There’s one thing I dread, more than anything else—one thing I dread even more than the social media and the anger from the fans and Reynolds’s potential plan, but I have to do it. I force myself to get up, open my door, and walk down the hall.
My mom and Emma sit together on the couch. They’re both bent over Emma’s laptop, open on her knees. Emma snaps her laptop shut the second she sees me. I know what she was showing my mom. They both look at me, and I look at them. I take a deep breath, then step into the living room and sit down beside Emma.
“So,” I start. “I know it’s probably disappointing to hear, but it’s true.”
Neither of them say anything. They only watch me with surprised expressions, which is probably more heartbreaking than anything else.
“It started because the film wasn’t getting good publicity,” I say. “The producers needed the world to think that Logan and I liked each other—loved each other—to turn things around for the movie. I eventually really did fall in love with him, but I know that doesn’t excuse the fact that I lied.”
Emma is watching me, and God—I hate that I’m sitting here, telling her that I’ve messed up so badly, when I’m supposed to be the person she looks up to. She blinks and looks away. Even she doesn’t know what to say.
My mom stares forward at the blank TV screen. “Why would you agree to something like that, Mattie?”
The disappointment in her voice might just shatter me. “I really—” I pause, clear my throat. “I needed the film to work. I felt like this was my chance to make it.”
“And you were willing to give up your integrity?” she asks, looking at me finally, though now I wish she hadn’t.
My gaze drops. My mom stands up, and I think she’s about to walk out, unable to stand being in the same room with me—but she stops in front of me instead and rests a hand against my cheek. “I love you, Mattie,” she says. “No matter what. But I know you were raised better than that.”
I swallow and nod.
“You don’t let go of who you are and your understanding of right and wrong for anything or anyone,” she tells me. “You made a mistake. Now make it right.”
She bends over, kisses my cheek, and leaves. I stare after her, probably more because I don’t know if I can even face Emma, but I look at her when she pokes my arm. “It’s kind of nice to see that you’re not perfect for once,” she says.
“Thanks?” But even as I try to force the sarcasm into my voice, I can’t stop the real gratitude that peeks through.
She grins. “So what’re you going to do now that you’ve fucked up so badly?”
“Like Mom said,” I tell her. “I have to make it right.”
Logan
Audrey won’t stop calling me. She has the highest number of missed calls and texts, right after Mattie. I haven’t been answering him much in the past few weeks. I don’t know. Thoughts have been finding me recently.
My apartment’s been steadily becoming worse. I pay more attention to cleaning when I know someone’s going to come over, and I haven’t seen Mattie for almost three weeks now. He’s the only reason I bother to clean this apartment in the first place. I don’t have enough energy to put shit away. I sit on the couch instead.
One of Audrey’s voicemails told me that the truth leaked. I’m used to seeing people trash me on social. I’m not used to seeing it happen to Matt. I think they’re going after him even more than me. Maybe because they thought he was better. Had him up on a pedestal.
I was the one who talked shit about him in that interview, got everyone talking about how we don’t like each other, made the producers decide we needed to be in this fake, fucked-up relationship. And now, because of me, Matt’s getting hurt.
These fucking people online. They’re tearing him apart. The way things are going, this might mess up his future chances in Hollywood, and that’s all he’s ever wanted. I’ve managed to take his only dream away from him, too.
I’m too afraid to pick up when he calls or answer him back when he texts. Too afraid to face him, knowing how much I’ve fucked up his life. It’s easier, isn’t it? Easier to just scroll through social and listen to my phone every time it rings.
I’m not expecting to see Mattie’s post. I hesitate, mouse hovering over the arrow. His face, his eyes, makes my heart jump. I haven’t seen him in so long. I click play.
“I want to start by apologizing. I know I’ve disappointed a lot of you, and rightfully so. The producers of Write Anything wouldn’t want me to say this, but I have to tell the truth.”
I feel a spark of pride for him. Mattie going against Reynolds and Vanessa Stone?
Matt takes a breath. “It’s true. At the beginning of filming, Logan and I both agreed to pretend to be in a relationship to boost the film’s publicity. I shouldn’t have lied. I shouldn’t have agreed to it, for the benefit of the movie and myself. There isn’t anything I can say in my defense. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.
“But as time went on, and as I got to know Logan more, I started to develop feelings for him. I fell in love with him. Though it started as a lie, Logan and I really are together. It isn’t an act. I wish our relationship had begun differently, but in a strange way, I’m also grateful, because I don’t know if I would’ve had the chance to get to know the Logan that I do now. The Logan he hides from the world—the Logan who’s sweet, and caring, and generous, and deserving of so much more than anyone has given him.” He looks up, his eyes into the camera, and it feels like he’s trying to speak to me directly. Like he’s asking me to listen, to hear him, to stop running away. “I love him. I love Logan.”
He rubs his neck. “I understand if I’ve lost your trust forever,” he says. “I understand if you don’t want to support me or Write Anything. But, if you are able to forgive us, I promise you I’ll do better. I’m a human, and I may mess up again, but I’ll do everything in my power not to.”
The video stops. The silence of my apartment is overwhelming. I hadn’t realized how much of a comfort it was, to hear Matt’s voice.
But the whispering thoughts begin again.
Mattie
At first, the producers were pissed I went out on a limb on my own, but within a day of my post, there was a surprising turnaround. A lot of people still say what Logan and I did is unforgiveable, but many others have shown support, applauding my “courage to tell the truth” and “give a genuine apology.” Conversations have sparked around whether we should show more compassion to people when they mess up, including celebrities. Other actors have shown their support, too, with some retired actors even sharing their own publicity schemes from back in the day.
I’ve done all that I can. I decide to unplug—rest my brain from the stress of social media and publicity. Holiday break ends, and Emma flies back to school in New York. It’s nice to have my mom to myself for a while, even if the house is so quiet. But without Em around, I also find myself running into my dad more. It was like he felt outnumbered with both of his children here, but without Emma he feels safer to leave his office and roam the halls. He even comes out one night to sit in the living room with me and my mom as we watch TV.