I’m reminded of the initial meeting I had with Dave and Reynolds, except this time, Logan and his manager aren’t with us. “Okay,” I say, overly aware of how uncertain my tone sounds.
“Focus on Write Anything is beginning to wane. Good Dog is getting a lot of attention due to Phillip Desmond’s growing popularity.”
“Have to admit, he is pretty attractive,” Dave mutters. “In that basic white boy way.”
“Yes, well,” Vanessa says with a barely disguised annoyance, “audiences have been trained to love basic white boys, so inevitably, the film is starting to gain more attention.”
My heart sinks. It isn’t surprising that there would be more publicity and buzz around a film starring two white men, versus a film starring two Black men, even with me and Logan benefiting from colorism. It’s discouraging, but it’s the sort of racism I knew I would have to deal with in the industry. I decided to make acting my dream anyway. All of that, plus the issues we’ve been having with publicity…I can see how Write Anything won’t stand a chance against its rival.
“We need to make a play to turn attention back to you and our film,” Vanessa continues. “We need you to break up with Logan Gray.”
I sit straighter, fully startled, mouth opening. I don’t catch myself fast enough. “What?”
“We went through different options and ideas with various teams,” Reynolds says. He sounds bored, as usual. “This seemed like the most efficient route. You would’ve had to break up eventually anyway, after the promo tour began.”
“No,” I say.
Everyone’s eyes land on me. Vanessa raises a finely threaded eyebrow.
“No,” I say again. “I can’t.” I look at Paola, whose mild look of panic translates into please, stop talking, but I shake my head. “It might be a shock, but—well, Logan and I are in a real relationship now.”
The silence is stunned, but it’s quickly interrupted by Reynolds’s barking laugh. He thinks I’m joking.
“I thought that was a part of the act,” Dave says. “That message you posted. I thought you were just doubling down on the lie. You’re really dating Logan?”
“More than dating,” I say. “We’re boyfriends.”
Vanessa frowns. “That was an unwise choice,” she says. “We agreed that the relationship was for the purpose of publicity.”
“Technically, that was a verbal agreement,” Paola says for me, always ready to fight. I always love her, but especially now.
“Besides, we can’t help that we began to—well, start to have real feelings,” I tell them.
Vanessa doesn’t like me pushing back. “You need to publicly end this relationship with a social media post to your followers. The post has already been written. The draft will be shared with you tonight.”
“I’m not doing it.”
“Mattie,” Paola whispers.
“You’ll essentially say that you’ve discovered Logan Gray is more harmful than you’ve expected. You’ve grown tired of the negativity that follows him.”
“I refuse.”
“Matt,” Paola says, more firmly this time. “You could break up with him publicly and continue the relationship privately.”
“That isn’t an option,” Vanessa tells her. “We can’t have paparazzi snapping photos of them together and blasting the news that they were lying about the breakup on top of everything else.”
“This is ridiculous,” I tell them. “You can’t control my love life.” I might have a dream of being successful in this industry, but I’m not willing to give up myself and what I want for anyone.
“We kind of already did, kid,” Dave says, leaning forward, but I’m sick of this role he’s been playing, too—pretending to be this fatherly mentor figure who gives a shit. He doesn’t. He’s been hired by Vanessa. He only cares about the film. “You already agreed to play along for the sake of the movie. Don’t back out on us now.”
I shake my head. “Logan deserves more than that. I care about him. I’m not going to toss him and our relationship away for a publicity stunt.”
“Communication has already been sent to Logan,” Vanessa says.
My heart drops. Is this why he’s been ignoring my texts? Has he already agreed to this without even talking to me about it?
“He knows what to expect,” Vanessa says. “You need to be the one to publicly end this relationship by the end of tonight.”
“No. I’m serious,” I say, cutting Paola off when she tries to say my name again. “I won’t do it.”
I stand up. I’m trembling, but I do a good job of hiding it as I turn away from the table without another word. Paola catches up with me in the hall.
“Are you sure about this?” she says, her voice lowering. I can hear raised voices echoing behind us. “Vanessa is not going to be happy.”
I’m tired of being controlled by everyone around me because of my fear. I have to be willing to walk away from Hollywood if it means freedom. My dream has been acting—not this bullshit behind the scenes. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
But even as I say the words, anxiety drifts through me. I’d feel better about this if I knew I had Logan by my side to make a stand—to fight Vanessa and the rest of the team and say that we’re going to continue our relationship, no matter what they demand. But he hasn’t replied to me in weeks. It’s possible he broke up with me in his head before Vanessa even made this decision. I’m starting to feel twists of regret. What if I fucked up my entire career over this, and Logan doesn’t even feel the same way anymore? Maybe I’m relying on just a little too much faith.
Logan
Can we talk please?
Please give me a call. We can talk this through.
Remember what we agreed to, in the cabin? We said we would try to work through this.
We said we’d talk things out instead of pushing each other away.
I love you, Logan.
Please call me.
I think about it. But the idea of hearing Matt’s voice and fighting and straining and pushing against the thought that I hurt him is exhausting. It’s better to look at the messages and think—yeah, maybe this is for the best. Trying to change is impossible. He’ll go along with Vanessa’s plan for the promo tour. He’ll break up with me, and I’ll go back to the life I was living before. It’ll probably be harder to get work, now. I’ll probably have to stay in this apartment under my dad’s rule. It is what it is, right?
Another text buzzes. I check my phone from my spot in my bed. I haven’t moved in about a day, since Audrey came.
It’s Briggs. Let’s talk.
It’s almost a comfort, to see his name appear. I know Briggs. I know what to expect with him. Matt had on one of his podcasts, once, about how trauma rewires the brain—makes it feel safer to want what a person already knows, what they’re already familiar with, no matter how much it hurts. I think he was hoping it’d help me.
About what?
Let’s get lunch.
He probably wants to meet with me in public so that people can take photos of us together and the bad press he’s been getting will lay off. Obviously, he didn’t try to rape me if I’m with him. I don’t know. If that’s the story he wants, it’s not a big deal for me to give it to him. I’ve always been good at giving people what they want.