Then they would spout nonsense. “I’m sorry for your loss, Emerie.” Or, “I’m so sorry you had to suffer through that.”
Their apologies were pointless. They didn’t change anything. They didn’t do anything to lessen her burdens, instead only worsening them.
Their pity made her feel weak, small, feeble.
She didn’t need the Duskwalker making her feel that way. Not when he had his own wounds to heal.
What if sharing her story only made his harder to swallow?
As Ingram finally walked on his own, yellow lifting into his orbs like a beacon of joy, she gave him a commiserating smile.
We are so alike. Our pasts are filled with loss and pain. The difference was: she’d had plenty of time to deal with it. She’d bandaged her wounds and just treated her infection when the symptoms of it flared.
Ingram was still bleeding.
On the battlefield, she wouldn’t check her infection when her comrades were bleeding out. She wouldn’t show them her older wound when they had a fresh one in their stomach.
Yet… it was obvious her lack of sharing was bothering him.
Maybe I could give him a watered-down version of it?
And, since he was managing to walk on his own, flaring a small amount of pride in her, she might as well spill it now.
“Okay. Since you wanted to know about me,” Emerie started, staring at the darkening horizon with the sun dropping behind them, “maybe I should start with when I was a child?”
When he tilted his head at her, she worried he wouldn’t comprehend a lot of it.
“I grew up in the southlands. There’s a town right near the border on the eastern side called Fishket. It’s not too far from the sea.”
“Is the southlands where that wall of tree trunks is?”
“Yep, exactly right. There’s a big wall of log spikes humans have built to keep most of the Demons out, but towns and villages still have their own for additional protection.” Emerie placed her hands behind her to clasp them, trying to appear as carefree as possible. “I lived there for most of my life. My parents were really good people who lived well in comparison to most. Because of this, they tried to share what they could with those who weren’t well off. They were highly respected within the town, so a lot of people flocked to them. I had a lot of friends when I was younger, since there were many children my own age.”
“Friends?” he asked.
“Like a companion, but many of them.”
He perked up. “Like my kindred?”
“No.” She smiled warmly with humour. “Not like your kindred. They were not related to me, but other humans that would spend time with me even though they didn’t have to.”
“I… see.” Then he cupped his beak, like he was deep in thought. He placed his hand on a tree trunk to steady himself. “Does that mean we are friends?”
“Sure. We’re friends,” she answered, and his orbs brightened in their yellow hue. “However, I had a special friend when I was really little. His name was Gideon. Our parents were really close, so I played with him a lot even though he was from the poorer side of town. When I was older and allowed to go out by myself, I was always with him.” She covered her mouth with a fist as she let out a small laugh. “He always got me into trouble because he was a rascal.”
“If he was special, does that mean he saw beneath your clothes?”
Emerie, taken aback by what he said, almost tripped and fell on her face.
“What? No!” She couldn’t believe he’d asked her that! However, she nervously rubbed her arm and averted her eyes to the forest. “Then again, I thought he would. Our parents were discussing an arranged marriage when we were young, but that never happened.” Just because she knew he’d ask about it, she quickly added, “Marriage is where two humans get together and form a family. A bond, if you will.”
For a few moments, he was silent. She peeked to find his orbs were dark yellow, rather than red with anger. It was a relief he wasn’t jealous.
“Why did you not form a family with this… Gideon male?”
Her features tightened. “A sickness tore through our town and his, uh, parents fell ill. My parents took him in while they tried to recover, but they eventually passed away. He was adopted into our family.”
“A… dopted?”
“It means to take someone else’s child and make them your own. It happens when either the parents die, can’t take care of them properly, or just don’t want them. He became my brother, although… that isn’t really the reason we never married. We still could have, since we weren’t related.”
“Then why not? If he was special to you, would you not want to form a bond with him?”
“I did.” Emerie awkwardly laughed. “I grew up thinking we would, especially since my parents pushed for it because he was such a sweet boy who had always been respectable towards me. But he, uh, he liked men, not women.”
Ingram’s head jerked to the side, causing the sound of dried bones to rattle from him. “He liked males? I do not understand why this would matter.”
Why do I keep having to have the birds and the bees chat with him?! Emerie almost rolled her eyes. Then again… this was more like the bees and the bees chat, she thought with humour.
“So, remember how I explained that men and women would get together to make a baby? Well, that’s not always the case. Sometimes women and women, or men and men will form a bond and be together. They prefer to be with their own sex.”
“Then it does not matter the gender of your partner?”
“No, only that they are the one who makes you happy.”
His orbs brightened in their yellow hue once more. “I see. So you could not make him happy because you are female?”
“That’s a weird way to put it, but yes.” Emerie scratched the side of her head in annoyance. “It was really hard for me to accept it, to be honest.”
“You were not approving of this… pairing?” Why did his voice hold a hint of disappointment?
“It was more that I’d had this big plan in my head for my future, all of it involving him, and I felt like that had been ripped away from me. I guess I was also really angry that he’d hidden something so important from me, and I found out by accident when I was seventeen and found him and his boyfriend at the time doing… things when I came home early from working the farmlands. It’d been really hurtful to accidentally find who I thought would be my future husband in bed with someone else, no matter their gender.”
“What was he doing that was so bad it hurt you?”
Emerie’s eyes widened, and she looked at the ground.
She couldn’t say it was hugging, since she’d hugged Ingram and didn’t want him to make his own weird thoughts about that. However, she didn’t want to explain sex to him in general, not just pertaining to men on men.
“Annnnyway,” she said slyly. “I eventually realised it had nothing to do with me, and I just wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.” She turned a bright smile at Ingram to show just how sincere she was about that. “The reason he’d never told me is because he knew how I felt and didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t trust me, and discovering it made me realise there had always been a barrier between us. Once I accepted we weren’t the right fit for each other, I truly began to see him as my older brother and our relationship grew really strong. He was my best friend, and he meant the world to me.”