“It’s okay.” Serena took a breath and blew it out. “I don’t want to relive the past. I’m here in Kauai now, and I’m having a great time with you.” But the expression on her face was still sad.
“I’m having a great time too.” Annie’s heart went out to Serena. As much as Annie had been struggling, it sounded like Serena had even more of a burden to carry. There was nothing like hearing about someone else’s tragedy to bring your own life into perspective. Opening the door to Serena hadn’t been a mistake after all. She was bonding with a new friend in a way she hadn’t with anyone in a while. And Serena was making her feel better about herself. Maybe Annie wasn’t such a failure, as a person, wife, or mother.
“I’m glad my car chose your street to conk out in,” Serena said, breaking into Annie’s thoughts.
“I was just thinking the same thing. What were you doing on our street, anyways?” Annie had been meaning to ask Serena that. Theirs was a private dead-end street, and not many cars usually turned down it.
“I made a wrong turn and was turning around.” Serena shifted on the couch. “The rain confused me, and then the car just died.”
“Oh.” Annie nodded to accept Serena’s answer, and then the corners of her lips lifted. “Did you know, when I first opened the door to you, all I could imagine was that scene from Criminal Minds where the homeowner opens the door and then . . .” Annie shuddered. “Anyways, I’m glad it was you and not someone who wanted to hurt me.”
Serena threw her head back and laughed, causing Marley to turn his head in her direction. “Me? A danger to you? No way. I can’t even kill a bug. I always screamed for Danny.” Her face sobered and her laugh sputtered to a stop. “But I guess those days are long gone. I’ve had to deal with bugs myself for a while now.”
“That’s tough.” Annie made a face in sympathy.
“It’s fine,” Serena said. “What happened to your mom? You said she died in Kauai?”
“Yes. They were here on vacation. It was supposed to be all of us, Jeannie and her husband and two kids, Sam and Cam, and me and Brody and Finn. But I was having . . .” Annie trailed off, the events of that summer flashing through her mind. “It was a hard year. I told you about it. I didn’t end up going. I couldn’t muster the energy.” She took a deep breath. “I always wondered if I could have saved my mom somehow if I had gone.”
“Oh, Annie.” Sympathy oozed from Serena, and Annie looked up.
“I know there was nothing I could have done. But I can’t help but play the what-if game. You know?” Even all these years later, Annie still felt responsible for backing out of the trip at the last minute.
“Yes, I do.” Serena nodded.
Words started pouring out of Annie’s mouth. “My mom had always dreamed of hiking the eleven miles of the Na Pali Coast to camp at Kalalau Beach. You need a permit, and they’re hard to come by. But we all surprised her and planned this trip for her birthday. She was so excited.” Annie paused, remembering the look on her mom’s face when they told her. “She started training, dragging my dad and Sam on hikes in New York. She wanted me to train too, but . . .” Annie trailed off, pausing for a moment before continuing. “It was going to be the four of us doing the hike. Jeannie and the men were going to stay behind to watch the kids.”
“What happened?” Serena asked after a few minutes when Annie didn’t speak.
Annie turned to her. “Since I didn’t go, it was only the three of them. I don’t know if you know anything about this hike, but it’s pretty dangerous. You’re basically hiking along the cliffs, and some areas are really narrow—one misstep and you can fall to your death. Plus, you have to cross a lot of streams, and people have died from trying to cross them when they were flooded.”
“Was that how your mother died?” Anxiety flooded Serena’s face.
“No. They made it to the beach in one day. My mom was so excited. My father, not so much. He’s a homebody. He’s fit, but he doesn’t like camping. He’d rather sleep in a bed. But it was her dream, so he went. They camped out for the night and then started back early the next day. They’d gone most of the way, maybe had two miles or so left.” Annie’s heart twisted as she remembered the frantic phone call from Jeannie that day. Like Annie, Jeannie had blamed herself for not going on the hike, even though there was nothing either of them could have done. Jeannie hadn’t been back to Kauai since that trip. She’d been the closest to their mom and took her death the hardest.
“It rains a lot here, if you haven’t noticed yet.” Annie and Serena both turned to look out at the rain, which showed no signs of letting up.
“They thought maybe she slipped on a muddy patch, but later they realized it wasn’t that.” Annie blinked hard, willing the tears to stay away. “I wasn’t there. I only know what Sam and my father told me, and they didn’t really see it happen. One minute she was next to them, and the next, she was on the ground and unconscious.”
“Oh, Annie.” Serena scooted closer and put an arm around her. “I’m sorry.”
Annie’s anguished eyes sought out Serena’s sympathetic ones. “There’s no cell reception up there, no emergency service. Sam said she basically sprinted, trying to reach the end of the trail to get help. My father stayed with her, and he was able to signal to a helicopter, so they got help before Sam reached the end of the trail.” Annie shook her head. “It was a brain aneurysm that had ruptured. That trail is not equipped for emergencies. By the time they could get her out, she’d suffered a stroke too. A few hours after they got her out by helicopter and got her to the hospital, she was gone.”
Serena gasped. She grabbed Annie’s hand and squeezed, the warmth soothing Annie’s cold fingers. After a moment, Annie withdrew her hand to wipe the tears off her face. Marley looked at her without moving. Lili used to lick Annie’s tears away whenever she cried, but Marley only stared at her, his head still as he studied her with a serious expression. A fresh burst of longing for Lili and for her mother shot through Annie’s heart, and she placed a hand to her chest.
“I am so, so sorry for your loss, Annie.” Serena sniffed, wiping away her own tears.
“I don’t know why I just told you all that. I didn’t mean to make us both cry.” Annie gave a little laugh, suddenly embarrassed to have shared this with Serena. She must think it was too much info for a virtual stranger.
But Serena pulled Annie in, and suddenly, they were hugging and Annie let her guard down. She was just as comfortable with Serena as she was with Julia and Izzy, and right now, it felt good to have a friend hold her. They stayed like that for a moment, and then Annie pulled away. She needed a tissue, or she was going to snot all over Serena’s shirt.
She stood and pulled a tissue out of the box near where Finn slept. She blew her nose and then walked into the kitchen to wash her hands. Then she turned to face Serena, giving her a rueful look.
“We’re really just going for those deep conversations tonight, aren’t we?” Although it felt good to talk about it. Maybe that’s what Izzy had meant when he kept saying she should see a therapist. But for Annie, talking to someone like Serena was a much better alternative.