My breath caught. She’d told me of some happy childhood memories with her mother—there’d never been a hint of anything to turn the corners of her mouth down like this.
“She was a delight at parties, witty and beautiful. And outside parties, she was always kind and sweet to me, careful to make sure the nursery maid and, later, my governess were there to look after me in the evenings. She never harmed anyone… except herself.” She frowned down at her wringing hands.
It was my turn to reach across and squeeze her fingers.
She looked up, eyes gleaming, making my heart ache. “She died in her sleep, far too young. I was fifteen.”
No fights. No carriage accident. No tumble down the stairs. Simply there one day and gone the next.
She’d missed her chance to see Ella grow into the wonderful woman sitting before me.
My eyes burned as I pushed stray hair from her cheeks so it wouldn’t get caught in the tears trickling down them. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not telling you this for my sake, Kat.” She caught my wrist and leant closer, piercing me with the intensity of her stare. “I don’t want to see that happen to you.”
A chill rushed through me.
I’d always known she wasn’t just worried about her “hard work” being undone. But this? That she was afraid for my very life? I’d never imagined that might be the price.
When I began drinking, I’d had a miserable, small existence. A couple of months ago, I’d told Bastian my life wasn’t worth saving, but now…
“There.” Ella’s voice cut through my racing thoughts. Her smile was like the dawn, a slow brightening. “You see it.”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the right words. There was too much in my head—Kaliban would’ve been deafened.
Instead, swallowing, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Ella. I didn’t… I never thought…”
She laughed softly at my mangled attempts at sentences. “I know. I can see the cogs turning. I’m afraid I may have overloaded the machinery.”
I rubbed my forehead as a fresh ache throbbed to life. “I feel like it’s broken, completely.”
“Well, I think I need to let this pretty little contraption process all this.” She rose and planted a kiss on my brow, then nodded towards the book with my notes tucked inside. “You know, you could use some of that paper to write your thoughts—it might help.”
“They won’t make sense.”
“Does that matter?” She spread her hands as she backed away. “It’s just for you.”
I was still giving her a bemused smile when she blew me a kiss from the doorway and disappeared.
The blank pages peeked out at me from the book. I did have plenty of paper—this wasn’t like at the estate where I had to scrimp and save to afford just a handful of sheets. And the pens in Elfhame were incredible—instead of constantly dipping in a well of ink, they were filled with the stuff and could write for hours.
I grabbed the one I’d bought from the shop next door to Ariadne’s—paid for with my wages from Bastian. Weighing it in my hand, I eyed the paper.
I could give it a try.
So I took a sheet and removed the lid from my pen.
Where was I supposed to start?
Ella had suggested my thoughts, but that didn’t seem quite right—there had been a trigger for them. So I began with what she had told me and then all that had come to me after that, and the next thing I knew, I was turning the sheet over and writing on the back. Soon, I reached for the next page and another and another.
And then I found myself writing about how I’d once been a pot-bound plant, confined to a small existence by other people’s rules. But now—now—I had space to grow.
Maybe I even kind of liked the person I was becoming.
Good gods. No wonder Ella was worried for me.
Yes, there were awful things, too, but did I really want to numb the rest just to escape those? There had to be a better way.
My eyes were full of tears—the good kind—when there was a knock at the door. I had no idea how long had passed, but a stack of pages sat on the low coffee table and my hand ached. Ella’s chest of beauty alchemy still sat to one side.
I chuckled as I went out to the antechamber. “You were so excited you forgot your—”
But when I opened the door, it wasn’t Ella.
Pasty-faced and glowering, in the doorway stood Robin.
74
Kat
I blinked at Robin. Not once had even a mention of him appeared in the stream of thoughts I’d inked on the page.
He stomped past me—I barely got out of his way in time.
Out in the corridor, Urien caught my eye. His gaze skittered to the floor. “I’m sorry. He was escorted from Dawn’s side, and as you’re his wife, I couldn’t stop him.”
Before I could reply, he strode off down the hallway.
His wife.
His possession.
But I was mine. I belonged to myself and whoever else I said. I was Ella’s friend. Bastian’s lover. My own self.
I gritted my teeth and closed the door. Robin had already made his way to the sitting room, and I found him clinking through Ella’s chest, nose wrinkled.
The sight of him in our space, encroaching on Ella’s belongings, bubbled in my blood. “Leave that—”
He shoved it across the floor and rounded on me. “What have you told them?”
I blinked as he advanced, his nostrils flaring. “Pardon?”
“None of the fae women here will so much as look at me.”
A half-muffled guffaw came from me. “I can’t imagine why.”
Lip curling, he took another step closer. “You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
“No, Robin, I just think you’re ridiculous.” I bit my tongue against calling him foolish and instead planted my hands on my hips. “The fact we’re married counts both ways. I know you’re not used to that, but just as much as I’m your wife, you’re my husband.”
He blinked like I was speaking gibberish.
“That fae law saying Bastian couldn’t bring me here without your permission also means that no one can take you away from me without my permission. No fae will sleep with you because of our marriage contract.”
He blasted a humourless laugh. “I’ve never heard such a load of nonsense. You belong to me—that’s the only law that matters.” With a shaking hand he pointed, coming closer until his finger was in my face. “No, you told them some lie about me. Scared them off somehow. What did you say?”
I swatted his hand away when it was an inch from my nose. “I haven’t spoken a word about you. Your name hasn’t passed my lips in months.”
He flinched like I’d slapped him.
After everything he’d done to me, after all I’d endured, he had the gall to look affronted?
It felt like my veins were going to sear their way out of my body, and if not for the iron ring, I’d have been battling to contain the purple haze of my poison.
I blamed that for my tongue running away with me, as I went on. “In fact, until you appeared, I’d forgotten you existed. And you know what? It was fucking glorious. Now get out.” I stepped to one side and gestured to the door.