“Eleven months!” I exclaim. “That’s longer than a human!”
Rose nods. “Gideon, my mate, has otherworldly patience and even he is starting to reach the end of it. Hopefully we get to meet this bundle of joy soon.”
I mentally count. “I’ve only been pregnant for about three months.”
Rose’s eyes widen. “Well, your child is in a much bigger rush than mine.”
“Yeah, I guess she’s ready to get the party started.”
We quiet on that thought. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but a moment of connection. Rose isn’t Stella, but there’s something about her that helps ease the tension in my soul. Not all the tension though.
The smile slips from my face.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Rose asks after a few long beats of oneness.
“Are you sensitive to stuff like this?” I wave my hand, and Rose’s lips twitch.
“Do you mean the misery coming off you in waves? I think a troll could pick up the emotions you’re putting down and they can be rather slow about that type of thing.”
Misery. That’s one of the myriad of feelings swimming around me. It doesn’t matter how much frustration I try and level on top of it, the anguish bleeds through.
Being in the bathhouse doesn’t help things one bit. I’ve attempted to lock away the memories we made when he brought me here, but things escape through the cracks. The sensations of my body run in line to my emotions. I ache.
I want Kalos to rub the tightness in my muscles away and chuckle at our daughter’s appetite for heat. I want him to kiss my neck and craft an image of our possible future with only a few words.
But I don’t get to have that anymore. He left.
I don’t know what went through his head in the cavern—why exactly he decided that he was done with us—but it didn’t leave much room for hope. Maggie may have been certain that Kalos will return… but that doesn’t mean that our relationship will continue once he does.
I miss him.
I stare up at the beautiful ceiling.
“I don’t think talking about it would help,” I say.
Rose only nods. It’s the understanding in the motion that does it. The illusion that this matchmaker can solve any issue if only I speak.
Words that I haven’t let myself reflect on bubble out of me like the witch beside me can draw water from a dry well.
“I need him more than he needs me,” I say and blink away the quick moisture in my eyes. “And I’m not okay with that.”
Rose hums, but now that I’m voicing my worries, they don’t stop.
“He can just leave. And I’m…” I look down at my stomach, trying to not let the negative thoughts catch hold. From the very beginning, I’ve chosen to think of our daughter as a miracle rather than a mistake. I don’t want to ever say the word stuck about my situation either. Words have meaning.
But nothing changes the fact that my body—my life—has radically changed. I have a child to think about. I won’t ever abandon her, leaving because I’m in an emotional snit isn’t an option for me. I could give birth next week or next month.
I’m not alone—as her kicks into my lungs remind me—but I’m so much more vulnerable than Kalos will ever be. It’s not fair.
Rose reaches over and places her hand on my shoulder, her comfort and kindness acts as a centering balm in my sewer of dark thoughts.
“But you”—she emphasizes the word with a stern look—“hold all the cards. You have everything he wants. There is no leaving you without leaving a part of himself.”
I shake my head. “I wouldn’t keep his daughter from him—”
“You misunderstand,” Rose interjects softly. “You have his heart.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” I thought it was true before he left. That he was showing me how he felt about me through his actions. He asked me to stay.
She shrugs, her confidence unwavering. “A matchmaker knows these things.”
Do I have his heart? I lift my hand from the water to place on top of hers. “I think that even if I hold all the cards, it’s not going to make a difference if he’s avoiding pain. He’d be willing to make that sacrifice.”
He’s done it before, hasn’t he? Rose doesn’t deny my words, but they don’t negate hers either.
That stupid candle of hope sputters to life, but I’m half tempted to blow it out myself. It would save me more heartache.
But it would also cost me the life I want. I’d be doing the same thing I’m accusing him of.
“He may be willing to sacrifice his heart and happiness. Many beings will do that and more to avoid pain, but only time will tell if Kalos is one,” Rose says.
The sure tone of her voice causes my eyes to narrow. Kalos only started to believe that we could be mates after coming here. “You seem to know a lot about him.”
Rose smiles but stays silent. It only confirms my suspicion that she’s the soul witch Kalos has been working with.
“Fine, keep your secrets.” I roll my eyes.
And maybe I’ll leave a little room in my heart for hope.
“I’ll be fine without him,” I say, because the anxiety of his absence, of having to deal with this pregnancy alone, demands a solution. My heart may hurt, but I’m not trapped.
“Of course you will.” Rose raises a brow. “You’re resourceful, smart, and there are others who will help you with no questions asked.”
Others like her and Gage. Stella. Ben. Maggie.
A vibrating sound disrupts the moment and Rose sighs, aggrieved. “I should have left my phone at the front desk, but Gideon only lets me out of his sight if I have it on me.”
I swallow my envy at her mate’s protectiveness but smile.
“Go ahead. I won’t be offended if you answer,” I say.
Rose reads the screen, perking up. “It’s just a text. There’s a rumor that Kalos has returned.”
I push away from the wall and sit higher in the water. “He has?”
Rose nods, a considering expression passing over her face. “Would you like us to inform him of your whereabouts?”
This is the test, isn’t it? If I tell him where I am and he doesn’t come after me, doesn’t try and make up after our fight, then it’s all over for sure.
I’ll demand more from him of course. I’m worth more of his consideration. He has a dragonling to care for, and I do need him to channel heat energy for the rest of the pregnancy, but co-parenting and forced proximity doesn’t make a mating.
Do I give him the ability to hurt me again?
40
KALOS
“KALOS.” Ben looks up from his phone. He sits on the other side of the couch from Stella as we work to track down Katarina. So far it’s been casually calling allies, not asking about my mate, but leaving the line open for them to confess any details.
This quiet searching is something that I’d have done with no issue prior to reuniting with my dragon but now chafes. The plan to keep the people who know who Katarina is to me few is a logical one. Logical and slow.
And it feels wrong to my newly awakened instincts.
I want my mate and young in the arms of my embrace. I want to ensure their safety. I wish to trumpet to the rooftops what she means to me.