I’m done being used by him.
I should text him back and tell him to stop contacting me, but I don’t. Because I’m weak. Because I’ve known him for so long that I don’t want to just cut our ties. I still care about him.
He must care about me a little, right?
These mood swings are going to be the end of me.
A tap on the open door has me jumping in surprise. I almost don’t recognize the man standing there since our meeting before was so brief.
“Sorry!” he says. “Ben said I could find you here.”
“It’s alright,” I say as I try to match a name to his face. When I do, surprise has my eyes widening. Kalos’s godson, Gage, stands in the doorway sheepishly.
“I see you remember me,” he says.
“Yes, sorry, I wasn’t very awake when we first met.” My cheeks heat at the memory of napping on Kalos’s lap after the getting in the way of an angry dragon and humping him like a rabbit in heat.
He nods. “I remember. Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I say. “Kalos isn’t here…”
Gage winces. “I wanted to apologize to you for my reaction to the news of your pregnancy.”
“Oh, that’s fine. You were surprised.” I place my hand on my stomach.
Gage watches the move, his gaze softening. “Yes, I was. I just wanted you to know that I’m excited that another dragon will be born. We are rare and that can be lonely.”
“Kalos explained a little about your history and why you needed some time,” I hedge.
Gage’s smile is a little rueful. “I admit that I may have felt a little jealous. Kalos has been in my life since I hatched, even if on the sidelines. The thought of losing his attention threw me for a loop. It was a childish reaction.”
I’ve mulled over Kalos’s confession about their relationship since that moment.
“Can I ask you a question?” I ask.
“Of course.”
“Was he a terrible father?” I can care for Kalos while still seeing his flaws and being critical of them. Information is power, and in a world of magic and creatures beyond my imagination, I need power.
Gage’s rueful smile drops. “Ah.”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No, it just takes me back to things that I’m not really proud of.” Gage thinks for a moment. “It’s not that he was a terrible father… he just wasn’t one. He provided for me but was ultimately absent from day-to-day life. It created a lot of strife for me. I wanted his attention as more than a distant mentor. I was not the best-behaved child, or teenager…” Gage trails off before rolling his eyes. “Or young adult.”
I crack a smile at that even though my heart breaks for him.
“Oh gods, please don’t cry!” Gage says, eyes wide.
“Ugh! It’s not your fault. My hormones are all over the place.” I hurriedly wipe the sneaky tear away. “Please continue.”
Gage hesitates, observing me for any more tears before he starts again. “You should understand that raising me was something he promised my parents. They died a few years after his own losses and my egg was hidden away, kept dormant until dragon hunters were wiped out. It wasn’t until many years later that he kept the promise and hatched me.”
His losses. The hair on the back of my neck rises, and the suspicions I’ve harbored for weeks start to trickle free.
“So he hatched you, but didn’t exactly raise you?” I ask.
Gage nods. “There were a lot of people who cared for me, but they weren’t dragons, and it wasn’t the same as having a parent. It… made me angry. I eventually confronted him about it.”
“And?”
“He apologized.” There’s a note of surprise in Gage’s voice even all these years later. I can relate. Kalos is a proud beast.
“He thought when he hatched me that he would be able to handle the bond between a new dragon and parent, but we didn’t bond. I bonded to my first nanny instead. He thought that even without a bond, he could still act as a father to me, but… he said it was too painful.”
“Because he lost his mate?” I ask, even though dread has pooled in my stomach that not even the kick of my baby can distract me from.
Gage shrugs. “Of course, but a lot of it was because my presence reminded him too much of the son he’d lost.”
The truth is like cracking ice, cold and clear. I swallow. “He’s never told me about his son.”
But I’d suspected. The flash of pain in his eyes when he’d touch my belly, or talk about old wounds. Little breadcrumbs that lead to heartbreak.
Gage nods, unsurprised. “I didn’t know either, not until the moment that I’d confronted him. He doesn’t like to talk about it. When his mate fell, the bond between her and their son killed him as well. It’s the scary part of the hatchling and mother bond.”
Scary is an understatement. Kalos said that the bond lasted for the first year of life. I retreat away from those thoughts until I can have a moment to process them.
Gage continues, “I forgave him for not being the father I wanted him to be. It helps to know that it was something he desired, but struggled with. I know he loves me in his own way.”
But what if he can’t do it this time either? I rub a circle on my stomach and think. Can I be enough of a parent for the both of us? Is that fair to our child?
“You shouldn’t worry,” Gage says as if he can read my mind.
“Why?”
“This time will be different.”
My laugh is full of disbelief at his confidence. Kalos had been right about everyone deluding themselves about believing they are in control of things. “And why will this time be different?”
“Because she’s got you, and you’ll keep him in line.” Gage grins like he’s going to enjoy witnessing this immensely, but my thoughts stutter out.
“She?”
“The baby.” Gage’s eyes go wide. “Uh, you didn’t know that it’s a girl?”
“No.” My lips go numb, and I feel around for the leather armchair, before lowering myself down. I’m going to have a daughter, and it all feels so much more real than it was when the baby was just a dragon that likes to kick me at night.
“You don’t look so good,” Gage says with panic in his voice, but I don’t respond. I need a moment. He’s gone in the next blink, and this time I let the tears come.
Stupid tears from happiness, confusion, or terror.
Maybe it’s all three.
26
KALOS
“KALOS! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH KATARINA!” Gage’s shouts are distant and echo in the house, but I hear them clearly and hang up the meeting I’m on immediately. I run.
Gage skids to a halt when he sees me coming, and he dashes back the way he came.
“What did you do?” I demand.
“I don’t know! We were just talking, and she went pale,” Gage says as we arrive to Katarina’s workroom. She sits on her leather couch, frozen and unresponsive to our presence.
“Rina,” I cajole, and she blinks at me through tears before shaking her head and scowling at Gage.