But when he was this close, when he looked so good in a pair of faded jeans and a simple white T-shirt, when I knew there was a softness he refused to show the world, how was I supposed to resist? Cal wasn’t wearing a hat or sunglasses today. He had no reason to hide because this was a safe place.
I was glad he’d found a safe place. I only wished it wasn’t mine too.
“Nellie.” Larke nudged my elbow, drawing my attention.
“Huh?” I tore my gaze from Cal.
“Okay, what is going on? You’ve been staring at him since you got here.”
“Ugh.” My shoulders slumped, and I turned my back to the yard so my gaze couldn’t wander. “Things are a little bit complicated at the moment.”
Larke inched closer. “You and Cal?”
I nodded, staring past her to Pierce. As far as I knew, he didn’t have a clue that I’d been sleeping with Cal for years. And this barbeque was not the time to divulge our secret relationship.
“I hate him.” There was no conviction in my words, so I gulped the rest of my drink. “I’m having one more.”
“Have two. If you need a ride home, I’ll be your designated driver. Then you can tell me everything.”
“Okay.” I smiled at her and disappeared into the house, going for the beverage fridge.
Pierce didn’t need coolers for his summer barbeque. No, he’d just stocked the industrial-sized fridge in their pantry with every kind of beverage imaginable. The pantry that was the size of my bedroom and not only had a spare fridge but also a wine cooler and freezer. Their kitchen was equally as impressive as was the rest of the massive home.
The money Pierce made was staggering. This was a level of wealth I struggled to comprehend, even after years of working for his company. I definitely hadn’t understood the enormity of it when I’d been in high school.
I’d always known the other kids were rich. Cal and Pierce and Phoebe McAdams. But it hadn’t been until I’d started with Grays Peak that I’d realized just what millions—billions—could buy.
Sure, I’d helped Dad mow the lawns of extremely wealthy people, the Starks included. But I’d never set foot in Cal’s home. From the exterior, it had simply been massive. There’d been pools and saunas and tennis courts and guesthouses bigger than my actual home.
But when you stepped inside, it was like stepping into another world.
I gave Kerrigan the credit for giving this house its homey feel. She grounded Pierce. He could buy her every star in the heavens but all she really needed were the people who lived inside these walls. All she wanted was a normal life. It was why he stood outside flipping burgers. Elias’s artwork decorated the fridge. A few stray toys were scattered across the island. Beside the fridge was a baby bottle drying rack.
This was a home. A family.
Being happy yet envious of your friends was hard.
“Hey.” Kerrigan came inside with Constance in the crook of her arm. “Thanks for coming today.”
“Of course.” I smiled as she went to the actual fridge in the kitchen, pulling out a bowl of salad with one hand. “What can I do to help?”
“Would you hold her?” she asked, walking over with the baby.
“Yes, please.”
Constance stirred for a second as Kerrigan transferred her to my arms, but after pursing her tiny, pink lips, she went right back to sleep as I traced my finger over her smooth, precious cheek.
Aunt Nellie. I could live with that job. Pierce was an only child, and I could be his honorary sister.
“Want to go get pedicures tomorrow?” Kerrigan asked. “I feel like we haven’t had much time to visit since you moved here. I miss you, and Larke keeps bragging about the time you’re spending together, and I’ve been getting jealous.”
I laughed. “Yes, pedicures sound wonderful. I have zero plans tomorrow except mowing my lawn.”
Maybe Cal would run by again.
Maybe not.
“Okay, I think this is everything,” Kerrigan said as she surveyed the island covered with bowls and plates and platters. “Do you think we’ll have enough food?”
“You could feed all of Calamity,” I teased.
“I was so excited to have everyone here I went overboard.” She shrugged. “You’ll take leftovers, right?”
“Sure.” I snuggled Constance closer. “Why don’t you eat first? I’ll keep her.”
“I’m starving, so I won’t argue.”
As she waved everyone inside to start filling plates, I shuffled to the deck, my gaze glued to the yard.
Elias was racing across the grass, his legs pumping as he looked over his shoulder, giggling as Cal chased him. Their laughter filled the air.
“Gotcha!” Cal swept Elias off his feet and tossed him in the air.
“Unka Cal!” Elias squealed as Cal threw him again.
Unka Cal. Elias didn’t call me Aunt Nellie. But that boy loved Cal. Wholeheartedly.
Tears flooded my eyes, and I blinked furiously to keep them from falling.
I loved Cal too.
Somewhere along the way, I’d fallen for Cal Stark.
Except it wasn’t a love that came with smiles and laughter and promises of happily ever after. One-sided affection was the worst kind of heartache. A deep, black hole formed in my chest, and if I didn’t have this baby girl in my arms, I might have let the pain take me to my knees.
But I stayed on my feet, my eyes on the yard.
Cal set Elias down, then glanced toward the house. Our eyes locked.
Elias raced up to the deck’s stairs, barreling past me for the kitchen and chaos.
I stayed locked on the man in the lawn.
The man who hadn’t been with another woman in four years. What did that mean?
Finding him reading my diary had been a shock, but his confession? Cal was a puzzle and no matter how many times I shifted the pieces, turning and testing, I couldn’t make them fit together.
He was a superstar with sex at his disposal. Sure, we’d hooked up on occasion, but it hadn’t been a regular fling. How many women had thrown themselves at Cal’s feet since our first hookup in Charlotte? Had he really turned them away? For what? Me?
Unless his abstinence between our encounters had been for another reason. Superstition maybe? Football players were strange about their habits, and after Charlotte, the Titans had gone on a winning streak that had led them to the Super Bowl.
I’d gone to that game too, wearing the opposing team’s jersey once more. And once more, after the game, I’d knocked on his hotel room’s door.
Cal was a different lover after a win.
He was more playful. More demanding. More experimental.
A shiver raced down my spine, and I tore my eyes away, retreating to the house. I felt him enter the kitchen, his presence impossible to ignore.
His shoulder skimmed mine as he passed me for the pantry, disappearing for a moment before returning with a bottle of water.
“Cal, will you bring me one of those?” Harry asked, taking her plate heaped with food toward the deck where people were finding seats on chairs and the patio tables.
“Sure.” He ducked into the pantry once more, and again, brushed his shoulder against mine as he passed by.
I swallowed hard, forcing air into my lungs.
How could he touch me like everything was normal? Like I didn’t want him, only him? Like this wasn’t going to end in a bloody mess?