North lowered his eyes. “Jesus Christ, Aria … why did you put up with that?”
I stiffened. “Because I thought I loved him.”
At my tone, North met my gaze again. “I didn’t mean that as an attack. I just wish … you deserve so much better.”
“I ignored the warning signs, so it’s as much my fault as his.” I shrugged. “What’s your favorite movie?”
He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but in the end, he just grinned and said, “The movie I tell the press is The Deer Hunter. The real answer is Toy Story.”
Just like that, the tension broke between us as I burst into laughter.
Hours later, as we lay naked in bed on our stomachs facing each other, I watched North’s drowsy expression as I caressed his back lightly with my fingertips. Despite the emotional upheaval of the day, I’d kept him distracted.
We talked more about my life growing up in Malibu and his life growing up in Scotland. We shared our food likes and dislikes, talked about books and TV shows and music. Conversation was easy and fluid.
I wasn’t going to overanalyze just how easy it was.
Or how good it felt when North took me to bed and spent hours loving my body.
I thought he was almost asleep, so it surprised me when he suddenly asked, “Do you think you made the right decision coming to Scotland after what Lucas and Caitlyn did?”
Part of me wondered what made him think of them, but I didn’t want to dwell on that either. I didn’t want to imagine that North thought of me beyond our casual sex arrangement. Because it didn’t feel casual.
Today it had felt the opposite of casual.
“At first, I wasn’t sure,” I replied quietly, wanting to push back the momentary flicker of panic. “I didn’t know anyone. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas, anyway, and nothing seemed to have changed except my location. But one Sunday, I went on a hike to see some of the area for myself. It was a beautiful summer’s day, and I’d been following this footpath through the woods when something flashed up ahead, off the beaten path. So I followed and found myself in a field. A field of purple heather.” My mind drifted to that day. “There was no one else there. The air was the freshest I’d ever breathed, and the birds were chirping, bees buzzing. The sun was perfect on my skin. I lay down among the heather and everything just stopped. Lucas disappeared from my head. Mamma wasn’t there to give unsolicited advice. I wasn’t worrying about Allegra. People weren’t demanding things from me. And I could hear myself for the first time in what felt like forever.”
North’s eyes were open now, staring intently into mine. “And what did you hear yourself say?”
“That I was lost,” I whispered. “But maybe here was where I could find myself again. So I stayed in Scotland, hoping that I would.”
North reached out to brush his thumb over my lower lip. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you stayed.”
My throat thickened with unwanted emotion, and I hurried to swerve from what he might or might not say regarding our … whatever we were. “What about you?” I blurted out. “Have you ever been somewhere and just known that’s where you were supposed to be?”
Thankfully, North went with it. He released my lip, but only to caress my arm with the back of his fingers. His gaze followed his touch as he told me, “The first time I went on stage. Nothing had ever felt so right before. I knew from that very moment that’s where I was meant to be. Acting is in my blood.”
Dismay filled me. But I shoved it back to be a good friend to him. “This whole experience hasn’t made you want to walk away from it?”
He shook his head grimly.
“Then don’t. If it means that much to you, then don’t. Someone changed things today, North, and you have to put aside why, or your anger at why, and be selfish for once. See it as an opportunity. If you want your life back, it’s time you made a public statement and told the world what happened in your words, on your terms.”
He looked at me so long and so intensely, I didn’t know how he would react to my advice. However, finally, North nodded. “I think you’re right.”
Twenty
NORTH
“Imight as well be here alone, old boy.”
I glanced away from the TV screen, not even aware of what was on, surprised to find Theo smirking at me from the treadmill next to mine.
“What?”
Theo let out a huff of amusement. “I was talking about that the gymnast and how, unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to let her go despite her considerable talents.” Sweat dripped down his temple as he hit the speed button on his machine to slow to a walk. “And I was going into great detail about those talents, so much so my trainer left here redder than a lobster. Despite my lascivious gym conversation, you, apparently, find the TV ads more interesting than a woman who can touch her toes while I stand and deliver, and can wrap herself around me like a fucking pretzel. Pun intended.”
“You’re pure filth, you know that?” I decreased my speed, too, hoping to find a machine away from him so I could ignore him in private.
“I’m heartbroken.” He deadpanned as he hopped off the machine. “I’m losing my gymnast.”
“Because she wants more, and you’re a randy playboy who wouldn’t know what more meant if it bit him on the arse.”
Theo raised an eyebrow. “Unlike you, who is so clearly daydreaming about your luscious American.”
I cut him a warning look.
But he wasn’t wrong.
Two weeks. That was it. Two weeks, during which I spent most of my nights at Aria’s beach house while I got my career back on track. With help from my publicity team, I posted a video to Instagram explaining the leaked footage and what exactly happened to Gil MacDonald and my part in it. I felt sick to my stomach doing it, but Aria had been the one behind the camera, reassuring me as I told a story I’d never meant to tell anyone. The response was overwhelming. The public who had condemned me now hailed me as a young hero, which made me want to upchuck.
So I switched off the internet again and let my team deal with it. All I needed to know was that within a week of posting, the studio green-lit Birdwatcher with me as the lead. Considering what they’d put me through, I’d requested they send the personal trainer I’d begun training with before everything went tits up to Ardnoch.
I’d have to leave the estate soon enough to start filming, so I wanted to stay as long as I could.
Because of her.
Aria.
I was addicted to her.
As if reading my mind, Theo stared stonily at me as I stepped off the treadmill. “Please don’t tell me you’re maudlin enough to think yourself in love with her?”
“Fuck off and let me work out,” I grumbled before striding over to a rower.
“That means yes.” Theo followed. “It looks like it’s incumbent upon me to teach you something you should have learned long ago. Great sex does not equal love. Endorphins might trick you into thinking otherwise, but I’m here to tell you they’re just chemicals lying to you. Your cock loves her vagina, mate. That’s all.”
I sighed heavily and asked no one in particular, “Why the hell are we friends again?”