Kael and I didn’t talk again as we checked out separately. We both had to show our ID cards, his active duty and mine a dependent ID. He was a gentleman and helped me load my car and carry the bags into my house, and he even asked if he could help unpack them. I hated that my brain was trying to figure out why he was so nice to me. I mean, he was also sort of rude, but he did thoughtful things. I wish I had a friend to confide in, to talk about this feeling that was distracting me. My mother always warned me that love was the most dangerous thing humans could feel, aside from greed, which would be the cause of the end of the world, but that was another issue for a different day. It wasn’t that I was emotionally unstable, I could say I was attracted to this stranger who I’ve only known for two days, but I was a logical person. It was more the feeling of owing him something for his kindness. I couldn’t accept kind gestures or compliments from people if I didn’t feel worthy of them.
But as much as he made me feel flustered and a little bit paranoid, I was starting to kind of like the way I felt around him. We weren’t doing anything wrong. Nothing. We were grocery shopping, sharing a living space, and talking about nearly every thought I had.
“Everything okay?” he asked, after all the groceries were put away. It took half the time with him helping and I didn’t have to tell him to recycle the paper and plastics. You’d be surprised how many people I knew who didn’t recycle.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just in my own head.” I summoned his words and used them to avoid answering his question. He let out a breath and didn’t look directly at me. My eyes followed his movement from the fridge, to the cabinet to grab a glass, and back to the fridge. He poured himself some water, splashing a little onto the floor. I liked the way he silently used my kitchen as his own. He had become familiar with my little house in such a short time.
“So we’ll be gone until like five, but we always have our phones on at work. If my brother comes by, let him in? And try not to let him leave.”
Kael nodded. I watched as he cleaned up the splashed water that I’d assumed would dry on the floor with the rest of the random spillage that had accumulated since I’d mopped two weeks ago.
Elodie came walking down the hallway with her short hair soaked, staining the shoulders of her gray T-shirt. She was wearing her black scrubs that had an elastic waist, her favorite.
“You look so pretty, wow. Doesn’t she, Martin?” Elodie enthused, looking straight at Kael. He looked at me, then at her, and nodded.
“She does.”
Without giving me time to process Kael’s compliment, Elodie circled around me with approval, touching the soft curls in my hair.
“I mean it. So beautiful.” She squeezed my body and tapped her index finger against my necklace.
“So cute,” she exclaimed. Her blue eyes lit up. “Oh! And the shower is finally fixed! It was so nice to have such hot water!”
“What do you mean?” I made my way down the hallway toward the bathroom.
“The temperature! You had it fixed, right?” she asked. I passed her, shaking my head. Sure enough, when I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, it was immediately warm. I turned it to cold. Immediately cold. The pressure was even stronger, like a normal shower. Such luxury. I hoped it wasn’t temporary. I was instantly looking forward to taking a long, hot shower when I got home from work tonight.
“I’m glad it is, but have no idea how . . .” I started to say. My eyes landed on Kael’s and he licked his lips, turning his cheek slightly away from me.
“You!” It dawned on me. “Did you fix it?” Somehow, I knew he did, even though I couldn’t imagine why he would bother.
Kael nodded sheepishly. “It wasn’t a big thing. It was just a loose pipe, a broken bolt. It took less than five minutes.”
Elodie walked toward him, her hair dripping as she moved. “You are so nice. Oh, thank you, thank you,” she told him, hugging one of his arms. He looked down at her dangling on his arm like she was an alien. He didn’t nudge her off, but he definitely didn’t seem to welcome her overtly physical affection. Yet another piece of evidence to add to my list of all the ways he’s emotionally unavailable. I found myself wondering what it would be like to receive affection from him and what it would take for him to welcome it from me. He was so confusing to me. So polite, yet so cold. So easy to talk to, yet so quiet himself.
First the full tank of gas, now fixing my shower. Of course, it was nice of him, but it also made me feel helpless. I hated owing people anything.
I couldn’t bring myself to thank him in front of Elodie. I knew that seemed rude, but I would clear it up with him later, when we were alone.
If we were alone—my brain edited the thought as it surfaced.
“Okay.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I didn’t know what else to say, so I ended up awkwardly stepping away from the two of them, using my very real reason to leave, work.
“I really gotta go, I can’t be late. See you at eleven. Please, for my sake, don’t be late!”
“I won’t! I promise!” Elodie shouted, as I approached the front door. I slid my work shoes on and didn’t look back at Kael as I walked out. He did something nice for me. More than one thing. The gestures weren’t only thoughtful, but practical. I appreciated it, I did, but I also didn’t want him to make a habit of doing things like that, of fixing my things.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
My morning at work was the same as always: two elderly retirees and one married soldier who came in at the same time almost every week. He never made an appointment, but I always kept the spot open for him. He was nice and easy, tipped well, and didn’t groan and moan while I did my job.
I now had “free time” to help clean up around the spa and avoid walkins—as much as they could be avoided. I didn’t like the uncertainty. It was always uncomfortable, and those clients hardly ever came back. It didn’t matter what their body looked like; all types of bodies came through those doors. I found it refreshing and hopeful on those rare occasions when women didn’t put themselves down during a treatment. I wanted them all to let their insecurities go while in my room. It was both comforting and disheartening to know that other women thought of their bodies in the same harmful way that I did. We always suspect that others are thinking or talking about us, when most of the time everyone’s too worried about themselves to focus on anyone or anything else.
I was pulling out my second round of towels from the dryer when I thought of how uninteresting a part of my job this was—“side work” is what we called it when I was waiting tables. I’m constantly running out of towels, filling the fridges, loading the washer. I spend probably as much time on freaking towels as I do actually treating people.
Mali popped her head into the break room.
“That guy came here for you,” she told me while we folded towels.
“What guy?” I immediately thought of Kael.
“The one you used to like,” she said. The way she wrapped like around her tongue made me feel like a child.
Oh. Brien. Great.
“When?” I asked.
“About ten minutes before you got here.”