Her words strike entirely too close to home.
Each day that passes, the guilt seems to eat me alive. I know the right thing to do is confess to Briggs that I’m The Puck Bunny, that I’m the blog that has put his life on display, even though I had no idea who he really was at the time. But it’s not black and white. It’s not as simple as telling him.
If I tell him, everything changes.
He’ll hate me. No matter the reason behind my motives.
Not only will he hate me, but he’ll never trust me again. I can’t lose him. The thought makes my stomach lurch.
“Maddison?” Holland says, pulling me from the thoughts in my head.
“I’m so sorry, I was lost in thought, what did you say?”
She laughs. “You sound like me. I swear, I can’t keep my focus on something for longer than fifteen seconds these days. I was asking if you were planning on moving in to Briggs’ house? I thought he said something to Reed about it, but I wasn’t sure if I overheard it correctly.”
“I’m not sure, honestly. We’re kind of just taking things day-by-day, you know?”
Holland nods, her blonde curls matching my own tonight, seem to bounce with her movements. “I’m not being intrusive, I swear. I guess just curious about the girl who Briggs is head over heels in love with.”
What?
Wait, did she just say Briggs is in love with me? That’s… that’s not at all true.
…is it?
“Don’t look so panicked, babe. You can’t tell me you didn’t know that he’s crazy about you?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shake my head. “I-I… I mean, we’ve never said that, and we’ve only been an actual couple for a few weeks.”
This time, it’s Juliet that laughs and looks at me incredulously. “If there’s anything I’ve learned about these men… they love, and they love hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a day, or a week, or three years, if that man loves you, he loves you. Time doesn’t define that. Liam still looks at me like he did back then, and if anything, he’s crazier now about me.” She smiles. “If I can offer you any advice, and feel free to tell me to shove it at any point, I just… I see a lot of myself in you and I can see how much you two both care about each other.”
“But love? It just seems so soon and I-”
She nods. “Listen, my nana’s best advice she ever gave me was to listen beyond words. Sometimes people say things in anger, or things that they don’t mean. Sometimes people aren’t good with words. Instead, they show their love. In their actions. In affirmations. In their touch. Communicate in whatever way works for you, but put it first. Even if you think it’s been too short of a time, what do you feel when you’re together? That’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
“Wow,” Holland murmurs, “I think I’m going to cry. That’s some seriously good advice. Relationships are hard, raising children is harder. But communicating and leaning on your man when things are hard is what it’s all about.”
Suddenly, the air around me feels suffocating. It’s not that I don’t appreciate their advice, it’s just I wasn’t expecting it to be so fitting for our situation.
For the secret that I’m hiding.
Now more than ever, I know that I have to be honest with Briggs if we’re going to be together and move forward. Soon.
“Okay, enough of the heavy stuff, I have an idea… you girls down?” Juliet smirks mischievously, and I immediately nod. Anything to get my mind off of the conversation we just had.
“Let’s go.”
“Oh my god, Maddison, you look… like a freaking goddess.”
“Like a literal angel.”
Both Juliet and Holland stare at me with slacked jaws and wide eyes.
At first, I thought Juliet’s idea was terrible and wondered why I’d agreed to come blindly in the first place. But now… I think it’s exactly what I needed.
“I swear, if Briggs doesn’t rip that off of you and maul you, I’m going to do it myself,” Holland assures me. She’s wearing a piece that’s completely different, and she literally looks like a supermodel, so that compliment coming from her, makes me feel amazing.
“Are you sure?”
Glancing back at the mirror, I scrutinize my reflection and the skimpy lacy lingerie that’s glued to my body like a second skin. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever worn before, but Juliet and Holland insisted I at least try it on, and I’m so glad they did.
The white lace makes my skin look darker, it’s almost as if it glows against the creamy white fabric. It makes my boobs perkier, with the sheer fabric then tapering around my waist into a matching pair of underwear with gold garters. The entire set does look quite goddess-like in golds and creamy white.
The gold garters lock into a pair of sheer tights that accentuate my thighs and calves, and for the first time since having Olive, I feel sexy.
Even with my wider hips, my not as firm stomach and stretch marks, I feel confident. Sexy. Beautiful in this new skin.
“Yes, I’m sure, oh my god. You look flawless,” Holland assures me. She fidgets with the strand on her garters, before standing straight to look at herself in the mirror.
“This is definitely the one. Red is the sexiest color ever, and somehow you make it look even better,” I tell her.
“Red is Reed’s favorite color,” she grins, “not that it will last past five seconds before it’s in a pile of scraps on the floor.”
The thought of Briggs ripping this from my body has my thighs clenching together. I can imagine wearing this for him, seeing his reaction.
Which is precisely the reason that I decide to buy it before I can talk myself out of it.
“Juliet, are you ready?” Holland asks.
"Yes, this thing is sooooo see-through though.”
I laugh. “Uh, well, we’re standing here in next to nothing so it’s your turn.”
Seconds later, the dressing room door opens, and Juliet walks out wearing a black lace negligee that has a built-in bra and falls to the tops of her thighs. It’s gorgeous and even more so on her.
“What do you think? Is it too much?” She fidgets with the crisscross strap nervously.
“It’s amazing, oh god Juliet, you have to get this!” Holland cries, stepping down off the platform to walk over to Juliet and help her untangle the crisscross strap on her back. Once she does, Juliet turns toward the mirror again and then nods. “Yes, this is the one.”
“I’m not going to lie. I thought this was probably going to be a terrible idea once you told me, but now I’m so glad that you did. I haven’t really felt much myself since having Olive. Not with all the changes in my body and the fact that I feel like I’ll never look the way I did before. Today made me feel like the old me. I feel sexy.”
“Me too. I’m so glad we did this. I mean most friends probably wouldn’t go try on skimpy lingerie on their first friend date, but I really feel like this sets the precedent.” Juliet giggles and Holland tosses her head back and laughs.
“I’m glad we did too. I really needed a few girlfriends that I could be myself around. It means a lot to me that you girls welcomed me with open arms.”