“I like you, Soph,” he said.
“I like you, too.” She smiled as she said the words back. Maybe their kissing had been more. Sure, Ned had accused her of living a fantasy life, but this was starting to feel like a fantasy coming true. Except as the words came out, she instantly wanted to kick herself: Dash’s face shifted into something unreadable. This was the moment she’d feared was coming—the rejection—still, she somehow wasn’t prepared.
He licked his lips before continuing. “I’m just not in a place where I can get serious with anyone right now.”
“Right.” Her index finger absentmindedly tapped at her pacemaker. “Why—why is that?”
She knew the why, though. It was the same reason all of her relationships ended: there was something deeply wrong and flawed about Sophie.
“I’ve only been in recovery for eighteen months.” His voice had lost all the softness it once held, and instead he sounded almost mechanical and completely unlike the man she’d grown to know. “Technically, it’s okay if I date after twelve months. But I don’t feel ready to do that yet. All of my energy has to be focused on staying sober.”
“No, I—I get that.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked down at her feet. Part of her knew they couldn’t exist outside of that room in Ojai, but hearing it still hurt.
“I’m sorry, Soph.” His hand gently fell to her knee, and his warm palm easily rested against her cool, freckled skin. “I know you’re looking to fall in love, and I won’t get in the way of that.”
Right. The whole point of meeting up with her exes was so that she could eventually fall in love and get back to writing the books she and her mom had always dreamed of. Her career and future were on the line. So what if kissing Dash had felt like the only right move she’d made in months? Her night with him was a distraction, if anything. And she needed to cut him loose before she lost sight of her end goals: finding a way back to writing.
Still, she needed some clarification. “So, what are we, then? I know last night wasn’t serious or anything…” She lied, because while last night had just been kissing, the whole thing had felt special, somehow. She’d sensed that he didn’t let just anyone behind the high walls he’d built, but she’d made her way to him. He didn’t seem like a casual-fling kind of person but, apparently, he didn’t do serious either. So what the hell had their night been?
“We’re…friends.” He looked to her, as if for reassurance. “And I hope we can stay friends.”
Sophie nodded back, even though she did not kiss her other friends or grab their asses while she ground against them. The part of her that had opened itself to Dash started to close again. A kind of resignation filled her throat instead of the frantic butterflies she’d had hours earlier.
“I just can’t risk—” he shook his head “—I can’t risk relapsing.”
“No, I don’t want that either,” she said emphatically. Suddenly, she felt more than a little selfish for wanting anything from him. She didn’t know much about sobriety—she made a mental note to do research—but she didn’t want to be the reason he couldn’t stay sober. And she didn’t want to lose him as a friend either. She liked being around Dash. And she wouldn’t hold it against him that he couldn’t date her.
But then, what was she going to do about that part of her that still wanted to grab his ass?
She shook that thought off. “We can just pretend last night didn’t happen.”
He began to slowly nod. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she quickly repeated. Though, part of her still clung to the small hope that a plot twist would pop up and Dash would tell her he’d just been kidding and they should absolutely continue to pursue this. But he didn’t say anything further.
As the car sped down the highway, she was numb from Dash’s words and the rumbling engine gently lulling her. For some reason, her conversation with Ned began to replay in her mind. You would slip into this idealized version of me. Had she just completely done the same thing with Dash? She’d fantasized so much about what they could be that now, when faced with the stark truth, she couldn’t accept it.
Her phone began to ring loudly. And when she looked down, Nina’s name was on the screen. She was close to shaking from her conversation with Dash, so she took in a deep breath before answering. “Hey, Nina, sorry I didn’t respond to the group chat. I’m fine. We’re heading back from Ojai now.”
“Yeah, okay, whatever.” Her sister’s voice was dismissive, which was…strange.
“What’s wrong?” Sophie asked.
“Did you tell Ned that I froze my eggs and am having IVF?” Nina said. “Celeb Weekly just posted an exclusive scoop about it, and he’s their source.”
“I… What?” Sophie sat forward, but the seat belt stopped her with a forceful tug. She remembered the conversation with Ned and Brittany from the night before, after she’d had a glass of wine. She’d told them about Nina’s experience, which wasn’t hers to tell, but she’d felt safe sharing it with them. Had he really betrayed her trust? Sophie had told Ned that if she could ever do anything to make it up to him, she would, and he’d said he’d think of something. Was this the something?
“You know how much bullshit I have to deal with around this.” Nina’s exhausted voice came through. “Now every question I’m going to be asked is if I’m pregnant. How could you do this?”
Sophie screamed inside. She wanted to turn the car around and go scream for real at Ned. Her hand gripped the armrest and her voice was shaky as she replied, “Nina, I’m so sorry.”
Then the line went dead.
14
DASH
“Do you want to talk about it?” Dash pulled his car into the driveway. He’d heard enough of her call to get the context: Ned had sold a story about her sister to a tabloid. “I can’t tell you how many times someone I thought I was close to sold a story about me to the press.”
This was true. He’d been betrayed by close friends, exes, and plenty of people he’d only interacted with briefly, including a Lyft driver who’d told a reporter that Dash “stole all of his free ginger chews.” Which was absolutely correct, but Dash had missed lunch and needed a snack was all.
“Ned won’t answer his phone.” Sophie opened the car door, got out, and slammed it shut. “Sorry, didn’t mean to slam that. I know he was mad about how I ended things in high school, but he grew up with me and Nina. I can’t believe he’d do something like this.”
“Money changes people.” Dash got out of the car and stood with his hands at his hips. He wasn’t happy either. He’d been through the same emotions before when a story leaked about him, but it was another thing entirely to watch someone else experience that level of betrayal.
“My sister is everything to me. She’s the only family I have.” Sophie’s voice started to choke up. She slid her phone back into her dress pocket and rested her palms on the frame of the car door. “She’s been through so much already, and she doesn’t deserve this. What if she never talks to me again?” She wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye.