“This can’t be true, Kael, didn’t you just give him a job? You . . .” I could barely get the words out. “You convinced him to enlist, didn’t you?” I spat at Kael as I yanked and pushed the door of the truck open and stepped outside.
I coughed, my lungs failing me as the world around us spun. “Oh my god.” It sank in. “You did this because of my dad . . . oh my god.” I held on to the door of the truck and Kael ran around to my side but kept himself at a safe distance.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with your dad. This was me helping your brother with his future! I did this because he needs to stop fucking up his life. His words, not mine.”
I wanted to scream at Kael. He was a marble statue—beautiful, but cold.
“You knew how I felt about Austin, and the Army, and the agreement we had that he would never enlist. You knew how much it would hurt me and you still did it. Oh my god, I’m such a fucking idiot.” I glared at him. “You’re so fucked up.” I put my head in my hands to not have to look him in the face.
It wasn’t worth trying to rationalize. People, some of them, hurt others as a way of masking their own pain, but some people just hurt other people simply to do it. I didn’t need to know anything else about Kael to know that he must be one of these people. All of the helping-Austin bullshit, all of the hours we spent and secrets we shared, it was all fake. I wrapped my arms around myself. I was going to be sick. Kael had the nerve to reach for me and I jerked away, moving from the street to the patch of grass next to the sidewalk in front of my house. I felt unstable in all forms of the word. My body and mind were no longer connecting.
Even though I couldn’t speak, I kept backing away, nearly tripping on the edge of the sidewalk.
“Karina! Please—” Kael pleaded. I held my hand up, silently begging him to stop.
“Get away from me!” Tears soaked my face and I brushed aside strands of hair stuck to my wet cheeks.
“Go!” I screamed, not caring that it was dark out or that I would be alone on the side of the road. I just wanted to be as far away from him as humanly possible.
And of course, because the universe hated me, the moment my shoes touched the ground and I yelled at him again to drive away, the sky started to cry with me, covering me with thick tears of rain from head to toe.
I collapsed in the grass after he pulled away and stayed there until the moon glared at me to go to my own bed and leave hers. There were no stars to dry my tears.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
An early version of this story was originally self-published as the novel The Brightest Stars （2018）。 Now, several years later, and after many months of writing and rewriting （more than thirty thousand words are new!） and a deeper exploration of character and story, I have reconceived a book that I am proud to relaunch. There was so much more that I wanted to share with readers.
During the pandemic, I had a lot of time for inward reflection and thinking about the issues that are most important to me. I know we all have gone through our own version of this in some way, and for me, it became really clear that a part of my voice, a part of myself, wasn’t fully expressed in my earlier drafting of this novel. I didn’t know where that piece of me had gone, but I couldn’t find it inside the pages as I turned and turned, and the novel ended. So I decided to revisit this story and these characters thoughtfully, and with great energy and affection. I truly believe you will find more of me, Anna, inside this “revisited” story. I’ve titled the new novel The Falling—and the books to follow in the Brightest Stars Trilogy will be The Burning and The Infinite Light of Dust.
I can’t wait to continue with you on Karina and Kael’s journey to discover themselves as they discover one another. Thank you for continuing to believe in me and coming on this journey as we learn together.
<3 Anna
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This is that awkward part of a book where I pretend I just won an Oscar and name the first people who come to mind, so bear with me as I try to give these wonderful people in my life a tiny bit of the recognition they deserve.
Anne Messitte: It was more than fate when our paths crossed but didn’t connect in the early days of my publishing, because now they have at the perfect time. I’ll never forget the day I met you at a Greek restaurant in NYC and was just absolutely blown away by your deep understanding of romance and the audience of readers who embrace these books. I felt an immediate connection with you. I not only wanted to work with you on my stories, I wanted to listen to you talk for hours about the community of readers and how to serve them best. It was refreshing and has been the best ride starting this big dream with you! Thank you for your endless hours and unlimited capacity to help me run my first company. I can’t thank you enough for making me dream even bigger and become a better writer with each book we do together. You understand me, and that’s priceless.
Flavia Viotti, agent/manager/business partner extraordinaire: You are such a badass and one of the hardest-working people I know. I’m so honored to be working with you and can’t wait until our dreams come true. You’re a force and I’m sooo here for it. I can’t imagine my life or career without you. Since the day we met, I knew I wanted you in my corner and have never looked back. I hope I can one day live up to the way you see my potential, even if it takes one hundred years.
Erin Gross: You complete me. Literally. Thank you for being my right and left hands, brain, arms, etc., etc. You’re the best and we are taking over the world together. You’re so innovative and literally work through your sleep. I heart you so hard. I’ve known you since the very beginning of my career and you’ve always rooted for me and seen what even I couldn’t see. Here’s to the next decade.
Kristin Dwyer: This is our tenth book together! Whattttt. You’re the bomb and I can’t wait for eleven, twelve, ninety-nine. You’ve helped guide me as an author and held my hand as I have navigated my career since day one （literally）。 You’re the OG and I heart you so much.
Douglas Vasquez: It’s so hard to believe that we met at a signing in Brazil all those years ago. You started as a fan and now are one of the closest people in my life. You understand me and root for me and it means the world to me. Here’s to taking over the world in a fresh, exciting way. I couldn’t do this without you.
S.M.: I didn’t get enough time with you and some days I hate you for that. Others, I remember the way you taught me about myself, and that you were the first person who ever told me to write my thoughts down. You told me I should be a writer long, long before I ever could have dreamed of it. You taught me so much about myself in such a short time and I wish I would have had more time with you, or would have known just how deeply you were hurting. Until I see you again, I will write you into my novels and dream about what your life could have and should have been like.
Vilma Gonzalez: We will be the Tae to each other’s Yoongi and carry each other around to beautiful places in our next lives.
Eric Brown: Your wise counsel and the many hours spent to ensure the solid foundation of my company are truly appreciated.
To the dedicated team at Wattpad who have helped me produce and present Frayed Pages x Wattpad Books, especially Tina McIntyre, Deanna McFadden, Patrick McCormick, Delaney Anderson, Lesley Worrell, Amy Brosey, Rebecca Mills, and Neil Erickson. And to Aron Levitz and Ashleigh Gardner for all the years of collaboration and for supporting the partnership that’s created this unique co-publishing imprint.