And that it’s still wounded.
It’s an angry pain though. One that makes me clench my fists and wish I could punch something. He was my rebellion, and for those three blissful monthly, we had a thrilling, passionate affair.
Until he broke my heart when I found out I was the mistress.
The asshole.
The sadness is mostly gone, as is the hurt. The revenge though? It still lives inside of me, like a tiny little flame, flickering and sputtering but never completely out. I seek it against one specific man, though I have no idea how to find him. I’ve searched social media, the staff pages at the university, and have come up mostly empty. Seamus McTiernan doesn’t have much of a social imprint.
“Charlotte!” My father’s booming voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Did you hear what I said?”
I sit up straighter, stuffing the irritation down. “Yes, I did.” I clear my throat. “Who exactly am I marrying?”
Father turns to face me, his expression impassive. As if he’s talking about something as mundane as the weather, when he’s really about to tell me the name of the man who will change my life forever.
“Perry Constantine.”
I frown, the name on repeat in my mind.
Perry Constantine.
I have no idea who he is.
“I don’t know him.”
He makes a dismissive noise. “You don’t know many people. I’m not surprised.”
When you’re wounded, you retreat. And that’s exactly what I did for far too long. So long, I got comfortable.
Too comfortable.
“I don’t want to get married. I’m too young.” Expressing my feelings normally wouldn’t matter to this man, but maybe…
Just maybe he has an ounce of compassion buried deep inside of him, and he’ll realize this is something I don’t want. He’ll actually listen to me, and grant my wishes.
A girl can dream.
“How old are you again?” he asks gruffly, his upper lip lifting in the faintest sneer as he once again looks around my room. At my belongings.
All of my many belongings.
I’m a collector. Some might say I’m a bit of a hoarder, but I love bits and baubles and books and photos and pretty, shiny things. Nothing too expensive, though I can afford to purchase whatever I want.
I prefer old things. Previously owned and lovingly used. An old bracelet that belonged to a heartbroken woman. A necklace with a heart locket, a crumbling pressed flower kept inside. A long-forgotten photo of a family with smiles on their faces and their arms around each other. As if they actually enjoy spending time together.
In other words, the complete opposite of my family.
“Twenty,” I tell him, faintly hurt that he doesn’t know.
That he doesn’t care to know.
“Plenty old to become a wife. You need to clean out this room anyway.” His gaze returns to mine, cold and unwavering. “Getting married and moving out is the perfect excuse to do so.”
I stare at him, at a loss for words. He’s giving me no choice, but when has he ever? Reminding myself I need to sound like a rational human, I release a deep, cleansing breath, hoping he’ll respond to logic. “I don’t even know this man.”
“Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.” His voice is firm.
“This is my life—”
“No,” he interrupts, shaking his head. “It’s our lives. You’re a Lancaster, and as my only daughter, you will do as I say. The last time you tried to do something for yourself, you bungled it up completely and came home humiliated.”
The reminder isn’t necessary.
“I don’t trust you to not mess it up again. You need to be told what to do. Guided through your life. This marriage will do you good. Keep you in line,” he explains.
He treats me like an idiot. He actually believes I’m one too. That I’m too stupid to make my own decisions without his guidance. I suppose I proved that to him with all of the horrible choices I made in Paris.
No way can I just readily agree to marrying someone I don’t even know, though. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
“But—”
“Don’t go against me, girl. You know how I feel about that.”
The ferociousness in his tone has me clamming up, dropping my gaze to the floor. I grip my hands together, trying to contain the sudden shaking.
“Where is Mother?’
“In the kitchen. Don’t think you can convince her that you shouldn’t do this. She’s in agreement with me.” He rests his hands on his hips, the cut of his gray wool pinstriped suit absolutely perfect. I couldn’t begin to tell you what he does for a living. The Lancaster money is generational. The original Augustus Lancaster made enough to support his family for almost two hundred years.
“I just—want to talk to her,” I say, feeling defensive. “If I’m going to get married. We’ll need to plan.”
His smile is faint, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Being agreeable for once. I appreciate that.”
The words are like a slap. A painful reminder that once upon a time, not too long ago, I wasn’t that agreeable. I fought against him, rebelled in the worst way possible, only to be left devastated and broken.
I came home and swore I’d be stronger. I had new rules to follow.
Never trust anyone.
Don’t give away your heart.
Men suck—avoid them at all costs.
I’ve lived by those self-made rules ever since.
“I don’t think you’re giving me much choice,” I say with an edge of defiance in my tone.
The smile fades, his gaze growing stormy. “You’re right. The engagement party is in a week. I’ll send your mother up and you can go shopping for proper attire.”
I glance down at myself. I’m wearing all black—my favorite color. If he thinks I’m going to wear something demure and pastel colored to an engagement party that I never asked for, that’s happening in a week, he’s got another thing coming. “Okay,” I say simply.
“Yes, sir,” he snaps.
I lift my gaze to his, glaring at him. “Yes, sir.”
I make it sound like fuck you. I hope he can tell.
Unfortunately, I don’t think he could. He turns on his heel and storms out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
Doja jumps on my lap the moment he’s gone, purring and rubbing against my hand, seeking affection. I give it to her absently, my mind racing as I grab my phone and go straight to a new browser.
And type in the name Perry Constantine.
Hitting the images tab, all sorts of photos fill my screen. All of a man who looks only a few years older than me, which is confusing.
Perry is such an old-fashioned name. I was half afraid he’d be some old geezer around my father’s age in search of a fresh young wife. Or like Seamus, who was in his late thirties, which at the time seemed so…forbidden.
Clearly I had some daddy issues I was dealing with.
Instead, Perry Constantine is young. Tall. Broad shoulders and golden haired with vivid blue eyes and straight teeth. I know this because he smiles easily. In every single photo—most of them with a different woman by his side, always beautiful, always dressed impeccably, if a little too sexily. He’s grinning as if he’s won the lottery and I’m sure in that particular moment, he felt that way.