He wasn’t like Nick. He didn’t wish the baby would go away. He wanted me. He wanted us.
By the time I got to his last entry, hours had passed and tears were streaming down my face. I found an envelope there and opened it with shaking hands.
Dearest Briana,
I know you’re scared. You have every right to be. But someday, decades from now, when our grandchildren are grown and our hair is gray, and we’ve spent a lifetime being harmless to each other, you’re going to find this letter yellowed and wrinkled, forgotten in a shoebox. You’ll read it and you’ll remember how frightened and unsure you were once. How afraid you were to give yourself to someone, how hard it was to trust again—and you’ll smile. Because I’ll still be there. And we will still be in love.
Yours truly,
Jacob
I completely lost it. I set down the letter and sobbed into my hands.
He let me look into his soul. And the only thing in there was us.
I knew right then and there that I was going to fall up.
I had to let go of any grasp on my old life, on my old insecurities or fears or scars, or I was going to miss out on the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Him.
Maybe I wasn’t ready. I might never truly be ready. But I was going to do it anyway.
I was going to be brave.
Chapter 48
Jacob
I came out of the anesthesia like I was coming out of a dream I couldn’t remember. Awake and then out again. Beeping machines in the fog. The feeling of a bed being rolled from one room to another. Muffled talking. Lights in a hallway. A voice I knew, one I didn’t. The one I knew I couldn’t place, but I felt calm hearing it, and I knew someone who loved me was in the room. Then I drifted out again. Then I was awake and a little more awake, and she was there, holding my hand. I looked at her until my eyes focused.
“Heeeeeeey. It’s you…”
She smiled. It was different now. Brighter.
She leaned down and pressed a long kiss to my face and I couldn’t really remember why this was a big deal, but I knew it was.
“You’re so pretty…” I said. Or that’s what I thought I said. It felt like it came out jumbled.
She grinned. “Always hitting on me. Don’t try to talk yet. You just got out.”
I closed my eyes. Asleep again.
It felt like time had passed when I woke up. I was in a different room. I was still out of it, but not as much. A nurse was taking my vitals. Briana was still holding my hand.
The nurse finished, and I tried to sit up.
“No no no. Lie down.” Briana put a gentle hand on my shoulder.
I winced. “Why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck?” My voice sounded raspy, and I remembered that I’d been intubated.
“We harvested your organ. You said I could have it, remember?”
“You just took the one, right?” I shifted a little and grimaced, sore.
“I’ll get the nurse to give you some morphine.”
“I’m going to be sixteen again?” I said tiredly. “Passed out on J?ger in a cornfield?”
She laughed and put her chin on top of my hand on the bed. “You know, they almost didn’t let me in here. They said I had to wait until you were awake and you could ask for me. They only let me in because you had me listed on your intake paperwork as your wife.”
I gave her a small, tired smile. “I’m trying to manifest the things I want by speaking them into the universe.”
“And you want a wife?”
“Only if it’s you.”
She peered gently at me. “I’m open to discussion.”
My heart rate picked up. We both knew it, because the heart rate monitor started beeping out of control.
She scooted closer to me. “I’m going to move in, if that’s okay,” she said. “Maybe we can start there? Take it slow?”
I smiled quietly at her. “Yeah. I’d like that. But why don’t we get a new place. That way you’ll feel like it’s yours too.”
Her eyes went soft. “Jacob, you don’t like change. Moving is stressful.”
“I don’t care. I’ll do it for you. We’ll put both our names on it—or just yours if that makes you feel better.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
I squeezed her hand. She squeezed it back.
“I’ll go get Lieutenant Dan from Joy and watch him until you get home,” she said.
“Thanks.”
“And I’ll take care of your plants.”
I let out a long “Nooooooo,” and she laughed.
My eyes felt heavy. I closed them for a second and then opened them again.
“How is Benny?” I asked.
“The surgery went well. No complications. His new kidney’s already producing urine.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Really? So fast?”
She shrugged. “It’s a perfect match.”
“Someone told me once that even a perfect match isn’t perfect.”
She held my eyes. “This one is.”
We gazed at each other for a long moment. Then she got up and put her forehead to mine and closed her eyes. I closed mine too. I was still a little loopy and the darkness behind my lids made everything feel like a dream.
“Did you read it?” I whispered.
She nodded. “Yes. I did.”
“I like Ava for a girl,” I said, opening my eyes to look at her.
“Ava Xfinity?”
“Ava Xfinity Ortiz.”
She laughed, then sat back down. I raised my hand to touch her face. She turned in to it and kissed my palm, and I knew my nightmare was over. She’d returned to me.
“I’m so sorry, Jacob,” she whispered. “I was really scared.”
“I know.” I rubbed a thumb on her cheek. “I know you were. But you know how social situations are hard for me? And you help me with that?” I said softly.
She sniffed and nodded.
“I know trust is hard for you. So that’s what I’m going to help you with.”
Then I just lay there, looking at her. Feeling the peace and calm that I only felt alone—with her.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m afraid I’m just drugged and none of this is really happening.”
“It’s really happening, Jacob.”
I closed my eyes. “How do I know?”
“Because love shows up. And here I am.”
Epilogue
Jacob
Two Years Later
Your catchphrase of the day is ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’”
I smiled at Briana. “Really? You think I’m going to need one? Today?”
I had Ava on my hip. She was in a little yellow tulle dress with a matching yellow bow around her head. She was trying to put my boutonniere in her mouth, so I switched sides.
Briana gave me a look. “I think you especially need one today. There are like twenty people out there.” She nodded to the backyard.
“My immediate family, your immediate family. Jessica, Gibson, Zander and his husband, Alexis and Daniel. I think I can handle that.”
She shrugged. “If you say so. But feel free to use it if you need to.” She reached back behind her wedding dress and fanned the train.
The wedding was up at our cabin. We’d finished the remodel last year and decided to do the ceremony and reception in the yard in front of the lake. We hired a wedding planner, and there was an elegant tent set up for the reception. Besides that, not much about this wedding was traditional.