Sophie walked toward his bedroom door, but he hated watching her go.
“Soph?” She turned, and her expression changed from steadfast to open. He knew this was the moment when he had to tell her his feelings, whether either of them were ready or not. He stood and moved to her, so they were just a few inches apart as he began to talk.
“This is going to be hard. It’s an everyday, every minute kind of thing for me. And now that I’ve relapsed, I…” He shook his head, so deeply regretting his choice but not being able to do anything about it either. You chose to drink, he thought, but now he’d choose to do better for her. “I didn’t think I would ever drink again, but I did. And I don’t know how to promise you that it won’t happen. I really hope I don’t relapse again. And I will try every day not to drink, but I have no idea how I’ll be in a week, or a month, or a few years. This won’t be easy. Staying sober has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I want to work at it with you, because I want to be with you forever. And I know you aren’t ready to say those words back yet, but I love you, Soph. I fell in love with you unexpectedly, but I plan to keep loving you fiercely.”
“You…” Her mouth opened, and he waited for her response. “What did you say?”
He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, then met her gaze. “I love you.”
35
SOPHIE
Sophie’s mouth hung open long enough that it had fully dried out. And when she went to swallow, she coughed from the lack of moisture. She knew he was waiting for a response. She’d been in this situation before—with Carla—but this time, she didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to flee. She felt rooted to the spot where his gaze pinned her.
She should say I love you back in big capital letters and with multiple exclamation points. She willed the words to pour out of her. She knew she wanted to continue a relationship with Dash. She’d chosen Dash over Carla. So what was the problem?
Say it.
Say it, you absolute and complete turd.
Just. Three. Words.
But she couldn’t tell Dash she loved him. She was absolutely terrified, and her whole body felt leaden from the expectation that she needed to. Sophie reached a hand toward his shoulder, hoping that touching him again would spark the words out of her, but nothing came. His eyes searched hers, and she saw something like defeat. But she didn’t want him to feel defeated. Sophie really, really liked Dash. She knew she could love him someday. Maybe she still just had to work out her issues or something.
Eventually, she shook her head and said, “That is so fucking romantic.” She pressed her lips to his, and he pressed back. She just hoped that the feel of her against him was enough for now.
When she pulled away from him, she leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes. “I will get there, Dash. I’ll trust you, if you trust me.”
“Deal,” he breathed out. And she really hoped, for her sake, that he meant it.
Sophie needed to feed Rain Boots a late lunch, so she stepped out of Dash’s place and started toward hers. Which is when she saw Poppy on her porch, leaning against the front door.
“I just spent ten minutes watching a squirrel attack a photo of Richard Gere.” Poppy crossed her arms. “It was violent.”
“Dash won’t be thrilled to hear that.” Sophie gave a soft smile as she came up the porch steps.
“I wanted to thank you for helping with my brother.” Poppy’s expression didn’t warm, but Sophie knew how weird this must be for her—to discover so much about her brother and feel like even more of an outsider than she already had. “Dash needed someone on his side yesterday, like you said. And you were the only one who knew what to do.”
“Of course. I care about him, Poppy. As a friend, and even…” Sophie knew this maybe wasn’t the best time to bring up her relationship with Dash, but she wasn’t sure when a good time would be. So she just went for it. “Can I officially apologize now?”
Poppy cracked her neck. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”
Sophie steeled herself for the very real possibility that all would not be forgiven, but she had to try. “Poppy, I’ve been inexcusably horrible. I should’ve told you about Dash as soon as it happened, but I was just scared. I love you so much, and our friendship is the most important thing to me, but I was having all these confusing feelings.”
“For my brother,” Poppy quickly fired back.
Sophie looked down to regather her thoughts. “Yes, for Dash, and I didn’t know how to tell you. And he and I hadn’t really figured out what was happening either.”
“But you still kept hooking up with him.”
“He’s more than just a hookup to me.” Then Sophie looked up and locked eyes with her. “What can I do to make this right? I will do anything. I can work for free at the spa for the rest of my life, or be your personal assistant, or—I don’t know—walk around wearing one of those giant sandwich signs with the words Terrible Friend in big letters.”
Poppy thought for a moment, inspected her nails, and pursed her lips before she answered. “You can tell me what the hell you were thinking, for starters. I got you this spot at Dash’s because I knew you needed the discounted rent. I’ve had you at our family’s house. You’ve never told me you had a crush on Dash.”
“Everyone had a crush on Dash growing up. It didn’t seem helpful for me to tell you that I liked him as a teenager.” Sophie sat in the Adirondack chair on her porch, ready to settle in for however long this would take. “And when I moved into his place, there were no feelings. I didn’t feel any kind of way for him. It just sort of happened, all at once, and I couldn’t stop. Trust me, I tried.”
“Dash is one of the most important people in my life,” Poppy said.
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” Poppy started to pace the length of the porch. “If you hurt him, especially after everything he’s been through and is going through now, I will be in the very awkward position of having to kill you. And I don’t want to be a murderess. Though, I think we both know my mug shot would be fierce.”
“It would,” Sophie quickly acknowledged. “But I won’t hurt him. I just want to be his person.”
“But you’re my person.” Poppy’s voice had gone soft, and her eyes met Sophie’s.
Sophie stood. “And you’re my person, too. But, like, my friend person.”
“In this life, but what about the next one?”
“Fingers crossed.” Sophie crossed her fingers and held them up, and then Poppy wrapped her in the biggest and warmest of Poppy hugs. Sophie hugged her back, enjoying her head resting in between her friend’s cleavage. “I really missed the boob hugs.”
“They missed you, too.”
36
DASH
Chris drove the DADG ERS station wagon to Dash’s house and helped load up luggage into the back. There was no waiting a day or two to let life settle back to normal. The rehabilitation center options were ones that could take Dash immediately, so he could start recovery again as soon as possible.