Austin and I made a pact from a young age that neither of us would ever even consider enlisting, but he still had a natural draw to Army life. Whether it was out of habit or comfort—the pull of the familiar and all that—I didn’t know. His curiosity scared me sometimes.
Kael stood near me by the kitchen sink, not touching or speaking, but close enough that I could smell the cologne on his shirt. The smell was sweet, and it made me wonder if he had other plans tonight. I grabbed a plastic cup from the stack and poured in a little bit of vodka and a lot of cranberry juice.
“Want one?” I asked Kael.
He shook his head no. He seemed tense. Whether he was more tense than usual, I couldn’t say. He looked at me as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. His eyes leveled on the cup in my hand.
“I’m only having one since I’m driving,” I explained, slightly defensive. Guilt didn’t really feel appropriate, since I could crash upstairs in my old bed if I needed to. I still hadn’t seen my brother, and we had been there for at least twenty minutes.
“I don’t drink much.” I didn’t need to explain myself further, but did anyway.
Kael’s attention was all over the kitchen. His eyes were a bit robotic, scanning every detail of the room. It was like he wanted to be present, but his mind was wandering back and forth between here and somewhere else. I tried to guess where, and even considered straight-up asking him, but the idea made my heart pound.
“I’ll take a beer,” Kael said, after I downed half my drink.
I handed him a can from the bin in front of me, next to the partition between the living room and kitchen. Shelves full of eight-by-tens of my dad and Estelle, and me and Austin when we were young, stared back at us. My mom had long since been erased from the record.
Kael studied the beer for a moment, rolling it in his hand before popping open the tab.
“Natural Light, huh?” He raised his brows. They were so thick they shaded his deep-set eyes and helped hide him from the world. Like he needed help with that.
“Yep. The best of the best.” I took a gulp of my vodka mixture. I felt it fast, my cheeks and tummy warming up.
Kael took a drink of the watery beer. I lifted my cup to touch his can. “Happy birthday! You’ll be drinking legally in about three hours,” I joked.
“And you in a month,” he said, taking a swig of the beer and making a face. I didn’t blame him. I much preferred vodka over heavy bubbles of beer. It was my go-to when I drank. Drink less, feel more.
Another plus with vodka: I knew exactly how much to drink before I would get too drunk. I’d pretty much mastered vodka. I’d been drinking it since Austin and I had gone to that seniors-only party back in Texas.
Austin and I were probably the only freshmen there. We scanned the place when we arrived, but it didn’t take long until Casey, a preppy seventeen-year-old, made a beeline for Austin. She was one of the popular seniors. Popular. I hated that word. Austin didn’t, though. He knew it was his way in. The moment he complimented Casey’s eyelashes—it was something lame, like, “You have the longest eyelashes”—well, that was it. Five minutes later, they were tongue to tongue, and I was left to wander the party by myself.
The only person who talked to me was a boy who had a mustard stain on his shirt. He had sharp canines, like a wolf, and he smelled like orange Lysol. I left him in the hallway by the bathroom and found the vodka bottle in the freezer. It was cool going down. That’s probably why I drank so much so fast. Too much. Too fast. I ran to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, holding in the vomit. Unfortunately, I ran into Lysol guy again, and he looked at me like I was the pathetic one. Maybe I was? I mean, I was the one pushing people out of the way to get to the toilet.
But that was then and this was now. This party was different. I was different. I had learned to hold my liquor. And I was no longer the girl who couldn’t walk away from a creepy guy without second-guessing herself. I felt safe with Kael. Interested and interesting. Like I was the senior at this party.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Kael was taking everything in. He wasn’t obvious about it, but he was watching. Analyzing. Paying attention.
We made eye contact and he surprised me by being the one to break the silence between us.
“Exactly how I thought I would spend my twenty-first birthday,” he said, taking another gulp of beer. And another.
Someone turned on an old Usher song and I smiled into my cup. People were definitely trying to set the mood if they were playing old-school Usher. I was liking this group, even though I tried not to. I was a sucker for nostalgia.
“Wow. Usher. Well, take all the sarcasm out of what I just said.” Kael smiled.
I hadn’t known this guy long, but, wow, I loved it when he was this way. Unguarded and funny. I laughed at him and he took me in—my mouth, my eyes, my mouth again. He wasn’t subtle about it.
Was he aware of the way he was looking at me?
He had to be.
My head felt fuzzy, and it had nothing to do with the vodka.
“Kare!” Austin’s voice boomed over everyone and everything, including the blender being used to make some sort of neon mixed drink that I hoped wouldn’t be splattered all over my dad’s bathroom floor later.
“There you are!” He wrapped both arms around me. He smelled like beer himself.
He hugged me tight and kissed my hair.
“Look at you,” he said, holding his plastic cup in the air. I knew he was drunk. He wasn’t wild. He wasn’t belligerent. But buzzed for sure.
“Did you get a drink?” Austin’s ice-blue eyes were bloodshot. I reminded myself that he had just gotten out of jail, that he probably needed the drink.
The fact that jail was a part of my vocabulary was something in itself, but I refused to be anything but chill the entire night. I was there to chaperone, and now that Kael was there, I wanted Austin to have fun.
“Yes.” I held up my cup and Austin nodded as if to say “Good.”
“Did you meet everyone?” His words were slightly slurred. His hair was messy, tousled, hitting the middle of his forehead.
“Not yet. I just got here.”
“You look happy. Are you happy?” my twin asked me.
His cheeks were flushed. I put both of my hands on his shoulders.
“You look drunk. Are you drunk?” I taunted him. In a loving way, of course. He was drunk. I was happy. But I wasn’t going to talk about that or the circumstances of his recent arrest in front of an arguing couple and Kael.
“I am. As you should be,” Austin told me with conviction. “It’s so good to be back.” He raised his hands in the air. His happiness was contagious, giving me a burst of energy I hadn’t felt in a while.
Austin raised his cup to mine and then moved to Kael’s. It took a second for him to register that Kael wasn’t someone he had invited.
“Hi.” Austin extended his hand to Kael. I cringed, wishing I had poured double the vodka into my drink.
“Hey, I’m Martin. Nice to meet you.” The two guys shook hands like they were making a billion-dollar deal.
“Martin.” Austin let that one sit for a second. He looked at me, silently asking me who the hell this guy was, and I widened my eyes, telling him to behave. He smiled.