“You’re not a failure.” Brody’s voice was firm and she melted, just a little. Her husband had stood by her these last few years while Annie had dealt with one blow after another. He had the patience of a saint. If the roles were reversed, Annie wasn’t sure she would have been as understanding as he’d been with her.
She turned and met Brody’s eyes. “I know it’s been almost four years. I’m trying, okay?” She pursed her lips, fighting the tears that threatened.
Brody reach out and brushed a thumb under her eye, catching the lone tear that fell. But before he could say anything, Finn shouted at them, “We’re going to be late, Daddy.”
Annie gave her husband a tremulous smile. “You’d better go.”
They shared a look, and then both glanced at the main house, where Annie’s father lived with Annie’s younger sister, Sam, and Sam’s six-year-old daughter, Cameron. Annie’s father didn’t believe in therapy, and his Taiwanese family did not speak of mental health issues. Annie and Brody had an unspoken agreement not to let her father know that Finn was seeing someone after the incident back in New York.
“Finn still won’t talk about it.” Brody dropped his voice. “He’s almost emotionless when he talks to the therapist. Like . . . he’s not there. The only time he seems upset by what happened is at night. The nightmares.”
Even though she knew her father couldn’t hear them from inside the house, she lowered her voice too.
“But he likes the therapist?” Guilt twisted in Annie’s gut that she’d never taken Finn to an appointment. Years of growing up in her Asian family had made her resistant to therapy.
Annie had been born in Taiwan. Her First Auntie, her father’s oldest sister, was always going on about how smart her kids were, how they weren’t weak and didn’t bring shame on her, unlike—and here she always dropped her voice to a whisper, as if talking about something dirty—Fourth Auntie’s daughter, who’d been hospitalized after attempting suicide. Annie’s mom had been born on Oahu and was more progressive, but she wasn’t around anymore.
Brody nodded as Finn came running back to them.
Finn slipped his hand into Brody’s and tugged, gazing at his father with trust. “Let’s go. You said we could have shaved ice after.”
Watching them together, Annie couldn’t deny a stab of jealousy at their bond. She reached out and took Finn’s other hand, wanting to be a part of their circle. Finn held her hand tightly but wouldn’t meet her eyes. This was their relationship. Damaged, just like Annie’s heart had been ever since her dog, Lili, and her mother had died four years ago, just a few months apart. Why couldn’t she be easy and comfortable around Finn, the way Brody was? Finn was her son too, yet so often, she didn’t know how to make him happy.
Brody picked Finn up, breaking Annie’s connection to him, and tossed him in the air. “You’re getting too heavy for this.” He groaned as Finn giggled in delight, clutching his bear. Brody turned to Annie. “We’ll see you later? Maybe do something special?”
Annie nodded, puzzled about what he meant by “special,” and then on impulse, she stood on her tiptoes—Brody was six one to her five two—and planted a kiss on his lips.
When he responded, she leaned into him, thinking how much she’d missed this, until Finn screeched, “Ew, stop kissing Mommy. We have to go.”
Annie and Brody broke apart and laughed.
They were about to leave when she suddenly remembered the box by the door. She gestured to it. “Hey, did you put that there?”
“No,” Brody said. “I thought you did. You went into the carport last night and came back with a few boxes. You said you were going to finally unpack.”
Annie rubbed her forehead as she struggled to remember. Had she stumbled out to the storage area last night? What else had she done that she didn’t remember today?
Not wanting him to see her concern, she put a smile on her face and waved as he and Finn got into his car and drove away. Then she crouched down and opened the box. Her forehead furrowed as she pulled out a filthy purple and white gardening glove. Turning it over in her hand, she was just wondering why anyone would keep a dirty glove when she realized what she was holding. She found its mate in the box and pulled one onto her hand, not at all surprised when it fit her like a . . . well, glove.
Annie sat heavily on the ground. This had been her favorite pair of gardening gloves but had disappeared a while ago at their lake house in New York. She’d had a habit of taking them off when she worked in the flower garden at the front of the house and then having to hunt them down. Until one day, when she couldn’t find them anywhere. What were they doing here?
Taking the glove off, Annie looked in the box again. She pulled out a small blue Paw Patrol shirt of Finn’s that she’d also thought they’d lost. Her hands shaking, she reached in and found a stuffed pink pig with one ear chewed to pieces and stuffing coming from a hole in its side. Lili’s toy. She dropped it on the ground next to Finn’s shirt as a shiver went down her spine. She looked in the box again and found the lake bumper magnet that used to be on her car in New York. She’d thought it had fallen off, but here it was, in Kauai.
How had these things gotten here? She had absolutely no recollection of finding these missing items and bringing them to Kauai.
Dropping everything back in the box, she quickly stood, her breath catching. She was fine. There had to be a good explanation. But she didn’t have time to think about it. She was already late for the shelter. She walked down the driveway, pausing to look down their street, which was on the banks of the Wailua River, before getting into her car.
A flash of white at the end of the dead-end street caught her eyes. It was a car doing a three-point turn. As she watched the car turn right, a sense of déjà vu washed over her—she’d done this before, watched a white car drive away. But where? And when? She rubbed at the goose bumps that had sprung up on her arms and darted to her car, slamming the door with more force than was necessary. Putting her forehead down on the steering wheel, she closed her eyes. What was happening to her mind?
3
Annie opened the washing machine at the Kauai Humane Society and threw in some soiled towels and bedding. After adding soap and bleach, she started the machine and then took clean towels out of the dryers, folding and placing them on the shelves behind her. Laundry done for now, she headed back to the kennels.
Dogs of all sizes and colors came running up to their doors as she passed, some wagging their tails, some barking and jumping for attention. She greeted each one until she stopped in front of the one who’d stolen her heart. Frito, the saddest-looking dog she’d ever seen.
“Want to go in the play yard?”
The black terrier mix didn’t respond from his position on the ground, but Pickles, the pit bull mix around the corner, barked and started whining.
Annie laughed and called to Pickles, “I already took you out today. Next time, okay?”
She unlatched the door to Frito’s kennel and slipped inside, shutting it firmly behind her. “Hey, buddy,” she said in a soft voice. “You still depressed?” She crouched down next to him and slowly reached out a hand. When he didn’t flinch or move, she laid it on his back and started petting him. He was a year old and had come in as an owner surrender last week. Pollie, the volunteer coordinator, had told her he hadn’t perked up at all.