When Logan is heading onto set for a scene with him and Keith, he catches my eye, walks over, and kisses my cheek before he keeps going. I don’t have to act out the blush that heats my face. Things have shifted between us, since Logan told me about his past. He showed me a level of vulnerability that I’ve never seen from anyone I’ve dated before, and it feels like an honor, that he trusted me with this. It’s not an honor that I take lightly.
I lean against the coffee table and watch as Dave speaks to them. This fake relationship has become more overwhelming than the movie. We’ve started to become a sort of celebrity power couple. People still trash talk Logan on social media, but more people are deciding that Logan is surprisingly soft and cute, using photos of us holding hands and kissing cheeks as evidence. He isn’t the only person benefiting. People don’t look at me like I’m the actor of the week anymore. Articles aren’t as dismissive of me.
Besides the official schedule he handed us, Dave expects us to go on at least one public date each week, and we’ve started to get requests for interviews on set.
“What is it like acting with your boyfriend?” the reporter for the Inside Hollywood blog asks. “Is it difficult to focus?”
“No,” I say—a total lie, of course. “It’s helpful. I can pull from my real emotion for Riley, who is falling in love with Quinn.”
The reporter asks, “Is it possible that you’ve mistaken your character’s feelings as your own?”
Wow. They really go for the jugular, huh? “Well, that’s certainly happened to other Hollywood couples, but I know that this is real love for me and Logan. I started to get to know him, not Quinn, and it was Logan that eventually won me over.”
It’s uncomfortable that this is a little closer to the truth than I’d like to admit.
*
Julie invites me and Logan to dinner with her, Scott, Monica, and Keith. Logan practically begs me not to make him go. “You’ll be the only person there that doesn’t hate me.”
Ever since he told me what’d happened to him as a kid, I feel like I’ve been handed a jumble of puzzle pieces, and I’m slowly putting things together. Is this why he’d pushed Julie away when he was young? Maybe he didn’t feel like he had anyone he could trust.
I hesitate. “Scott doesn’t hate you.”
Logan gives me a look.
This is the kind of thing that Dave would expect us to say yes to for our fake relationship. “We’ll stay for an hour, tops,” I tell him. “It’d look bad if we say no.” Besides, I want to spend more time with the rest of the cast outside of set—but his pained expression makes my heart twinge. There’s so much I don’t know about him still. Maybe something that doesn’t seem like a big deal to me and most people, like this dinner, would feel like torture for him. “You don’t have to go if you really don’t want to.”
He sighs. “You want me there though, right?”
I can’t lie to myself about that—or that I’m grateful when he agrees, insisting that it’s okay, yes, he’ll go when I ask him if he’s sure.
Logan drives, and we end up at the sort of restaurant that has fairy lights strung up along the outdoor space. We get a large table near a firepit, which feels nice tonight, since the breeze is a little colder in the chilly fall air. Julie sits next to Keith, and I notice the way she leans into him. I don’t think that they’re officially dating, but maybe they’ve started to see each other privately, too. I feel a spark of jealousy at the idea of allowing a relationship to grow organically, outside of the spotlight. I glance at Logan. Then again, we probably wouldn’t even hang out at all if it wasn’t for this publicity stunt of a relationship.
“So, Mattie,” Scott says after we’ve given our orders, leaning forward on his elbows. “It’s been—what, three months since you moved here?”
“Just about.”
“Feeling settled in?”
“I am, yeah,” I say with a nod and grin. I’ve always liked Scott, and I like him even more after spending time with him on set. He’s offered a few pointers and some advice for surviving this industry. “Don’t take the franchise jobs,” he said one afternoon at the coffee table. “It’s good money, but you’ll be stuck playing Bug Man or some shit for the rest of your life.”
“I’m sure Logan has something to do with that,” Scott says, smiling at Logan.
Logan sits silently, glaring off into space. I’m usually the front man of this fake relationship, taking on all the questions. I don’t even mind it, not really. Those are just the roles we ended up with. But sometimes I wish he would try, even just a little. I know he’s a lot kinder than this. I wish he would show that other side of himself so that others could fall in love with him, too.
Monica has never had much patience for Logan. She purses her lips in an expression that practically screams we’ll see how long that lasts. She picks up her glass of wine and starts to drink, as if it’s the only thing that will get her through the night.
Keith leans back in his seat. Keith scared me at first. He looks like the sort of white frat boy that would go out of his way to make my life a living hell in Decatur, but he’s funny and has always been welcoming. Still, I also know he can’t stand Logan, either. He’s passive aggressive when he speaks. “I think it’s safe to say that Logan is the lucky one. Seems like Matt’s been keeping him on track.”
Logan has no comment.
Julie takes a breath and decides to change the topic. “The new production schedule is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?” she asks.
Logan changes his mind. “What do you mean by that?” he asks Keith. “Keeping on track.”
The silence is tense. Keith picks up his own glass. “Oh, you know. The last time we worked together, you’d come in about five hours late?”
Logan shrugs. “Yeah, well. I’m always on time now. Haven’t been late once.”
I feel a hit of shame. Out of everyone here, I’m the only one that’d come to set an hour after I should’ve. Julie notices. “Everyone’s late to set at least once in their life,” she says.
“Yeah, but with Gray it was every fucking day,” Keith says to her. “He’d show up drunk or high on coke. So excuse me for not jumping for joy just because he’s actually doing his job and behaving like an adult.”
The quiet is painful. I look at Logan, who’s started to shut down. I can see it in his eyes. I take a sip of water and clear my throat. “I understand being pissed.”
“You don’t have to stand up for me, Mattie,” Logan mutters.
“I mean—no, I’m not standing up for you,” I say. “I’m just trying to say that everyone fucks up at some point.”
“Or a lot of points,” Monica says beneath her breath.
“Or a lot of points,” I amend. “But we’ve got to allow space for someone to change, too, right? Logan’s always on time. He works harder than anyone I know—harder than me.” It’s partly this act we’re putting on, and partly me, I think, that has me reaching for the hand he has on the table. I cover it with mine. He tenses for a second before he takes a breath and relaxes. “I’m a better actor because of Logan, so from my perspective, this movie is as good as it’s going to be because of him.”