“Huh?” Austin looked down at his sweatshirt and nodded.
My entire body shifted. Kael somehow snuck himself into my house via my brother. There was hardly a place where I was safe from reminders of him.
“Where did you get his shirt?”
“I was at his place and wore it.”
Before I could respond, he began to speak. “Let’s not fight about him, K. I already got into it with Dad.” Austin dipped his head down between his knees.
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted more answers, but I could feel my brother’s energy was depleted, and he, unlike me, had never been able to suffer in silence.
“To be honest, I’m tired of being back in Benning. I just want to go somewhere else. Not to Uncle Rudy’s again, just . . . somewhere else. Don’t you ever feel like that?”
“Yeah,” I said and sighed. “But I bought a house here, so I couldn’t go anywhere if I wanted to.”
Austin rolled his eyes. “That’s not an excuse. You know in this market you could sell and make more than you put into it.”
“Since when are you savvy about the housing market?” I asked, playfully challenging his authority. “Where would you even go if you left?”
Austin was a nomad, where I was a settler.
“Arizona. Barcelona,” he daydreamed.
“You can’t even point to Barcelona on a map.”
“Yeah, I can.” His light eyes were facing the sky, half opened. “And Berlin. Rome. Anywhere. Hell, I’d go live in a van on the coast. I really can’t stand being this close to Dad.”
I agreed with him. But we were two totally different humans, even if we’d shared a womb. It was easy for him to abandon all logic, I just couldn’t.
“Do you even know where your passport is?” I asked.
“Yes. And yours. They’re both at Dad’s, in the drawer.” He gave me a sneaky look, like he had found the entrance to Narnia.
“If only.” I laughed.
He leaned against me to reach his phone when it started to vibrate in the pocket of his joggers. A number that wasn’t saved was on the screen. He seemed surprised and agitated, and he immediately ignored the call. When he looked up at me he shifted uncomfortably. Something was up; I could read Austin like a book.
“Who was that?” I asked, when he stopped my hand in midair as I tried to reach for his phone. “Was it Katie?” I rolled my eyes.
Austin’s face broke into a smile, and he shook his head. He almost looked relieved. “No. God, no.”
My mind wandered to being in my old bedroom at my dad’s, with Kael, the first night I met Katie and embarrassed myself insulting her, which seemed so trivial now. After the fight, Kael’s run-in with the MPs, and everything that’s happened, I was relieved to hear that Austin had moved on from that chaotic woman.
I was brought back to reality with Austin’s leg shaking the way it did whenever he was nervous. It was getting cooler outside, and I wanted to go in.
“Do you want to stay here for a little bit?” I looked at Austin and, for a second, I could see our mom in him, something around the eyes, about the shape of his mouth. We’d always be a mash-up of our parents, and that horrified me.
“No.” He sighed. “I don’t know. I need to figure my shit out. I can’t do that from your couch.”
“It’s cheaper than Barcelona, and besides, how the hell would you even pay for a trip like that?” I joked.
“Actually, I was thinking about staying with Martin.”
His words punched me. A sucker punch.
“Martin?” I was going to make him say his name.
“Kael.”
“Since when are you two friends like that? You’re wearing his clothes and now moving in with him?” I couldn’t even hide the hurt in my voice.
“I don’t know, a week or so.” He laughed. I couldn’t breathe. “He’s been at Mendoza’s a lot. Plus, Elodie is already sleeping on your couch, there’s no room for me here.”
“Elodie can sleep in my bed.”
“Martin has an extra bedroom and I sort of already took my stuff there.”
“Seriously?”
I couldn’t believe him.
“Look, I know something happened between you two and I know how it blew up with Dad. And that’s all I know. You know Dad is a fucking bald-faced liar, so don’t let him get in your head. Once he’s in, he won’t get out.” He looked me straight in the eyes. Daring me to be honest.
That was a dare I wouldn’t take.
“So unless there’s more to it, or Martin did something to you that I don’t know about, I don’t see the problem with me crashing with him. He’s the only one outside of Mendoza who just chills at home and doesn’t bring girls around every night. He doesn’t get in trouble. He’s being really good to me, Kare.”
I wanted to throw up. I was relieved and devastated. It was a wretched combination.
“I’m not saying not to be friends with him.” I let out a breath of frustration. “I just . . .” I couldn’t think of a valid reason to tell Austin not to stay with Kael unless I wanted to tell him how Kael made me feel.
“If you don’t want me to, say it. Just know that I can’t stay at Dad’s anymore, Kare. I can’t do it.”
I nodded. I understood needing to get away from our dad. Austin should stay at Kael’s house, Martin’s house.
“Dad’s calling me again.” Austin sighed, changing the subject, looking at his phone. “He’s so suffocating.”
“Are you going to answer?”
“No.”
A car drove by and a little boy in the backseat waved at us. Austin waved back, even smiling for the child.
“I got a job, too,” Austin told me a minute or so later. The sun was going down and the sky was changing colors around us.
“Really?” I pepped up for him. “That’s great news,” I meant it. He hadn’t had a job since he got fired from Kmart for calling out too much. I wasn’t sure what job could possibly hold my brother, but I was happy he had one.
“Where is it?”
He hesitated. “It’s with Martin. He’s flipping that duplex he lives in, you know? He’s really fucking smart, man. He’s paying me and Lawson to help him. I’m going to get more hours in than everyone else, since they all have to work during the week. It’s just like tearing up carpet, shit like that. And, Kare—I got myself honest work without having to join the Army, no breaking our treaty,” he said with a teasing smile.
“Not funny.” I playfully pinched his arm. I really didn’t know what to say, but I felt the ice inside my chest melt a little as I thought of Kael and how much he had helped my brother. I had to remind myself why I needed to keep Kael distant: he was moving to Atlanta, bought a house and hadn’t mentioned it, not even once. I wondered if Austin knew about that.
“Has he told you about Atlanta?”
“Yeah, and I was the one who told Dad about it. Which is what caused this whole thing with you and Dad, I guess. Even though Martin took the blame for me with that shit with Katie, Dad still has some grudge against him. It’s fucked up.”