“You didn’t have to call the calvary. I was taking a moment, dammit!” she says.
My lips twitch in relief.
“Sorry if I prefer my hide on my back instead of a torture rack,” Gage snarks back, face full of relief.
Katarina turns her face to meet mine, her eyes still wet but clear of the stress from before. “Gage says it’s a girl.”
“What?” I say, my adrenaline is starting to calm, but words are harder to decipher especially without context.
She snorts. “The baby. The baby is a girl, though I don’t know how he can tell.”
I look to Gage, and he rocks on his heels as if embarrassed.
“Dragons can sense our own,” I say to explain. I would have been able to tell the sex if I’d let myself. I don’t know why I hadn’t.
Because it would have made it more real. Like how it is now.
I still. A girl. We’re having a daughter.
“At least I’m not the only one who needs a moment,” Katarina says wryly and pushes herself to stand. “I think I feel like a snack.”
I move to pick her up, and she puts her hands up to stop me. “I may cry like a leaky faucet, but I can still walk, goddammit. Anyway, I’d like to take a minute without the two of you hovering around me.”
An emotion passes over her face so quickly that I almost miss it. Sadness. For me.
Gage blinks. “Hey! I thought you were in trouble. How was I supposed to know that you weren’t about to go into labor?”
“Thank you for your assistance, Gage,” Katarina calls over her shoulder before she disappears down the hall.
We stand where we are for a moment until Gage clears his throat awkwardly. “Well, I should be going—”
“My office,” I cut in.
Gage presses his lips together, and I think he may tell me to go fuck myself rather than follow my command, but he must take pity on me.
“Yes, sir,” he mutters. We don’t say anything as we trek back across the house. As soon as I close the door behind him, I break the silence.
“You told her.”
Gage nods. He doesn’t ask what I’m talking about. He knows that as big of a revelation as finding out my child is a girl, that isn’t what caused the flash of emotion on Katarina’s face.
“You should have been the one to tell her,” he says.
He’s right. Ben suggested the same thing.
“I know,” I say and pause before continuing. The relationship between Gage and I has always been difficult to navigate. When he was young, I tried to keep him from knowing how much his presence affected me. It hadn’t been fair to him. Which resulted in my appearance of cool control. Our relationship improved as he became an adult, and I finally accepted that I needed to show him my true emotions. I endeavor to only be honest now. “It’s difficult to confess my shortcomings.”
He scoffs. “Kalos, you lost your family, that’s trauma, not a shortcoming.”
I squint at him. “My inability to bond is a shortcoming.”
I cannot bond with a mate or a hatchling. I will forever be separate from Katarina and the baby, unable to feel them in my soul how I crave to. Because I do crave that. Even with the tidal wave of unease and fear that comes with it.
I will try my best to work around the lack of a bond for Katarina and the baby, but my best may not be good enough.
Which is why I haven’t made any promises.
“There are people you can talk to about that,” Gage offers. “Those who specialize in bonds.”
I compress my lips in instant denial. That kind of magic is very dangerous and requires a large amount of trust.
“The world is different, Kalos.” Gage shakes his head. “We don’t need to seclude ourselves and hide secrets the way we used to. There are people who can help.”
There’s a crack in my resolve at that. Is it possible? Is it worth the risk?
I clear my throat as if my godson hasn’t upset everything I thought to be fact. “If there is someone you trust, I will take that under advisement.”
Gage blinks in surprise before hiding the expression. “Alright. I know one off the bat that I’d trust with all my crews’ lives. The matchmaker at the bathhouse sees soul threads. She might be able to help.”
“The bathhouse that your succubus frequents?” I ask. There are other bathhouses in our world, but that one has a renowned matchmaker.
Gage blushes. “She’s not my succubus—”
I snort. It’s not my place to judge the relationships that Gage keeps.
Gage rolls his eyes at me. “But yes, that’s the one.” He looks thoughtful. “You should take Katarina there anyway. She’d probably enjoy some time away from this place.”
My nostrils flare, “It’s not safe—”
“It’s heavily warded, and there are private rooms,” Gage interrupts me, and I narrow my eyes at him. He continues, “You’d enjoy it too. It’s to your tastes.”
I consider his words before shrugging. The bathhouse is not a bad idea. I doubt that Katarina has noticed herself feeling more closed in, but with the mood swings, it would only do her good to get out of the house.
And this matchmaker may be able to change… everything. “Okay.”
Gage is surprised by my answer, but he’s quicker to wipe away the expression this time.
Have I really been such a domineering dragon that he’s so surprised that I’d take his advice? Yes, I have been. The hollow pain that I’ve kept alive in my soul hasn’t left much room to be flexible with those around me. I’m excellent at pushing people away.
Which brings me to my next words. Words I’ve said before, but they bear repeating.
“I am sorry,” I say. “For not being what you needed as a child.”
Having a youngling on the way reminds me of all the ways I’ve failed him. It keeps the feelings fresh.
“I wasn’t a father to you, and I should have been.” I admit the next with reluctance, but stark honesty. “I don’t know how this time will be any different.”
Gage grows serious before nodding toward the door. “She makes this time different. You squandered raising me as your son. Don’t squander the gift of having a mate.”
I glance away. “We are not mated.” Completely.
He shrugs. “Not yet, but it’s a possibility. Don’t tell me that she’s been under your roof all this time and you haven’t been courting her in whatever way you can. That you don’t love to provide for her physically or monetarily?” He laughs. “Or have you not noticed how much you enjoy giving her gifts?”
I clench my jaw because I have given her gifts, provided for her. Had the robes been meant as a courting gift?
Yes. Things that I’ve been doing because of instinct draw me closer and closer to Katarina. And if I could be fixed? If I could bond with Katarina, what then?
I could have her as a real mate.
We’d have a future.
27
KATARINA
I BLOW out a breath slowly and stare at my flushed cheeks in the vanity mirror. I’d picked a stunning green robe with an intricate dragonfly design on it to try to distract myself.
Griffin meows at me, and I shake my head at him.