelled so good. It was so annoying. “A girl like you always has a trick up her sleeve.”
“A girl like me?” I deadpanned, trying to keep my freshly manicured nails away from the red staining goo, while also trying to keep my emotions in check.
“Stop.” Stilling my wrist with one hand, Joey took the teaspoon I was holding with the other and replaced it with a longer handled wooden spoon instead. “Use this.”
I narrowed my eyes and glared at the wooden spoon in my hand. “Why?”
“Because you might actually stir something with it.”
“Asshole,” I grumbled, shoving him with my hip.
He laughed under his breath. “What’s with the mood, Molloy?”
“I’m not in a mood.”
“Says the girl with a face like thunder.” He nudged my shoulder with his. “You were all shits and giggles a minute ago.”
“I am not in a mood.”
“Fine.” Holding his hands up, he shook his head and moved to the sink. “Suit yourself.”
“I will.”
“You do that.”
“That’s what I’m going to do.”
“Good.”
“Asshole.”
“Crank.”
“Prick.”
“Witch.”
“Shut up,” I spat, furious. “I mean it. Don’t say another word to me.”
“Fine,” he shot back and then sprinkled me with a handful of dirty dishwater. “Don’t say another word to me, either.”
“My hair!” I screamed, abandoning the chili to pat myself down. “Do you have any idea how long it takes me to wash and blow-dry this?”
“My hair,” he mimicked in a high-pitched tone. “Relax. It’s water. You’ll survive.”
Beyond livid, I could see the repercussions of my actions playing out in front of me before it even happened and decided that a few days in detention was well worth taking this asshole down a peg or two.
Deciding against scalding him with chili, I walked over to the sink and reached around Joey to retrieve the bottle of green washing up liquid.
Without a word, I retrieved my stool, set it down behind him, and quietly climbed on top of it.
Reveling in the drama I was about to inflict, I unscrewed the cap, ripped his cap off, held the bottle over his head, and dumped the contents of the bottle on top of him.
The minute the green slime plopped onto Joey’s head; his entire frame stiffened.
“You’re fucking dead,” he growled, slowly turning around as green slime dripped down his hair, face, and shoulders.
“Bring it on, bitch,” I growled, tapping the bottom of the bottle to make sure that every ounce of liquid drained out.
“Aoife!” Mrs. Adams screeched. “What in the name of—“
“Put me down!” I screamed, hands and legs flailing wildly, when Joey threw me over his shoulder, and turned back to the sink. “Don’t you dare – ahhhh!”
“Paul, go and fetch Mr. Nyhan immediately!”
“But she’s—“
“Now, Paul. Hurry.”
“You want to throw down?” Depositing me, ass first, into the sink full of dirty water, Joey reached up and smeared his hands with washing up liquid from his own hair before coating my poor hair snot green. “Then let’s go, Molloy.”
Cheers and laughter erupted around us, but I was too furious to take into account anything other than my thirst for revenge.
“Joey,” I seethed, teeth chattering, as I tried and failed to heave myself out of the sink. “You are so dead.”
“I’m right here,” he taunted, narrowly dodging my nails when I tried to scratch at his chest. “Come and get me, witch.”
“Stop it, the pair of you, right this instant!”
“I swear to all that’s holy, when I get out of this sink, I am going to inflict the world of pain on you, Joey Lynch.”
“Aoife Molloy!”
“Sounds like you need to cool down, Molloy,” he shot back, before reaching for the cold tap and turning it on full blast, soaking whatever parts of my body that had previously been spared from his assault. “Better?”
“Joseph Lynch!”
“Oh my god, help me, you bastard!” I screamed, with my ass thoroughly wedged in the sink, as water sprayed and ricocheted everywhere. “I’m stuck.”
“Good,” he roared back at me, as he scooped clumps of washing up liquid off his chest and face. “Stay there.”
“D-dammit J-Joey.” Gasping, and spluttering, I scrambled to turn off the tap that was spraying arctic water on top of me. “I’m c-cold.”
“And I’m warm?” Depositing the goo on the tiled classroom floor, he repeated the move several times, trying and failing to rid himself of green gunk. “You’re a pain in my hole, Molloy.”
“Jo-jo-joey!” I screamed, teeth chattering violently. “H-help!”
“Fine,” he snapped, exasperated, as he moved to come get me. “But I’m warning ya now—“ Slip sliding on the floor, he righted himself before he fell and regained his balance. “Jesus Christ, the floor’s a death trap.”
“Sh-shut up and s-save me, asshole.”
“Don’t you take that tone with me,” he warned, pointing a finger at me, as he hastily skated the rest of the way over to me. “I’m warning you, Molloy, if you pull anymore stunts, you’re going straight back in the sink for a time-out.”
Ignoring our classmates who were all reveling in my misfortune, I wrapped my arms around Joey’s neck, and tried to help him free me from the sink.
“Shit,” he muttered. “You really are stuck.”
“I t-told y-you,” I strangled out, clinging to him like a drowned cat. “G-get me o-out of he-here!”
“I’m trying,” he bit out. “It’s your ass.”
“If you s-say that m-my ass is f-fat, I’m g-going to s-scream.”
“Your ass is perfect.” Reaching up to grease his hands with washing up liquid from his hair, he tried and failed to un-wedge my hips. “It’s this goddamn sink that’s the problem.”
“Jo-joe…”
“Hang on a sec; I have an idea.”
“What the h-hell are you d-doing?” I choked out, when he pushed his hand between my clamped thighs and cupped me there. “Joey!”