I sigh and throw the pillow back onto the couch beside me. “For the record, I love most music. I grew up on classic rock though. It’s a preference of mine.”
His eyes scan over my face. “I can probably guess a lot more about you.”
Please don’t, I silently groan.
I know asking him not to will only make him want to torture me more.
“You’ve never been kissed.”
My eyes bulge.
He scoots closer. “You’ve never slept with anyone before.”
His knee brushes my leg.
“You haven’t lived yet, Em.”
Pressing my lips together, I lean back to put a little distance between us. “And that stuff is supposed to help me live?”
His lips quirk. “They’re a start.”
“Technically,” I point out, “I did sleep with you, so that scratches one of those items off the list.”
His eyes spark. “Is that an invitation to help you scratch off more?”
“Dream on, buddy.”
He taps my nose. “I’m sure you’ll be a welcoming feature in them tonight. Especially if you press your ass against my—”
The front door opens and I death glare Kaiden into silence. His smirk tells me he’s saving this conversation for later, something I don’t look forward to.
Grandma glances at us as she peels off her coat, not saying a word. I’m not sure she needs to, because her eyes dance with as much amusement as Kaiden’s does. Standing up, I flatten my shirt down and inspect my outfit. Too lazy to change, I head into my room and put on a pair of socks and shoes before grabbing a scarf and my jacket.
Kaiden and Grandma are talking, but stop when I show back up.
Grandma smiles.
Kaiden winks.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Le Sal’s is the town’s best-known restaurant. It doesn’t have any limitations, they serve everything from pizza and wings on game days in their bar area, to lobster in the main dining room. In the summer, the patio is full of people surrounding the glass tables, under cover from the sun’s rays using the beige umbrellas as they talk amongst themselves.
Even Dad loved coming here. He’d always order the steak and potatoes no matter how much Lo would tell him to try something new. She was never better. Her and I always got chicken tenders and fries, though sometimes instead of honey mustard she would ask for ranch.
It’s busy when we arrive, so Grandma says she’s glad she made reservations. As we wait to see the hostess, I glance around the room with Kaiden nearly pressed against my back. The noise is overwhelming in the front dining area, the main one, so I hope we get put in the back. Mama usually hates it there. She thinks the waitresses forget us, but it’s all I hope for to avoid getting another headache.
Kaiden dips down behind me. “Swanky place for such a small town.”
I giggle. “Did you just use the word swanky?”
He grins in return.
We step closer to the hostess station. “I used to love coming here. We’d make it a tradition to come at least once a week. Thursdays always worked best because it wasn’t as crowded.”
When the hostess asks us if we have a reservation, she searches our name and tells us Mama is waiting. I’m relieved when we’re guided to the back dining room, where Mama is tucked away in the corner.
As soon as she sees us, her lips twitch into a tiny smile. It doesn’t last very long, and I wonder what she’s thinking.
Do you really want to know?
The hostess gives us menus and makes sure we all have silverware at our seats before telling us our waitress will be right with us. Before I can put much thought into where to sit, Kaiden pulls out the chair next to me and gestures for me to take it. Grandma sits next to Mama, so I shrug off my scarf and jacket and drape them both over the back of the chair before sitting.
We’re quiet while we scan the menu for drinks and food, and in no time we all have our orders in by a bubbly brunette who keeps smiling at Kaiden like he’s the only one at the table. When she scribbles down my chicken tenders and fries, I’m not even sure if she hears what kind of dipping sauce I want because she’s batting her lashes at him.
The bitter feeling returns to my chest, and I want to grumble it away. I know what it is, I just don’t want to accept it.
Jealousy.
When she’s gone, the quiet continues. Kaiden looks at me and then Mama, not saying a word. Maybe he’s expecting her to start the conversation.
I play with the wrapper from my straw, folding it like an accordion before flattening it back out.
Grandma starts the conversation. “So, how was everybody’s day? Kids, you should tell Joanne about where all you went.”
I squirm in my seat and toy with my napkin. “I just took Kaiden to the mall and we got some froyo after.”
Mama nods, seemingly interested. “Did you buy anything?”
I shake my head.
There were a few books I considered getting at a tiny book boutique we went into. Kaiden even offered to buy them, but they were way too much money. I dragged him out before he could go back for them.
Kaiden sinks into his seat, and his comfort tells me he’s getting ready to settle into a conversation I don’t want him to begin. “Why didn’t you call her?”
I tense.
Mama lips part slightly.
He reaches out and sips his water. “Just seems strange that you’d let a man who left his family let his daughter move in with him without a fight.”
I kick him under the table, but he doesn’t even flinch.
He sets his glass down. “I acknowledge that it’s none of my business, but your daughter does live with me now. Since you don’t seem to care, somebody has to.”
“Kaiden,” I warn.
He won’t look anywhere but Mama.
She blinks rapidly, and when her head moves I see the slight shine to her teary eyes. I close mine, not wanting to see the color change.
“You’re right,” she says softly.
My eyes snap open.
She’s looking at him, not me. “I can’t sit here and pretend like I’ve been a good mother to Emery.”
Surprise colors my face.
Her eyes shift to mine. “Sunshine, I need to get better. I need…you to get better.” I hold my breath, praying she doesn’t say more on the topic. She gives me the smallest, saddest smile. “I signed up for a support group a while ago. One of my coworkers left a brochure on my desk and I couldn’t throw it out. I know I should have gone a long time ago, but…”
But what?
But you were scared?
But you were in denial?
But you thought you were fine?
“It’s been helping. They suggested I put Logan’s pictures in an album and change up your old bedroom for something new. I…I visit her grave a few times a week. They made me accept that I’ve treated everything since her death so poorly, and I can’t apologize enough to you for that. I don’t know how to fix it, which is why I thought you seeing your father would be best. You and him…he deserves to have you back in his life, Sunshine.
“Having you here means the world to me, and I haven’t shown it,” she continues, reaching out to me. “Maybe once I get more of the help I should have accepted years ago, we can try this again. I need—” She closes her eyes and squeezes my hand, and I accept the pain—both hers and my own. “I just need more time. You’ve given me years and so much love, so I hate to ask for more. But it’s what I need.”