I blow out a breath. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m trying not to be greedy with you. You are invaluable to me.”
And someday, he’ll be gone. Whether it be from time or his need for something more in his life than I can give. It’s the nature of things, but that doesn’t stop the sharp pain in my chest.
Ben’s mouth curls, and his eyes drop back to his phone to complete the message. “She’s really softening you up, isn’t she?”
I scowl at him.
Ben tucks his phone away. “How is it going?”
“What do you mean?”
“How are you… handling everything? Katarina? The pregnancy?”
I look away. Sometimes I forget that Ben knows every detail of my life. It had been necessary to explain why I kept to myself about a century ago. Why I chose to suffer through my heats alone. Why I’d raised Gage the way I had.
Ben is one of the few to hear my history from me rather than from rumor.
“Maggie says things are progressing nicely,” I say.
“And the two of you are…” Ben trails off.
“Your penchant for gossip is going to get you in trouble,” I say as if it hasn’t already. I found him listening at doors he shouldn’t when he was a youth. A second-generation demon with no one in the world to keep him from taking dangerous jobs.
He rolls his eyes. “It’s only gossip if I share it with anyone else.”
I open my laptop to scan through the large amount of files Mace and Sophia have been continually updating about the Leonid organization. I don’t have to see Ben to know my avoidance is annoying him.
“We only want you to be happy,” he says finally. “And you seem to be in a good mood lately.”
I have been. Other than my dragon wanting to drag us back to Katarina’s side throughout the day and being unceasingly annoyed that she set up her studio on the other side of the house. The pounding of monotonous tasks against my skull has lightened, and I look forward to seeing her each evening.
“She’s kind and honorable. I have been enjoying her company.” And the scent of her arousal makes it hard not to attempt to seduce her, but I will not push her boundaries. Even the simmer of attraction doesn’t douse the calm her presence gives me and my dragon.
Ben grins. “High praise from you.”
“We aren’t going to have a relationship, Ben.”
He frowns. “Why not? She makes you happy.”
“You know why.” The reasons seem to get thinner every day, but the important ones remain. My ability to bond was crushed centuries ago. That space in my chest where connections to those around me reverberated is dead now.
I cannot have another mate.
Even if I were able to bond, I don’t know if I can stomach the possibility of losing a bonded again.
Ben’s brow furrows. “You should tell her about your past. She should know about—”
“Watch yourself,” I cut in. The time I spend with Katarina is a light in an age of darkness, but I can’t keep it. Already it is a struggle to know how I’ll manage to be a father given my past and lack of abilities. My track record is poor, and that was without my dragon harassing my choices.
Ben’s shoulders drop. “I’m not experienced in grief like you are. But you’ve held on to this pain for years. Would it be such a bad thing to let it go?”
The similarity of his words to what I said to Katarina is striking, but it would take more than logic to let go of my pain. Sympathy for Katarina rings in me. I shouldn’t have pushed as hard as I did, but the waste of her devoting so much time to something in the name of alleviating guilt feels like a crime.
I would not have one as bright as her burn her happiness away over past misdeeds. She’s done her best to make amends, doing more will only perpetuate the cycle of guilt and self-worth in her.
She deserves so much more.
“Will you contact Gage?” I ask, ignoring the fact that I’m being cowardly by going through Ben.
Ben arches a brow. “Do you have a job for his crew… or is this a request for a personal visit?”
“He should know about the child.”
My godson should be told before the rumors start. That they haven’t started yet is pure luck.
“Of course, a new dragon will be born. It’s a momentous occasion,” Ben says, back to drafting emails. “Do you want me to contact any other dragons?”
My dragon hisses, and I almost roll my eyes at him. The creature too territorial by half. “No, just Gage for now.”
I frown at the amount of information on the screen in front of me.
“How has sifting through the information Mace and Sophia sent gone?” I ask.
Ben’s lips purse, but he drops the topic. “It’s like each day that passes they dig up even more. I half wish we could send it to the Council and be done with this, but nothing is provable to the extent that would be required, and that would still leave a position of power vacant.”
Ben is back to working on the tablet, there’s a notification sound, and both of his brows shoot up. “Speaking of. Apparently, Lorenzo has a daughter who is older than his heir.”
“They only just found that?”
Ben slides through the documents they just sent, and I see the file show up on my computer. I let Ben take the reins. He’s much better at speed reading than I am. “It was twenty-nine years ago. It looks to have been buried because the child took after her witch mother.”
It’s a rare phenomenon, but it does happen. I can only imagine how Lorenzo Leonid reacted.
Ben’s face pales, and his wide eyes meet mine, causing the dragon I keep suppressed to raise its head.
“What?” I ask.
“The daughter’s name is Stella Elderflower,” Ben breathes.
Fire travels through my limbs. My enemy has had direct access to Katarina from the beginning.
“Where is she?” Katarina is in danger. Fabric rips, and for this moment, my dragon and I are unified in a clear purpose. I’m up and taking long strides out of the room. I will find her. Her scent has imprinted on my soul.
Ben calls out behind me, trying to keep up. “I’m sure there’s an explanation—”
I don’t want an explanation. I need to deal with a threat to what’s mine.
“WHERE IS MY MATE?”
20
KATARINA
“ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT CHARM MAKING?” I ask, running my fingertip over the rim of my empty tea mug.
Stella frowns at me in confusion, putting her lemonade down on the table. We sit in the kitchen during a rare quiet moment between meals.
Maggie had given us a plate of cookies, flustered, before leaving with Jensen, Kalos’s silver-haired driver. Apparently, he’s been asking to take her to coffee for months now. I don’t know why she’s been resistant, the way she blushes when he’s around speaks volumes.
“I mean, does it make you happy?” I ask.
Stella shrugs. “Of course. I’m good at it and am able to help my clients in a way that others can’t. There are easier ways to make money, but I enjoy it and like being my own boss.”
I’m my own boss, and I can help clients in a way that others can’t…
“I don’t enjoy restoration.” It was easier to tell Kalos than it is to speak the truth now. Stella has been my friend since the beginning of my business. Constantly trying to keep me from overworking myself. Dragging me out of my studio even under deadline.