“I have a steady hand. Technically trained, and you need to rest yours anyway. You use them for work every day and they’ve been bothering you.”
“My hands are fine. Have I said that they weren’t?” I wasn’t sure, honestly.
“You rub them all the time.” He nodded to my left hand that I just so happened to be slowly rotating in a small circle.
I froze and Kael smiled in a way that was both comforting and cocky. He was in a playful mood, it seemed. I wanted to savor his being here—the way he was making me feel—while I could; Phillip would come home, Elodie would have her baby, and Kael would be gone by this time next year. This companionship would not be mine for much longer.
My guard and boundaries tangoed with my rationality and reality as I looked at Kael. There they were again, those boundaries, after I was promising myself not to cross them less than ten minutes ago. I imagined them as big white doors inside my brain. I made sure to keep them away from my heart. We could choose Door A, where Kael paints my nails and I talk his ear off while we share dinner, or Door B, where I could keep my polish and my thoughts to myself and share a simple, friendly, drama-free meal.
“Just let me try it. If I suck as bad as you do, you can do it yourself.”
He was so convincing and made his little act of service feel so casual. I couldn’t come up with any logic that mattered more than how happy I felt in that moment.
“If you really don’t want me to—” Kael began.
“No. Go ahead. I mean, yes. You can try,” I blurted, wanting to say something before the offer was withdrawn.
He smiled at that. I couldn’t see Door B anymore; any trace of a boundary was gone.
“It’s not like I’m that bad,” I teased.
He grabbed the towel I had brought out, unfolded it neatly, and placed it under my hands.
“Okay, so I’m not a professional. Just keep that in mind,” he cautioned, focusing intently on my thumb, with one hand holding the polish.
“My ma sometimes . . .” He brushed the pad of his thumb across the top of my bare nail and a warmth ran through me. It was sweet and felt like melted honey. “Sometimes her hands would shake, so I often helped her as I got older.”
I looked at Kael as he moved expertly from finger to finger. The image of him as a teenager, helping his mother paint her nails, made my heart want to explode. Of all the things Kael had told me about his family, I treasured this the most. He didn’t say much as he worked, and I mellowed, trusting him completely without any further protest. I just watched him, my eyes opening and closing, as we listened to the rain pick up outside, pounding softly against my roof.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
“I wonder if my nails are dry yet?” I moved my hand in front of my face, slowly studying my fresh nails. “I’ll check—”
“You should wait!” he interrupted me.
I made the mistake of touching the paint too soon, and my fingerprint branded half of my thumbnail.
“Damn it. But still good as new.” I continued to wave my hands in the air and blow on them every few seconds. I had been dozing and was relaxed and still sort of drowsy; I could have fallen asleep if I wasn’t so hungry. The rain was steady and the heat had kicked on, blowing warm air out of the floor vents. I felt at ease.
“Remember how we were talking about Twilight?” I asked him, as my nails finished drying.
“What?” He laughed at that.
“I mean, not right now. Not even today, but you remember, we talked about it.”
Kael nodded, though clearly confused. “Yeah?”
“Anyway, there’s this character named Jasper who can control people’s emotions—well, not only humans’， vampires’， too. That’s his power. You know they all have powers, the Cullens, at least.” I looked down at my new manicure, then up at him, smiling with delight. I felt so happy. It was weird.
“Right. Go on.”
“Anyway, he does this thing where he can calm people, and I feel like you do that. Not in a vampire way. Obviously.”
“Obviously.”
I read the words on Kael’s sweatshirt. It said Georgia Southern on top of a picture—was it a bird? I couldn’t tell. The words and emblem were faded, the material of the lettering flaking off. It looked vintage, but not in a pretentious way.
“So, you’re a huge Twilight fan, huh?” he asked, humor in his tone.
“Everyone is.”
He licked his lips before he spoke. “I think that’s a stretch.”
“Is it?” I questioned with sarcasm.
We were flirting, I think? I wasn’t very good at it, though he obviously was since I was grinning like an idiot and he had barely spoken.
“I mean, I wouldn’t say everyone is a fan.” He shrugged. “I can appreciate it for what it is.”
I started to feel a little defensive. What did he mean by that? I couldn’t stand the condescension.
“So you guys can watch a bunch of men chasing a ball, but romance fandom is dismissible?” I asked the question, thinking about how many times I’d wanted to speak my peace on this subject.
He raised his hands. “No, no, no. Not dismissing romance at all. I just like my vampires a little more murderous? I don’t have anything against Twilight. Put your weapon down.” He smirked. “My sister loves it.”
“What’s she like?” I was dying to know more about his family, about him.
He shifted his body closer to me as we sat together on the floor. I could tell his eyes were reading mine to see if he could trust me. Please trust me, I wanted to beg him.
“She’s . . . she’s all the things I’m not.”
I felt like he let me in, even if the door was barely cracked. I kept my focus on his face. In the tiny twitch in his jaw, I could sense his protectiveness of her, and in his eyes, the adoration for her. I was ashamed that it made me a little jealous. Not in a romantic way, not even close, but in a way that I really, really, really wished I had someone who loved me that much.
“When did you see her last?” I wanted to ask more before he closed the door on me.
“Before I deployed.”
“Wow. It’s been nearly a year?”
His face fell. When Kael’s guard was down, he showed emotion so clearly.
“So, Jasper. That whole emotion-control thing,” he said, setting a boundary. A firm one. He was changing the subject to keep me out of his personal business. My stomach twisted, but only I knew it. I was playing the part of a chill girl who you can hang out with . . . order takeout and talk about Twilight. Kael’s line in the sand was drawn, so I followed him through my pretend Door B and moved the topic back to vampires.
“He was also a soldier,” I added, trying not to show much emotion. I was happy that he let me in, even for the few seconds it lasted. I waved my nails in the air to try to make them dry faster.
Kael’s hands touched the tiny stubble on his chin. I knew it would be gone soon, due to regulations and all.
“He was,” he said and nodded. “Wait, wasn’t he a Confederate soldier?”
My hand covered my mouth. “I’ve never thought about it like that,” I admitted. Yikes.
Kael rubbed his hands together inches from my face.